Pssst! You’re Leaking Power.

Pssst! You're Leaking Power.

Right here. *points*

You might want to get that looked at.

Where?

Right here. You see this right here? *points to the issue*

That’s it. That’s where your leak is. Can’t you feel it? It looks like it hurts.

No. No. There’s no leak there.

There really is. I can see it, and so can everyone else. They are walking way around it to avoid the fallout.

Are you SURE you don’t feel that? *looks unconvinced*

Nothing is leaking. I don’t feel a thing.

starts looking a bit concerned

Yes. I’m sure. Let’s get this patched up for you.

First, we have to figure out what this is all about.

What, exactly are you trying to say here in this sentence? *points to the comment on the screen*

Well, that I don’t like that thing.

I see. That’s totally valid. That’s not the issue, then.

We’ll have to look deeper. What about that thing don’t you like?

It’s unfair.

Oh. Now we’re getting somewhere. Unfair. Got it. What’s unfair about this thing?

Well, I can’t have it. And I want it. And other people seem to get it. And I can’t see why. And I deserve it.

Ahhh. I see the issue, now.

I like to use the analogy of leaking to poke fun at dominance and power and how easily they seem to be damaged by everyday things.

Continue reading “Pssst! You’re Leaking Power.”

Validation: A Human Need

Validation

Over this past weekend, as I was in Jacksonville to teach, a writing of mine popped back up for a spate of attention.

The Needs Hierarchy

Which, interestingly, I was going to talk about in my class that afternoon, and bring up in many classes I teach as an illustrative example.

@James-P commented on the post, about validation, and offered that validation is a basic human need. I asked questions, and the conversation went less than spectacularly, however…

He has a point.

And a good one.

In the original article I did not presume to map out any human needs or wants, as I feel that tends to be innately personal.

However, the idea of validation as a human need is worth writing about, so here I am.

Continue reading “Validation: A Human Need”

It’s VERY Difficult To Offend Me

It's VERY Difficult To Offend Me

It’s hard to offend me. I tell people this a lot, usually when they are doing that verbal warning thing about something that’s about to come out of their mouth being offensive.

I simply say, “It’s really hard to offend me. Just say it.”

And it’s true.

I don’t get offended much.

There are things I don’t like to hear, because they go against not only what I believe, but what I stand for as a person, and the people I also stand for.

For example, I run a Women In Charge group on Facebook, and we get a lot of people attracted to the group who are into Female Supremacy.

I’m not.

And I don’t allow it in my group.

Continue reading “It’s VERY Difficult To Offend Me”

Let’s Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let’s Wake The Neighbors!)?

Let's Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let's Wake The Neighbors!)?

Sure, sure, I get it.

There are times when you just CAN’T let ‘er rip.

Maybe the kids are asleep, or you folks are staying for the holidays.

Or, maybe those things don’t bother you at all.

They do bother some people, though, as this young lady recounts:

I am loud in bed. It is hardwired, always was.

All my life I have been a bit self conscious about being loud. It is what it is and in the end, who cares what the neighbors say? Right? I have countless hours with my face deep into a pillow. Trust me.

One new lover recently on the first and only encounter got so put off by it that he shrank to nothing. He asked me NOT to make any noises please…and just lay still.

I was blown away. I tried to be a silent statue as he wished but did not work for me. It all ended there. That was a new one for me.

What are your thoughts?

Given the perfect scenario of no one around to hear, no chance of being walked in on or discovered…

  • Would you prefer loud or soft?
  • How loud is too loud?
  • What about talking? Dirty talking?
  • Laughing yay or nay?

And in not-so-perfect circumstances, if you like loud, what are your guidelines for keeping it down and still having a great time?

I look forward to your replies.

Needs VS. Wants: Which Are Which And Who, What?

Saturday evening in my Alpha Submissive Class for The Academy in Georgetown, SC, I brought up the Hierarchy of Needs as an illustrative point on the foundation of trust within a power exchange relationship.

I’ve received several follow-up messages about the idea from that class, which I began responding to this morning.

Looking at my writing calendar, I also found a link to this piece:

Needs vs Wants Hierarchy in a M/s relationship

That I’d added in to remind me to delve a bit deeper into the idea of what is a need and what is a want in a relationship.

What are needs?

To clarify, these are needs within a relationship, beyond the basic need to breathe, eat, have clean water, etc.

Continue reading “Needs VS. Wants: Which Are Which And Who, What?”

A Bit Of Public-Not-So-Public Humiliation

Public Humiliation

I was out Thursday night with friends at a new rolled ice cream place that encourages patrons to create post-it notes for the wall, and make their mark.

I added my own, and took photos, to show Pet I was thinking of my sweet little bonbon.

Bonbon is the affectionate nickname I’ve given his “tiny” penis.

(Note, his penis isn’t really tiny—just over average—but it is a grower, not a shower, and is humorously non-threatening when soft.

My sweet treat.

So, I created my “art,” posted it, and sent him the photos for fun.

An none were the wiser (except my friends, who know).

But it’s there.

In public.

For all to see, if they only knew.

And that’s how I like to do public humiliation.

It doesn’t violate consent.

It’s fun and creative.

And it makes me smile.

Do you practice any public-not-so-public humiliation?

Do you find ways to practice your D/s or kink in ways that others won’t notice, so you can enjoy yourselves wherever you are?

That ONE Thing You Didn’t Do

That ONE Thing You Didn't Do

I saw this meme on FB the other day. It said, “You can do 99 things for someone, and all they’ll remember is the one thing you didn’t do.”

It made me a little sick to my stomach.

Because I CAN see both sides. I know people who are constantly looking at life through, “Why didn’t I get this?” glasses. The ungrateful ones.

I also know what it means to have someone do 99 things for me, and have them all be the WRONG things, things that don’t matter. Things that don’t inspire me to feel loved, but instead inspire feelings of:

  • suffocation
  • micromanaging
  • being taken for granted
  • being unseen
  • being unheard

And regardless of your good intentions (if there are any), if what you do “for me” makes me less happy, in love, and overall satisfied with life than if you’d done nothing, well, then, I don’t want them, TYVM.

I’ll take the one thing that would show me you really care in a way I can receive it.

  • Instead of 99 gifts that you could buy for anyone, or that are all wrong for me, I’ll take the one small sketch you doodled during a meeting at work while you were thinking of me.
  • Instead of the 99 times you asked me where I was and what I was doing, I’ll take the one time, you asked me how my day went and really listened and shared with me.
  • Instead of the 99 times you told me the right way to do something, I’ll take the one time we learned something together, and both contributed to making the results better than we could have done separately.
  • Instead of “I love you” said 99 times, I’ll take that tipsy text late at night telling me how much I mean to you and how I make your life better in so many ways, how I make you feel loved beyond anything you’ve ever known, and how you hope I’m sleeping well, and this will be the first thing I read in the morning.

So, I get it. Both sides.

I choose to leave the ungrateful people out of my life.

And rewrite that meme:

You could do 99 things that don’t matter to some, and leave them wishing you’d done the one thing that DID matter.

Relationship Protocol As A PB&J Sammich

Relationship Protocol As A PB&J Sammich

I’ve been pretty clear about my position on relationship or D/s protocol, and while I go out of my way to be considerate of others’ preferences, I don’t believe I am entitled (or you are) to ANYONE following personal protocol (or any other kinds of preferences).

For me, it’s simple.

Never put responsibility for your relationship protocols on others.

That is up to those of you in the relationship to maintain.

For example, if you have a relationship policy that you BOTH approve a playmate for your partner, and someone asks your partner to play, it is up to your partner to tell the asker that they will need to also contact you if they want to play with your partner.

Not up to them to know this.

And it’s not a requirement for them to then contact you. They get to make the choice whether they follow-through or not, and whether they want to participate in your relationship protocols.

Even if they want to play.Even if they want to play.

Continue reading “Relationship Protocol As A PB&J Sammich”

Got A Problem? Hurting? Maybe You Need To Read This Today.

Got Problems? Hurting?

I get it. I do.

I have so many problems that I’ll be busy now until the day I die, and still not overcome them all.

We all have problems, all of us.

“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” — Regina Brett

For me this is true.

But because we’re the protagonists of our own little dramas, our problems may seem like their some kinda big deal.

Thing is, if we die tomorrow, our problems probably won’t matter much…

This is not to make light of them.

AT ALL.

Your problems are yours, and they are valid.

Here’s the thing, though, if you’re letting those problems get you down (which I’ve done, myself more than once):

Your problems don’t define you.

How you handle your problems does.

Remember that what you’re going through is just a part of your present and it will soon be a part of your past.

It’s not your life.

It’s a current situation.

YOU are every problem you’ve ever overcome.

You are every loving word you’ve ever spoken to lift others. You are every smile you’ve ever inspired on another’s face. You are the hugs you give and the happiness you share. You are the giggles you tell jokes for. You are the shoulder others cry on. You are the directions you give to a stranger on the street.

You are all of this.

And you are your problems.

But you are not JUST your problems, I promise you. Even if it seems that way right now.

I am not just my problems, either.

In fact, I don’t call my problems “problems.”

prob·lem

/ˈpräbləm/
noun
a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.

chal·lenge

/ˈCHalənj/
noun
a task or situation that tests someone’s abilities.

I call them challenges. And that actually makes a huge difference for me. Sure, they test my abilities, my patience, and my mood. That is neither necessarily unwelcome or harmful.

“How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a fight?” — Tyler Durdin

You are not just your problems.

YOU Define you. With your actions. All of them. From the moment of the beginning of you, until the end of it all.

And that give you a lot of amazing you to help you overcome your challenges.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay