A Strapless Dildo Option That Works! FINALLY!

I have long desired a truly strapless experience for play with dildos, and I’ve tried a few options. Unfortunately, all were disappointing.

They were too hard and pokey (I guess that’s why they thought they needed to maintain the “shape”), they were oddly shaped, or the ‘inner bits’ were just…not shaped right.

Some were good enough for use on women, but failed miserably when engaged with the much stronger muscles of the anus, which is my primary interest.

I kept up hope, but I admit that my optimism was fading.

Then, while I was researching my latest book on butt stuff (The Big Book of Ass), someone mentioned the InJoyUs. I went to check it out, of course, even though I was deeply skeptical. After all, I’d read glowing reviews of all the others I’ve tried, and NONE of them really worked like anyone said.

I was thinking, “Maybe I’m the weirdo, here,” not for the first time.

But the InJoyUs LOOKED different right off the bat. Something about it seemed better-thought-out. A small flame of hope sprung up, and I sent an email.

“Something, something, blah, blah, blah. InJoyUs was recommended, and I’d love to review it for inclusion in my book, if it works. More yadda yadda…”

And so, not long after, I got my review box.

Now, John at New Love Creations had already mentioned that he’d gotten a bit of flack for his packaging, and when I opened it up, I could see why. It’s certainly not what I would expect for a product of the price and caliber I was expecting, and could use an update for sure.

However, I wasn’t going to be sticking packaging in my or my partner’s butt, so it was easy to open it up and look at the product itself.

Because I’d talked some with John about how he’d designed, tested and engineered this thing, I was prepared for it to feel solid. And it does. I was almost concerned with HOW solid it felt, like the weight might be detrimental.

It was not at all. More on that in a bit.

I got the InJoyUs in my package, along with the Lily and Lela dildos. Two very different sizes/shapes.

All are made from pure platinum grade silicone, which is pretty much a must for me these days. It’s body-safe, odorless, hypoallergenic, and super easy to clean. Just pop those babies in the top rack of the dishwasher, or clean with bleach.

The InJoyUs has a stabilizer inside it (it’s not visible, nor can it be felt) of a super-strong metal, to maintain shape and erection angle, which I really like.

But NONE of that mattered if it didn’t feel good and stay in.

And it took a couple of days for me to make the scene happen, and I was chomping at the bit to try it out.

A set of detailed instructions came with the toys, which I looked over, and promptly ignored.

LOL!

Seriously, though, while I believe the instructions are needed, and they are well-done, I figured I had this.

After all, one of the reasons I want a strapless solution is to make this sort of play more spontaneous and less fussy. If I can’t just pop it in and go, then it won’t really add value to my life.

So, I chose to wing it, and wing it I did.

Well, I did realize that Step 1 was critical after popping the internal portion, and feeling an urgent need to pee.

So, that taken care of (and lesson learned), it was back to play.

Without going into graphic details, the results were overwhelmingly positive for butt play with my male partner.

  • InJoyUs was easy to insert.
  • It felt both solid and secure in place.
  • We played with the Lily to start, and it has a nice extra clitoral stimulation pad.
  • Both my g-spot and clitoris were happily stimulated.
  • It stayed in, and felt good—I orgasmed more than a few times.

Definitely overwhelmingly positive.

There were a few hiccups:

  • It takes some time, I think, to get used to the angle and use. This was our first time, and we tried cowgirl, missionary (plus variations) and lotus positions. Pretty basic, and successful, although learning the angle of thrust was a thing. Fun to learn, though!
  • When I orgasm hard, I’ve been know to push out a VERY enthusiastic dick. The same is true of the InJoyUs. However, I was totally OK with this, as it stayed in for the rest of the time, and frankly, I often bet against strong, determined men staying in there when I clamp down and push in the throes. As a friend said this morning, “They just need to say it has an ejection feature when the mission is accomplished!” LOL!
  • The angle, to me, seemed like it ‘used up’ a bit of the length of the toy. The Lily is measured at 7 inches insertable. My partner and I both agreed that another inch would have been perfect. Now, that could be because I’m a “thicc” girl, and it did have to get out past my thighs, but not all users are gonna be teeny-tiny. (The next person to try this out is gonna be a much smaller woman, so we’ll have additional feedback when that happens.)

All in all, I am feeling the first flushes of infatuation with this system, and expect that if things continue, I’ll be in love.

I look forward to using the Lela as well, and would LOVE to see more options of shapes and sizes in dildos from New Love Creations, so that I can continue using the InJoyUs for all dildo fuckery in the future.

https://newlovecreations.com/shop/

This is part 1 of a multi-part review of this product over time and by multiple people. Keep an eye out for more.

Poly Is Not Less (Poly Is Not, Part XVIII)

Not inherently so, anyway.

Let me explain.

Also, before I explain, let me say that I am not proselytizing. I have no desire to convert you to the cult of poly. IDGAF if you are poly or mono or decidedly alone. I post these “Poly Is Not” writings to combat some group-think and stereotypes that often hold little basis in reality. If you are completely unwilling to share a partner’s sexuality and love, that’s fine. You do you.

Ok, that all said, let me say clearly: Poly is not necessarily less of someone than monogamy.

Because in polyamory or monogamy, you could be with a partner who you adore in every way. Who is responsive to you, who meshes with you wonderfully in non-sexual ways.

They could be naturally monogamous, and not open to other options.

You could have the same partner, who is open to sharing, and enjoying time with others.

In either case, you could ruin the potential because you would “want more,” rather than enjoying what you and they have, and taking pleasure as it comes to you.

Which, is, of course your right. Especially if you are monogamous.

Continue reading “Poly Is Not Less (Poly Is Not, Part XVIII)”

Regret, Type 1: Broken Personal Boundaries

In 2015, I wrote this piece about No Regrets, and it’s recently come back up in conversation.

@Lilianthorn mentioned self-image issues leading to regret, and I said that regret, to me, is more a boundary issue than a self-image issue, and she asked me to clarify.

I started to write, and realized this might be a better writing on boundaries…

To clarify, soft personal boundaries are often a result of self-image issues, so there is that link. I don’t think it’s as direct as posited, though.

regret

feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over (something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity).

So, there are two aspects, In the case of my No Regrets writing, I’m speaking specifically to regrets over what HAS been done.

And generally, people regret things they’ve done because they crossed their own picket lines, broke their boundaries, consented to things they did not want to consent to, etc.

Continue reading “Regret, Type 1: Broken Personal Boundaries”

A New Book On FLRs & FemDom!

I’m writing a book for FAD—Female Artists of Domination, my local FemDom group. ALL of the profits from this book are going to FAD, as a thank you for the many years (17 this September, right?) of amazing support and service they have given my local community.

Dating Kinky Presents: FLR, FemDom & Women In Charge: Finding, nurturing, and enjoying a woman-led lifestyle.

Here’s the cover as it’s designed right now:

Book cover: A tall boot in light grey with words over the top: 

Dating Kinky Presents: FLR, FemDom & Women In Charge: Finding, nurturing, and enjoying a woman-led lifestyle. 

by: The Members of FAD, NookieNotes & Company
Continue reading “A New Book On FLRs & FemDom!”

Lies Of Omission And Lies Of Temporary Truth

In 2016, I pissed a metric fuckton of kinksters off with this writing:

Why Lying Is Submissive Behavior

While people made some good points about why I’m wrong, I still stand by what I wrote, and continue to discuss it when it’s an appropriate topic for conversation.

I also posted it in the Masterful Lover forums I’ve been a member of since 2007, and today, a new member found it, and asked the following:

To what extent does the “circle of lies” fall, which IF I understand correctly, includes not volunteering information?

Which got me going about lies and types of lies and some thoughts I’d not yet put into words.

1. OF COURSE we don’t tell everyone everything all of the time. That would be ridiculous.

I’m a very open person. The opposite of many, in that I am willing to share about 80% of my life with anyone who asks, and that left over 20% of me is incredibly private.

Most people are more wary, and the opposite. Sharing 20% of surface or superficial details, and keeping that 80% back.

In either case, though, it’s the same situation: You share whatever level you feel comfortable with whomever has earned that level of sharing by also sharing with you and by receiving your shares in a way you feel appropriate.

AND, when you don’t feel it’s right to share, simply say, “I’m not ready to share that information right now,” or, “Nunya.”

Simple.

2. As I said in Lies of Omission…, it’s a lie when omit the full truth when you know it’s pertinent to the other person, and you do it to avoid consequences.

“I won’t tell ___ because it will upset them.” “If I say ___ it will start a fight.”

And so on.

These phrases and ones like them are justifications for lying.

To go back to the quote I love so much from David Shade (paraphrased a bit):

“Don’t act out of fear, and don’t fail to act out of fear.”

THIS is a simple guide.

Do you FEAR telling this truth? Then you’re in danger of being disingenuous and lying.

Are you comfortable with your truth and just not yet ready to share with that person, because they have not proven themselves, AND you are willing to say so if they ask?

Then you are being truthful AND setting healthy boundaries.

3. Are you SURE your truth is TRUE?

This is where we often get tripped up. Sometimes we lie as much when we are attempting to tell our truths as when we cover things up.

Because we don’t THINK.

Because in the heat of the moment, we say things we don’t mean.

Because we have a knee-jerk reaction to a threat to our ego.

Think of an argument, when you say hurtful things to another.

Do you WANT to hurt them? Maybe in the moment.

But is that your TRUTH? You’re hurting. Do you really want the person you love to hurt, too?

Probably not.

Then that’s not your TRUTH.

So, you’re lying—or at least not communicating your truth.

Not intentionally, I’m sure. Heat of the moment, just blurted it out, and all that.

But effectively.

And you’re damaging yourself. And your relationship. And setting up something that may never be undone.

So don’t lie in defense. Or in reaction. Or in spite.

Think on what you want to say, then say it clearly and with the kind of love/compassion you feel for others—and that you would want them to use with you on any touchy subject.


Just a few thoughts on a Saturday morning. smiles

What are you thoughts on these or any other types of lying or reasons to lie?

The Dominance Often Found In Submission

I identify as a dominant in my relationships. I switch in play from top to bottom, and everything in between.

I even enjoy the “submissive” (as they are called in ignorance) acts of bedroom play: dirty talk, hypnosis, etc. I love all these things from the top and the bottom. It’s incredibly sexy for me to be able to live the fullness of my life as a woman.

Outside the bedroom, I am in charge in my relationships.

And do you know who most often approaches me in a serious way asking about relationships_real, ongoing, long-term service relationships?

Dominants.

Men who identify as dominant.

Men who have lived decades in charge.

Men who have devoted their lives to being who they thought the people around them wanted them to be, expected them to be.

And who did it well.

Men who really, finally, definitely want to stop being inauthentic, and just be themselves.

I see as much sorrow in men being dominant to make others happy and to fulfill others’ dreams as I do in men submitting to please others.

And it’s not just men, of course.

I’ve seen over and over examples of people who have taken charge because their partners were not stepping up—not from a conscious decision or because it’s who they want to be…

My major relationship going on 6 years now, my Pet, is one of these people.

He has been in charge his whole life. He was thrust into that role. In work. In life.

He felt it was a facade, trying to please the people around him, make people happy.

And when he and I met (at a FemDom party), I KNEW he was not a submissive. Not like many others are. In fact, I figured he didn’t belong there. Was a lookie-loo.

Still, I gave him a chance.

Over the months that followed, I spoke to him about authenticity. I gave him tools. I gave him permission to explore ALL of who he is. His dominant side and his submissive self.

And boy, did he!

Now the joke is that the most dominant man some of my girlfriends know is my submissive.

And believe me, he has earned EVERY BIT of that.

My point is, I don’t care what you’re doing, who you are, what role you choose… to live a truly fulfilling life you have to be 100% authentic. THAT actually takes dominance in life, even when you pledge yourself to another in submission.

And if you think it’s weird, the idea of dominance in submission, think of the strong, dominant authentic men in the military, and how they are often subordinate to those they respect in the chain of command—you’ll get it.

Or think of an incredibly dominant and successful man putting himself under a sensei.

Or a celebrated knight to their monarch.

*Of course, if you believe in the dominance/submission continuum, this will make zero sense to you. Here’s another view: The Dominance / Submission Continuum Is An Incomplete Perspective

What are your thoughts?

Do you believe that dominance and submission are opposites or incompatible in a singular personality?

Do you believe that someone can be both dominant and submissive within one mind, based on the situation or on the people they interact with?

I look forward to your thoughts.

No, You Don’t Understand Me, And That’s OK

I have written multiple times about abuse in a relationship and recovering from it.

And when today’s topic popped up on my calendar, it instantly connected.

When I got married, I believed that my husband understood me.

This belief is what ultimately led me to being abused. I don’t have a history of it, it wasn’t a pattern for me. It was simply that I believed when he told me something, it was from a place of KNOWING me.

Which is funny, because looking back, I didn’t KNOW me.

  • I didn’t know that I’m an amazing person with a big heart.
  • I didn’t know that some people consider me beautiful.
  • I didn’t know that I had value as a person, versus what I could do on any given day.

But I figured if all of those things were true, he would see those things and reflect them back to me, because he KNEW me.

Just like I would look for and see what was amazing in him and reflect those things back at him.

Because, like a mirror reflection, he was “my other half.”

Or, that’s what I believed.

Continue reading “No, You Don’t Understand Me, And That’s OK”

Consent isn’t actually the key.

So I had a revelation the other day in chatting with a fella looking to delve into this thing that we do after a long absence.

We were talking about BDSM and kink theory.

I always try to get a feeling for a potential play partners points of reference, what about all of this is drawing you in? What part of it feeds you and what part of you do you want it to feed.

And I had this moment where we were talking about the importance of consent, when it struck me.

We talk about consent like it is the holy grail of kink.

And it is.
But it also isn’t.

Because there are an awful lot of consenting adults on this site that are unhappy, unfulfilled, lost, damaged or in bad relationships.

Have they consented to the play? I’m going to say here that has to be mostly a yes.

Are they getting what they bargained for? In many cases no.

Because intent, and ethical conduct, and self awareness are as important as consent.

Some “Dominants” enter into kink relationships because they like power and it feeds their ego or their sense of superiority (Or contradicts the sense of inferiority they battle), or frankly for easy sex and pretty girls and boys following they’re every command.

Some submissives /bottoms enter kink looking for a place to belong, a place of safety, a place of escape: from reality or from responsibility.

I don’t think that “most” people, on either side of the equation, are deliberately seeking to hurt or disappoint anyone.

Its easy to get caught up in play and end up in an mental or emotional mine field.

It’s easy to want a slave to humiliate and obey and forget that there is a vulnerable human being at the end of that leash. Its easy to let someone snap on the leash hoping he’ll save you or protect you and own you without realizing that those words mean totally different things to each of you.

Many people don’t examine what parts of this feed them and why.

Exactly what their words mean and what needs are being exposed.

Are you looking for a plaything? Someone to manipulate and control and toy with their emotions and self-worth? Maybe you are, and maybe that’s ok. But its not ok if you were manipulative emotionally and preyed on other vulnerabilities and needs to get said plaything to agree to your terms.

Were you truly honest about what this role means to you? What this journey means to you? What this PERSON means to you? Do they mean anything or are you just practicing your flogging with live bait?

Did you set up unrealistic expectations?

Are you truly looking to benefit your playpartner /submissive /slave /top /bottom /Master /Dom /Daddy… or are you just looking for the fastest path to scratch your itch?

There are many itches: Ego, masochism, sex, control… Are you qualified to break this person down? Are you willing and able and qualified to build them back up again if you do? Are you willing to take that time, energy and commitment?

Because consent isn’t everything. Consent is nothing without honor, integrity and self awareness.


Written and contributed by CatMaverick (FetLife Link).
Cat Maverick is a kinky, poly, leather, hedonist. Basically a libtard feminist trying to make the world a better place.

What Are Your Kinky Questions? ASK THEM!

What is kinky, anyway?

What questions do you have about kink?

OR what questions have you had about kink in the past when you were a brand-spanking new kinkster?

OR what questions would you want a newbie to kink to ask you or an expert that you trust?

(No need to say which is which, necessarily. grins)

If you have answers to the questions you pose, please share them as well. If you have answers to what other people ask, or opinions, please feel free to answer.

I’m looking to find out what you want to know, and to help you find out what you want to know.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m going to be writing a book about “What is kinky?” and I’ll probably take inspiration from your questions, and possibly use (with permission and attribution) quotes of your answers.

So, What Are You Into?

Do you ____?
What do you like to do?
Do you enjoy ____?

I wrote a profile for a reason.

If you approach me without any mention of ANYTHING I’m interested in and then ask me, “So, what are you into?”, I’ll answer with something like:

“My profile is pretty detailed. Perhaps you’d like to ask me something more specific?”

Because frankly, if you are approaching me ONLY for a specific interest, then you are most likely not approaching me at all, but instead a possible wank fantasy, and that’s not what I’m on FetLife for.

If you are, that’s cool.

You’ve just self-disqualified from my interest list, before even really being on it.

I’ve written about similar things before, and someone said:

“I’ve gotten way too many negative reactions when a person’s profile says one thing but they want another thing. So even though some may find it annoying, I try to be polite as possible and not assume what people are interested in.”

This is two things:

1. It’s a convenient excuse to do whatever you want. So. Go on with your bad self, determining someone is likely a liar even before you interact with them is SURE to make for a good relationship beginning (whatever that relationship ultimately becomes).

2. It’s not even attempting to connect with people as they have stated they want to be connected with. Which is lazy or dismissive, or any one of a number of other things.

Again, your right to do whatever.

Just know that those of us who actually write profiles do it for a reason. And ignoring that fact will likely lose you even the opportunity to discover whether we might be into what we’re into with you.