Saturday, I taught at LaFortress. A BJ class and an orgasm class. Had a great time, met new people, and heard something that made my stomach sink.

Someone has used my name, my online presence, and their connection to me as a friend as a reference. And then gone on to be a bit of a dickhead.

Unfortunately, this is not the first time, nor the first person to do this. And also, unfortunately, I hear about it after the fact far more often than I am contacted before things can go wrong.

So, here’s a quick refresher on how to use a reference within the lifestyle:

1. Get a reference.

This could happen one of several ways: Someone gives you a name or several of people that they are confident will say good things about them. Perhaps they mention the name of someone who has a good reputation in the community in passing, as if they know them well. Better yet, you watch them online, and choose random interactions to learn about them.