Trust In Kink Is A Very Different Beast, For Me

Trust

Trust.

It’s at the core of all that we claim to do in kink, and yet, the more I dig into the relationships people have and what they say versus what they do, the more I realize that, for me, trust is not what it is to others.

For example, I generally assume that if I meet you and you smile at me, you are not going to stalk me after that one meeting and axe-murder me in my sleep.

But that’s not trust.

That’s simply absence of evidence. Continue reading “Trust In Kink Is A Very Different Beast, For Me”

I Love You (When You’re Perfect) -OR- How Fetishization Of The Positive Ruins Our Relationships

Fingers holding a scrap of paper with the handwritten words, "To Me You're Perfect."

It’s an easy trap to fall into, to focus on the good in everyone.

It seems like the right thing to do.

See the good bits, focus on the happy times, let the negative stuff or “bad emotions” slide on by.

I see a lot of this in my friends, and I’ve seen it in myself as well.

It’s a societal thing:

Fetishization of the positive.

By focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative (except when it rears it’s ugly head and barfs in our Cheerios, demanding to be noticed, making us yell and fight and scream, until we can shove it back into it’s dark little cage in the corner and lock it back up, to be ignored…until the next blowup), we are teaching the people around us that they are not loved for who they are.

Continue reading “I Love You (When You’re Perfect) -OR- How Fetishization Of The Positive Ruins Our Relationships”