Let’s Debate: Feelings Versus Actions In Love

Showing Love

I’ve written before that I Don’t Judge How Another Loves Me, and I believe this. I also say, though, that I do judge how someone makes me feel.

Or how they SHOW me that they love me in ways I can understand.

Someone can love you desperately with their feelings and still suck at loving you the way you need to be loved  with their actions.

I saw a saying like this on FB, and it really hit home for me.

After all, I think we’ve all made the mistake of doing the exact opposite of showing our love, even while we love deeply and fully and (dare I say?) desperately.

However, simply loving someone is not enough.

No matter how deeply.

No matter how desperately.

It’s far more important that they feel loved. At least to them.

And that brings us around to a few phrases that look at both side of this:

  • Treat people like you want to be treated.
  • No, treat people like THEY want to be treated (This is my preference, especially in D/s relationships).
  • It’s the thought that counts.
  • No, actions speak louder than words (How Do I Say…?).

And so on.

What do you think?

How much does the feeling matter, if the actions don’t back it up? Are “good intentions” enough? Is action a good indicator of feelings?

How do you gauge another’s intentions?

Image by pixel2013 on Pixabay

You’ve Heard Of “The Waiter Rule,” Here’s “The Ex Rule”

The Ex Rule
"A person who is nice to you, but is not nice to the waiter, is not a nice person."

“A person who is nice to you, but is not nice to the waiter, is not a nice person.”

People who are mean to those who serve, those who have less, those who they do not feel can help them, or directly benefit them are not nice people.

They are users.

They are self-centered.

Possibly narcissistic, and possibly socio/psychopathic, lacking empath and likely compassion.

(Which, in and of itself is not bad, but without compassion, it can be a nasty thing.)

“A person who has only mean things to say about their exes will probably eventually only have mean things to say about you.”

When a person has been the victim in every relationship they have, and chooses to focus on only the negatives with their exes, or place all the blame on others may not be that way to you right now—they weren’t that way with their exes to begin with, either, I’m guessing.

(Sort of hard to get into a relationship by being overtly asshole-ish, although some manage it.)

However, if you have a falling out, know that’s how they will probably talk about you.

And that’s probably how they talk about you in their head, too. When they’re not getting what they want.

Is that the energy you want in your life?

Kink In 15: Rain

Fuck!
Nothing like the smell of my lover’s neck.
A rainy day for snuggling and…

They say it’s only rained twice in North Carolina this month. Once for 11 days, once for 17 days, so I’m inspired, LOL! Give me some rainy day prose to make all this wet inspiration worthwhile.

The word of the week is “rain”. To participate, create a 15-word story with rain, rains, rained, or raining. I can’t wait to see your creativity! smiles


The Vulnerability And Scariness Of Pattern Interrupts

The Vulnerability And Scariness Of Pattern Interrupts

A friend reached out yesterday about pattern interrupts, because I’ve been preaching them for years, and they had an ‘Ah-ha!’ they wanted to share. They graciously gave me permission to share the conversation with you, because as we talked, I felt like they touched on parts of the pattern interrupt process that are rarely discussed, and I never thought to bring up.

But first, let’s talk about pattern interrupts.

What are they, and why might they be good?

A pattern interrupt is a technique to change a particular thought, behavior or situation. Behavioral psychology and neuro linguistic programming use this technique to interrupt and change thought patterns and behaviors.

Why a Pattern Interrupt Is Just What You Need, by Helen Roe
Continue reading “The Vulnerability And Scariness Of Pattern Interrupts”

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant – Pros & Cons

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant

I love coconut oil as a personal lubricant. LOVE it.

It’s the only lube I keep around at all times.

I keep it in a small container next to my bed, available for massages and all other manner of sexy things.

I recommend it in my anal play class and books and in my orgasm class.

And I recommended it to someone in a Facebook poly group who has been having trouble with staying wet. Many people had the same thoughts: coconut oil was the most recommended single lube in the thread.

Continue reading “Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant – Pros & Cons”

Poly Is Not Compersion (Poly Is Not, Part XVIII)

“Compersion is such a warm, beautiful sensation. It really is a shame that non-polyamorous people don’t get to experience it, at least not the way we do.”

Wait, whut?

Oh, FFS. this is bullshit. I mean, c’mon! You think that poly people or the ethically non-monogamous are the ONLY people who get to feel this?

Are you THAT desperate to feel superior to others through your lifestyle choices?

Gosh, I hope not.

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