Q. What Can We Expect From Our Lifestyle Leaders?

Leaders do this: Lead by example. Not this: Leading by command.

A. Weaknesses, fuck-ups, stupidity (at least temporarily), inappropriate reactions, hypocrisy, and pretty much everything else associated with greater humanity.

Yup.

Lifestyle leaders are human. Like any person is. Like any leader is—just look at those who lead our country.

Even the most successful people have fucked up, often in major ways. Have made mistakes, said non-PC things, and just generally been, at times, people you wouldn’t entrust a goldfish to.

And that’s OK.

It’s going to happen. We should expect it.

We should also be able to expect:

  • Recovery
  • Apologies (when necessary)
  • Growth
  • A solid sense of ethics that can be ascertained through consistent words and actions over the years
  • Communication, to and from—not only speaking, but listening
  • Authenticity

I am a lifestyle leader.

I know this because people follow me, and turn to me for help, and because I do my best to lead, in the most capable way I can.

I try to influence others towards acceptance and tolerance and love. I try to stop misinformation in it’s tracks and share the truth as I know it and have experienced it.

I try to always be learning, and researching. Not just in kink, but in everything, because who I am as a person affects who I am as a kinkster and who I am as a lifestyle leader.

I am not perfect.

(Yeah, yeah, I hear the collective, “Well, DUH!” LOL! I said that to show my own understanding, not that I thought y’all were under any illusions.)

I do not strive to be perfect, because I don’t believe that’s possible.

I do what I believe is RIGHT (not just right for me) as often as possible, and believe that the good I do FAR outweighs the harm. And when I harm, I do my best to fix it.

I’m also just me.

And, when it comes right down to it, lifestyle leader or not, I’m just me.

That’s all I can be. Nothing more and nothing less.

I write publicly when I think new thoughts, and change my mind. I write to explain when I’ve been wrong, and to apologize. And yes, I also write to clap back when people mischaracterize what I say in ways that might harm others, or make people feel less-than.

And that’s how I feel I lead best. I do everything in my power to be public about constantly improving and becoming better, to be the best me I can be, in kink as a dominant, lifestyle leader, educator, author and site developer, and as an individual with my own relationships, traumas, joys and pains.


No, I’m not upset. This writing is in response to something, but something that was commented to over 9 months ago, which I have processed over time and discussed with others. I’m not going anywhere. I’m writing this from my perspective, and in the hopes that it will give insight into many other imperfect leaders out there who fail and try and grow and service this community.

How (And Why) To Get Rejected More Often

A cartoon beaver saying "NO!!" over and over.

Tell DreamBoopsie217 how you feel. Today. Clearly. No room for misunderstanding. From the heart.

I know it can be a terrifying prospect.

  • What if they look disgusted?
  • What if you lose your friendship?
  • What if they tell everyone?
  • What if you can’t handle it?

Do it anyway.

You CAN handle it, and you need to. Because this is only one in a long line of potential rejections coming up into your future with DreamBoopsie217, ESPECIALLY if they say they like you, too.

Huh? Continue reading “How (And Why) To Get Rejected More Often”

Put Yourself First, Without Guilt

A still from Meghan Trainor's video, "I Love Me."

A while back, I wrote about always putting yourself first, And a lot of the private messages I got were asking about how to do that without feeling guilty.

Because we are raised with the message that we are to give to others, even at sacrifice to ourselves, and it’s very hard to overcome that.

I think people naturally equate putting yourself first with being a selfish asshole, and that’s not it at all.

In fact, I believe that by putting myself first, I’ve been able to open up and give far more than I ever did before. But that’s neither here nor there.

When talking about putting yourself first, I don’t mean grab the first (and biggest) slice of cake, or the last cocktail wienie, or bilking someone out of their pension. Continue reading “Put Yourself First, Without Guilt”

Why The Good Dick Gotta Ruin Our Lives?

Is Your Work Suffering?

LOL! A young friend of mine sent me this today:

Some of the relevant transcript (for those who can’t see the vid):

Hey besties. Ladies, I’m just trying to figure out why we keep letting good dick rule our lives. We gotta take a hold of the vagina and keep it outta grasp, and… and do our kegels and ruin their life. Why good dick gotta ruin our lives?

“It’s cool. It ain’t like that. We’ve been through a lot.” Girrrrrl! Girl girl girl! It’s the dick. Keep it 1000. Come on, now…

So, my young friend sends me this, and asks if that’s really true.

(Honestly, I think he’s concerned about giving the good dick… he’s a bit new to all this sex stuff…)

I said for some, sure.

And then there are those who just don’t value dick (no matter how much squirt, how many orgasms, how GOD hisself comes down from the heavens to bless your coital union with sunshine and a choir of angels) over their personal well-being, and know that dick, good and bad, is everywhere, so they will wait for preemo.

What’s preemo?

Well, it’s the package. The people you LIKE who also have the dick.

And when I say “the dick,” I could be talking about any kinda sex here, because I don’t think it’s just women who get stupid over man dick, but any gender getting ass-over-teakettle over any of those good O’s that make you slap someone.

And, funny enough for me, those I like bring the dick better than anyone else.

So, it’s all good.

I guess I’ll have to let something else ruin my life. Today, I pick Ben & Jerry’s.

Let’s Debate: Is Cinderella A Good Role Model?

Cinderella: Stop Blaming The Victim

I watched this video a few months back, and it gave a different side to the Cinderella story—one that shows Cinderella as strong, capable, and authentic.

What do you think?

Is Cinderella a good role model for girls because of her persistence in the face of adversity, or is she just a meek, timid woman waiting for the white knight (prince) to rescue her?