“Responsible? Consent? Safe? How Boring!”

How Boring

So, I was having a conversation.

In fact, I’ve had hundreds of similar conversations. But I was having this one conversation about hypnosis with a submissive who has fantasies of consensual-nonconsent with hypnotic commands.

They asked if I’d hypnotize and seduce them without them realizing.

I replied that I currently prefer more overt and consensual hypnotism scenes and methods.

They said that it’s still consensual. They consent.

I replied that consent to me requires 3 things:

1. Enthusiasm (They have this!)
2. Understanding (They have NO idea what I can do with hypnotism and behavior modification.)
3. Competence (missing #2, and being hypnotized rules out #3).

They said well, let’s just discuss what you would do to me.

I replied that I don’t engage in that kind of fantasy.

That the human mind is an amazing, unique thing of beauty, and I prefer to get to know people well before playing in their heads, so that not only can I make the most out of what I do, but that that I am doing what’s best for my bottoms/submissives.

That I am not a one-size-fits-all dominant or person.

They said, “All sounds very safe and responsible…”

And they didn’t respond again.

As I said, this is not the first conversation I’ve had like this.

With people who think that consent is not sexy. Safety is boring. Being responsible steals the fun.

I find that so odd.

I see no desirable power in making someone do what they don’t want to do.

I see A LOT of sexy, desirable power in my partners consciously wanting all the crazy perverted, depraved things I can do to them…

…and one of the main keys here is ME, all of me, who I am, my mind, my wickedness…

…enough to consciously crave them, communicate them, beg for them, and work with me to get them.

Responsible? Consent? Safe? How fucking sexy! Yes, please.

Mistakes Were Made: The Drama Unfurls

The Drama Unfurls

Those in the know, know. Those who are not can still benefit from this writing, if they choose.

The Background

Someone local hurt three other local someones. Badly. Non-consent, lying, stealthing.

The details that have gotten around vary on degrees and details. Very few people excused the accused, some defended them based on relative harm and extenuating circumstances. It is generally accepted wrong was done.

The accused was asked to stay away from a local event for a time, because the accusers attended that event regularly, and they deserve a safe space.

The Event

The accused was invited by parties unaware of the details to a special occasion held at the local event.

The accused went, along with some close friends working to help them learn better.

It caused an uproar, as one of the accusers was there, and was shocked and hurt and upset. The organizer was completely disregarded, and the community is taking sides, boiling pitch, and sharpening pitchforks.

How Could This Have Been Avoided?

I’ve discussed this and talked it over with quite a few people. Here are my thoughts:

  • The accused could have said to the uninvolved parties, “I prefer not to attend that event, because reasons, and I’ll be happy to get together with you privately to celebrate.”
  • The accused could have publicly RSVP’d.
  • The accused could have contacted the event organizer, and could have been told, “No, you are not yet welcome.”
  • The accused could have contacted the event organizer, and could have been told, “Yes. Let me contact your accusers and tell them that for this event only, you will be attending for a special occasion, and they can choose to attend or not, as they choose, with foreknowledge.”
  • The accused could have contacted their accusers, and explained, and organized directly (not my favorite idea, but better than nothing).

So, there were a number of things that could have reduced or avoided drama AND put everyone on the side of good ethical practices.

Now, I’m not saying that anyone is the monster here. It is a big shit storm that has caused drama, hurt and lots of frustration.

Perhaps this can help another situation from blowing up in the future.