The Big Book of Ass

The Big Book of Ass

All about anal play and pleasure, including training, communication, safety, and more.

by

NookieNotes & Company

Copyright © 2020, Dating Kinky, Inc.

All rights reserved.

v1.10320

This book is dedicated to the first guy who ever stuck it in my butt (RIP, Steven), and to every person who has let me (begged me) to return the favor.

Table of Contents

The Ground Rules

Introduction

I Love Anal Play

And To Be Clear...

But, wait, who am I to be writing this book?

Join The Discussion!

A Bit About Gender, Pronouns & Language

On Gender & Pronouns

On Capitalization & Grammar

A Note On Crediting

Why Anal Play?

So...What Exactly Does Anal Play Involve?

What’s The Big Deal?

What’s In It For Me?

Is There Such A Thing As Anal Orgasm?

Why do those with prostates like anal so much?

Do Those With G-Spots Really Like It, Too?

Is It Safe?

The Straight Poop

Am I Going To Smell Gross?

What Happens If I Fart?

What About...Poop?

If I Do It A Lot, Is It Going To Make Me Incontinent?

Is It Safe To Bring Toys To The Back Door?

Can You Really Lose Stuff Up Your Butt?

Is It OK For Them To Blow Their Load In There?

How Common Is Anal Sex?

If I’m A Straight Guy Who Likes Anal Play, Does That Make Me Gay?

Well, They Do It In Porn, Don't They?

Getting Ready

"So, You Wanna Try Some Butt Stuff?"

What Do I Need To Know About Physiology?

How Should I “Landscape” Back There?

What Should I Do If I Want To Avoid An Accident?

Should I Protect My Hands?

Do I Need To Take Special Care Of My Butt?

Your First Time Playing

Will It Hurt?

Is It Normal To Bleed?

Is There A Way To Practice Before Showtime?

I Don’t Think I’m Ready For Anal Sex…What’s A Good Way To Start With Anal Play?

Do I Need To Buy Anything Special?

Is Spit Enough Lubrication?

Is Using An Enema Recommended?

What Should I Look For In An Anal Toy?

What Do I Need To Know About Fingering Asses?

When Should I Use Buttplugs And Why?

How To Choose The Right Dildo?

How Do I Learn To Use A Dildo For Butt Stuff?

Are "Real" Dicks Better For Anal?

What Is Prostate Milking?

Spearfishing For Poop Sharks: Anal Penetration

What If It Just Won't Go In?

What Position Is Best For Anal?

What If It Hurts—A LOT?

After The Loving: Aftercare

What Should I Be Prepared For, Cleanup-Wise?

Are There Any Long-Term Effects?

I Did It. Now What?

AAR: After Action Report

And, Finally

Shoutouts!

Learn To Love Anal

The Ground Rules

This book is for entertainment purposes only. It’s written for adults who understand the concept of consent and recognize they are responsible for their own actions, behaviors and the consequences thereof.

Any activity involving physical restraint poses some risk of injury. This is also true of any physical punishment. The author and publisher of this book accept no liability for the consequences of your actions.

If you are unsure about any of the practices described in this book (or about anything else, for that matter) seek professional advice from a qualified individual.

And if in doubt...just don’t do it.

This book also contains straight-talking and discusses explicit non-mainstream adult themes to do with sex without shame. If these things offend you, don’t read them and get a refund.

Introduction

Hello and welcome to The Big Book of Ass. I’m Nookie, your guide into the wonderful world of butt stuff.

I’ve got a wide and varied world, full of fun and affection, friendship, silliness, female dominance and, yes, anal.￼

Both ways.

I take it up the butt and I give it. And I like it.

No matter what you call it: pegged, drilled, strapped, driven, ridden, bent and buggered, sissy-fucking, spearfishing for poop sharks, skewered, impaled, rump-wrangling, railed, docking, cornholed, fucked, backdoored, biting the pillow, BUFU’d, butt-diddled, danced the chocolate cha-cha, rookie-loved, fifth-based, Greeked, poked in the brown eye, punched in the starfish, riding the Hershey highway...

I love it.

Anal is not all I love, not even close. But I would not give it up.

I Love Anal Play

No matter what you call it: pegged, drilled, strapped, driven, ridden, bent and buggered, sissy-fucking, spearfishing for poop sharks, skewered, impaled, rump-wrangling, railed, docking, cornholed, fucked, backdoored, biting the pillow, BUFU’d, butt-diddled, danced the chocolate cha-cha, rookie-loved, fifth-based, Greeked, poked in the brown eye, punched in the starfish, riding the Hershey highway...

I love it.

Anal is not all I love, not even close. But I would not give it up.

And To Be Clear...

It wasn’t always fun. My first experiences were quite awkward and desperately lacking. But then, I wasn’t great at PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex the first time, either. Or blow jobs.

But I kept trying because I knew there was more to it.

My first anal experience was with my first-ever boyfriend. And it hurt. And felt good, and I felt like I needed to poop, and I worried about pooping on him even while it happened, and I was a bit ashamed and embarrassed and turned on...

Yeah, not an overall positive experience for me.

My first pegging. Oh, good lord. I had no idea. It was about five years after my first anal. My boyfriend requested it. I’d seen it before, but was not really familiar with how it all worked.

The tools we had were NOT ideal. I couldn’t get the harness to really stay, the dildo was very hard and our body proportions were not made for doggy, which is all we knew how to do for that.

It was messy.

He was enthusiastic but I didn’t get much out of it. It was hard to thrust since his ass was very high for me and the harness was too loose.

Anyway, it was not fun for me. In subsequent adventures, we figured a few things out. I never really got the pleasure with him that I now get from pegging.

I kept with it, because he wanted it and because I got pleasure from seeing his pleasure.

It took much longer before I really got into pegging. But I’m glad I did. I love it. And so does my Pet.

But, Wait, Who Am I To Be Writing This Book?

I’m Nookie. NookieNotes on most sites. I grew up around kinksters and alternative lifestylers, and I’ve never thought anything else made much sense. I’ve been kinky for as long as I can remember, and have always loved bossing people around. My main fascinations are the mental aspects of D/s, communication, submission, and trust. I have an owned Pet and I am a polyamorous bisexual.

I love to write. I write erotica, kinky how-to books, opinion pieces on my blog and on FetLife (under my name, NookieNotes), and on Medium (as Dating Kinky Team). I’ve traveled the U.S. and internationally to teach kinky topics to people all over.

I’m the passion behind DatingKinky.com, a dating site made by a kinkster (me!) for kinksters of all genders, relationship statuses, orientations and more, to search for and find each other for amazing connections!

https://datingkinky.com

I’ve always been curious and adventurous when it comes to sex and luckily, I’ve had a few partners who have been the same, so I’ve explored a lot of sexuality, and I write about it and teach about it whenever I can.

And, well, I'm a big fan of amazing people enjoying amazing sex in a variety of ways, which is why I’m writing this book and sharing my knowledge of anal play and pleasure with you…

Join The Discussion!

Did you know that we offer this book in an interactive online version?

We do.

It has additional download files, worksheets, and discussions, so you can get your questions answered and connect with other kinksters, any time day or night.

Yeah. A book that answers your questions!

Because we want you to succeed with butt stuff.

Just follow the link below and enter coupon code bboa_access for 100% off the cost of the book, and online access.

The Big Book of Ass, Online

A Bit About Gender, Pronouns, & Language

I’ll state right up front that this book is not for everyone.

However, if you’re interested in kink and awesome butt stuff, you’ll find most of what I have to say relatively tame compared to what you’ll see out there if and when you do jump in.

I like to drop an F-bomb or two, and I speak frankly. I don’t intentionally go for shock value, because when people are shocked they don’t learn as well, and my main goal is to educate.

That said, there are a few things you need to know as you read on.

On Gender & Pronouns

A butt-play enthusiast can be any gender.

In this book, I’m talking to you. I don’t know your gender, and I don’t assume it. You are just “you” to me.

I always do my best to be cognizant of gender-sensitive topics. I will speak from my experience and from my research.

For example, when I say, “woman,” I mean cis- or trans-women, or any people who identify as a woman primarily or for at least 50 percent of their daily life.

When I say, “man,” I mean cis or trans-men, or any people who identify as a man primarily or for at least 50 percent of their daily life.

Referring to bodies, I’ll use penis-havers for those of whatever gender who have penises. I’ll use vagina-havers for those of any gender who have vaginas. I’ll use p-spot havers and g-spot havers the same way.

I believe in the range of gender, and I will attempt to address my book to speak to all, as inclusively as possible. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest behind.

On Capitalization & Grammar

Oh. And Capitalization.

On BDSM chat boards and websites, many people make a big deal about capitalizing (or not capitalizing) titles.

For example, Master would be capped, while slave is not.

Dominant or Domme is capped while submissive is not.

Slaves and submissives go so far as to always use lower-case “i” when referring to themselves, or not using the “I” pronoun at all, but avoiding it by referring to themselves in the third person.

Instead of “I would like to point out,” this might be stated as, “he would like to point out,” or “this boy would like to point out,” neither of which will be in use in this book, or any other I write, except as examples.

I (mostly) write English correctly, and that means capitalizing “I” in sentences, capitalizing the first letter, and NOT capitalizing other words in that sentence, just because they are referring to a dominant. Master, dominant and domme are not proper names.

I will capitalize BDSM, D/s and M/s, because they are (in my view) established concepts that have formed with the capitalization as part of the written expression.

Like LOL! For me, it’s just not the same written as lol or Lol. If I’m laughing out loud, it’s in caps.

I’m quirky. I know this about myself. *smiles*

A Note On Crediting

Many kinksters from around the world have offered up thoughts and ideas and viewpoints for this book. 

Not only do I sincerely offer every single one of them thanks, but I’ve gotten permission from each for their contribution, and asked them how they would like to be credited, with a form letter similar to this:

I was wondering if I could use your response:

> “Quote Goes Here”

In my upcoming book on "The Big Book of Ass" 

I think it would be awesome to share your perspective on this topic. *smiles* 

If so, how would you like to be credited? Credits often look like:

Username/Name, AgeGender, Kink Role (URL link)

Or any variation thereof (it can be anonymous, and leave out any information you choose).  

Nookie

Therefore, they have chosen how to be credited—whether they want a link or not, their role or not, their gender or not, or to be 100 percent anonymous. 

That’s why you might find inconsistencies in how people are credited through this book. It’s by their choice and at their consent. 

*smiles*

Why Anal Play?

Anal play has been around pretty much as long as human sexuality has been around, and for good reason: it’s incredibly pleasurable (when done right).

Now, getting anal right is a bit of a mystery for many, and that’s why this book exists. 

You see, the taboo-ness of anal makes it one of those things that many people want to try, but the lack of good information can make it seem scary or lead to negative experiences.￼

That’s why I and my fellow anal enthusiasts are going to give you what we know in a straightforward, accessible way, and do our best to answer all of your questions. 

So...What Exactly Does Anal Play Involve?

Everything butt! 

LOL! I kill myself. 

Seriously, though, anal play includes all forms of anal pleasure and sexuality:

Spanking

Fingering

Plugs/Insertables

Analingus

Intercourse

There is a lot you can do with anal, and you may try all of them and love them all, or you may decide that you prefer just one or two options or none at all. 

Whatever you decide, that’s OK. 

Everyone’s body and pleasure centers are different. 

That’s a good thing to keep in mind with your partners. What you love, they may dislike or even hate, or vice versa, so it’s all about doing what works for the two of you. 

Let’s look at the options in a bit more detail. 

Spanking￼

I’d guess most books on anal play won’t really discuss spanking, since it’s done on the outside of the buttocks, and isn’t really a big mystery. 

After all, most of us have experienced a spanking before. Yee-ouch!

Heck, I didn’t even include it in my other book about anal, In Through The Out Door.

However, I teach a class on the psychology of spanking, and I touch quite a lot on why spanking is pleasurable—because it stimulates the same nerve bundles that the anus and the genitals do: the pudendal nerve.

The pudendal nerve is the main nerve of the perineum. It carries sensation from the external genitalia of both sexes and the skin around the anus and perineum…

—Attributed to Wikipedia

In the case of spanking, as a hand or instrument impacts the bottom, in addition to the normal nerves on the surface of the skin (which are similar anywhere on your body), the vibrations also stimulate the pudendal nerve, creating sensations of pleasure for many people. 

And not just for the pain-equals-pleasure people.

Spanking can be done heavy-handedly or gently. With a good warmup, even harder blows that might hurt otherwise feel deliciously good, and spread warm pleasure through the body and the sexy-parts-genital-bits. 

Fingering

Fingering is where the curious often start their journey into anal exploration. After all, you already have the tools you need, you don’t necessarily need another participant, and because fingers are chock-full of sensitive nerve endings, they are perfect for trying out a bit of tickle and poke. 

More than that, though, fingers are capable of creating intense pleasure sensations, and between two people, anal fingering can be a deeply bonding and intimate experience. 

Plugs/Insertables

Sticking things up your (or someone else’s) butt for fun is a time-honored tradition. In fact, the world’s oldest dildo is estimated at 28,000 years old. 

When it comes to dildos, they actually get double duty here under plugs/insertables and below also classified with intercourse, the difference not being in the dildos themselves, but in how they are used.

dildo • a sex toy, often explicitly phallic in appearance, intended for sexual penetration or other sexual activity during masturbation or with sex partners

butt plug • a sex toy that is designed to be inserted into the rectum for sexual pleasure. In some ways, they are similar to a dildo, but they tend to be shorter, and have a flanged end to prevent the device from being lost inside the rectum

— Both definitions attributed to Wikipedia

Plugs, however, do exactly what the name suggests. They plug up the anus, giving a penetrated sensation. There are multiple kinds of plugs, such as those intended to give a feeling of fullness, and those used for training the sphincters to relax and take larger diameter penetration. 

Analingus

French kissing the butt. Another, slightly less-well-known form of oral sex. 

While it’s generally considered incredibly pleasurable, there are risks associated with mouth-to-ass play that we’ll discuss further on in the book. 

Intercourse￼

I’m defining anal intercourse for the purposes of this book as:

The insertion and thrusting of the penis or dildo (via a harness in the pelvic region) into the anus for sexual pleasure. 

There are a few reasons I’m grouping both flesh and non-flesh phalluses in this way:

I believe that whatever your parts and bits might be, you have an equal opportunity to give pleasure to your partner via penetrative anal sex.

Dildos used with a pelvic harness are used/handled differently in many cases than those wielded by hand, suction-cupped to a shower wall or nailed to a stool (long story, I’ll leave that to your imagination). 

So, intercourse in this book will be popping that sucker into the butthole and thrusting with hips to create pleasure. Vaginal intercourse will be identified separately as such.

So, now that we’ve covered the basics of anal play, let’s move on. 

What’s The Big Deal?

Honestly, I don’t know. 

Unless you mean the big deal that anal play is fun and offers the potential for lots of pleasure.

No? 

Ok. So, the big deal about anal play is mostly that it’s considered a bit taboo by many in today’s societies and the cultures that many of you live in. 

Why? 

Well, there is the fact that anal play is not at all for reproduction, which rules it out as “right” or “acceptable” in many religions, because the ONLY reason to do stuff that doesn’t make babies would be for fun.￼

There is also the fact that anal is the primary sexual act associated with male homosexuality, which in many religions is considered a sin. 

It’s also been given a bit of a bad rap in history, especially in war as a instrument of terror and power, through forced anal penetration as punishment, either with enemy forces, or with enemy women—while not cross-breeding or contaminating bloodlines. 

Add to the fact that the anus is what we use to defecate and anal play is given a low down and dirty reputation. 

And it is PRECISELY that disrepute that makes anal play so fascinating to so many. 

And, as I said before, it’s fun and offers the potential for lots of pleasure. 

What’s In It For Me?

Heck if I know. 

I mean, that all depends on who you are, and why you’re thinking about engaging in anal play or sex. 

There are so many reasons, after all. 

You’re curious. Hey, this is as good as reason as any that follow. A good, healthy sexual curiosity is a wonderful thing. 

You’re obsessed. There are some people who just love butt stuff, even before they’ve ever tried it. It fascinates them, intrigues them and they can’t stop thinking about it. 

You want to experience penetration. You’d like to be entered and filled, and for whatever reason (wrong plumbing, for example) standard PIV (penis-in-vagina) with you is not an option. 

You like it “dirty.” Perhaps you’d like to be your partner’s “dirty, dirty slut,” or your lover’s “down-and-dirty pet.” And I don’t mean messy, here. I just mean breaking taboos, leaving the pristine sex of the Bible behind and exploring other headspaces with your partners (or just by yourself, sure). 

You crave the power dynamic. For many, giving or receiving anal represents a power dynamic of dominance or submission, owning or being owned, taking or giving up control. 

You revel in gender fluidity. Perhaps you fancy a bit of gender play or role-reversal. Because the anus is available to everyone, regardless of their biological sex, it can be a perfect tool for those who’d enjoy trying out sex in a way that another gender could also experience it. 

For penis-having folk, this can be receiving anal penetration. For vagina-having folk, this is a way to be penetrated without using the vagina. 

You enjoy pleasure in all forms. Maybe you’re just the type who wants to experience pleasure in as many different ways as possible, and you’re looking to explore new territory. 

Or, it may be a combination of all of these things and more. 

Truth be told, only you can determine just what you might get out of anal play, and whether it’s worth exploring for you.  

Is There Such A Thing As Anal Orgasm?

Yes. 

Absolutely. 

And the best part: Whatever your gender, anal orgasms are possible! 

Physically, the anus, perineum (the “taint”), and the rectum are connected to your genitals both directly and indirectly through the pelvic and pudendal nerves, which are generally considered part of your “down there” orgasmic response team. 

Take a look at the images for pudendal nerve placement on this page. Note how many of the nerve endings are focused in/around the anus in addition to the genitals. Think about how the pudendal nerve is considered central to orgasm, and you might begin to see the potential pleasure. 

The pelvic nerve connects the cervix, uterus, and prostate to the brain, and the hypogastric nerve relates to the vagina, cervix, and rectum. The role of the vagus nerve is less well understood, though research over the past decade has shown that some people even with completely severed spinal cords can still experience orgasm and that the vagus nerve is the pathway.

ALL of these nerve systems interact with the anus. 

In vagina-having folk, anal penetration primarily stimulates the erectile tissue in the lower part of the vagina and the g-spot.

In penis-having folk, vigorous perineal stimulation can be felt in the prostate. 

Blended Orgasms

Now, while anal-only orgasms are possible, many people will have their first (and often best) anal orgasms as layered or blended orgasms—or in combination with more traditional genital stimulation, such as clitoral, vaginal, or penile. 

In fact, often anal is explored with a finger or plug while the primary focus is on traditional PIV, oral, or manual stimulation, and it adds a bit of kick, rocketing the usual orgasm into high-gear by layering the anal pleasure on top. 

So, don’t hesitate to stimulate other parts of the body while enjoying anal pleasure.  

Why do those with prostates like anal so much?

Again, only they get to decide why they might like anal (or not), and specifically, it’s up to each individual. 

That said, the pleasure most often associated with prostate-having bodies receiving anal play is a result of prostate stimulation, and that’s worth talking about. 

After all, studies have shown that prostate stimulation can make orgasms up to 33 percent more intense.

Let’s look at a visual:￼

Yeah. THAT much better. 

Like living 60 years, instead of 45 years better. 

Like winning by 28 points, instead of tying at 21 points better. 

Like your paycheck with no taxes taken away better. 

And that’s DAMN good. 

And considering that orgasms feel pretty damn good anyway, adding another third of pleasure on top of that is, well, a no-brainer for many. 

I’m not part of some conspiracy to put things in butts. I’m just reporting the facts, here. 

The prostate is the penis-haver’s g-spot.

 Just like the penis and the clitoris are kissing cousins (made of the same erectile tissue), the prostate is the g-spot’s pleasure doppelgänger. 

And I’m guessing you’ve heard plenty about the g-spot no matter your gender, and that you know just how amazing it’s supposed to be. 

Well, here you go. The p-spot.

Don’t say I never gave you anything.   

But, what IS the p-spot? 

The prostate gland is a walnut-sized gland below the bladder, in front of the rectum. 

You can locate the p-spot by inserting a well-lubed finger (or two) or a toy into the anus, and feeling towards the front of the body—or towards the belly button. 

The prostate gland is one of the primary conspirators in reproduction. The prostate makes prostate fluid, which is one of the main components of semen.

No one has yet really figured out why the p-spot feels so damn amazing when stimulated. It just does. 

And…

If you’re still not sure, think of your health. 

A prostate massage helps to excrete old prostate fluid, which helps reduce the risk for prostatitis and certain types of cancers. 

So, it’s good for you, too.

And, well, as far as penis-havers loving giving anal, there is the tightness factor for many…  

Giving: for some, tighter is better.

The sphincters are both stronger and tighter than vaginal muscles, and so create a tighter “grip” around their dick and it feels fucking fantastic. 

Or so I hear. 

Do Those With G-spots Really Like It, Too?

“I have read guys can orgasm during anal because of how their body is made with their prostate and how it’s stimulated. But is it possible for girls to have an orgasm from anal sex alone? Or do we have to do other stuff to orgasm?”

—Anonymous question, online

Most everyone has the physical potential to orgasm from anal alone, although people of all genders often prefer to also enjoy layering sensations for blended orgasms. 

In vagina-having folk, anal penetration stimulates the erectile tissue in the lower part of the vagina and the g-spot, through the thin wall separating the anus and the vagina.￼

Add in the incredibly sensitive nerve endings around the anus and sphincters, and many need no more stimulation than that. 

And, of course, there are reasons beyond JUST physical pleasure for all-bodied genders to enjoy anal sex, some of which we’ve already discussed.    

Is It Safe?

Well, yes. And no. 

EVERY sex you have has potential risk. All of it. 

Penises, for example can be broken during particularly vigorous bouts.

If a vagina is dry and lovers don’t use additional lube, they can cause micro-tears in the vagina.

The same thing can happen in anal sex.

Granted, the vagina does create its own lubrication usually (depending on hormones, etc.) and the anus does not, but that just means that real lube (not saliva) needs to be used for a healthy experience and to avoid those tears. 

So, let’s talk about the risks. 

STDs/STIs

Anal sex is the easiest way to get most STDs/STIs, because the skin there is so much thinner than in other areas of the body and more likely to be damaged (torn), exposing an STI directly to your bloodstream.

That said, it’s a good idea to be practicing safe sex overall, and if you use only properly maintained toys you won’t have to worry about any STIs, and you can still enjoy the pleasure.    

Bacteria/Viruses

Just as with STDs/STIs, any illnesses that have direct access to your bloodstream through your anus/rectum have a MUCH higher chance of infecting you. 

Something as simple as the flu can be transmitted through blowing your nose then using unwashed hands for fingering. 

Of course, if you put those same hands in another’s mouth or close to their eyes this holds true as well. 

Also, anything (fingers, toys, cocks) that have been in an anus are covered with bacteria (possibly hepatitis A or E. Coli), and you want to wash carefully or change your condoms before moving on to vaginal sex or other interactions. 

Analingus, or mouth-to-ass, increases your risk of catching something, so be aware.    

Incontinence

Having rough anal sex without proper preparation and training can damage the sphincters, leaving you with faulty gatekeepers for your poop chute, or at least a 2-4 percent greater chance of having a risk of fecal incontinence with regular anal sex, especially as a male. 

So, don’t do that. 

Read through this book (and others, if you can), take it slow and learn to practice anal sex safely for you and your partner(s).

Hemorrhoids

Hemorrhoids are caused by too much pressure on your lower abdomen over time.

You may get them from pushing too hard while on the pot (going No. 2), from being pregnant (a baby’s worth of pressure) and even just from being overweight.

But not from anal. Hemorrhoids build up over time and anal just doesn’t happen continuously for months at a time.

In fact, some suggest that anal sex is good for preventing hemorrhoids.

Hemorrhoids often occur when you strain and push too hard when going to the bathroom. The anus is made up of many muscles working together. The more you train to relax, the stronger those muscles get, which is a positive thing in moving things along with less strain.

That said, there is also the possibility that the pushing and stretching of anal sex can irritate hemorrhoids and make them worse, so take care.     

The Straight Poop

Hopefully, by now you’ve noticed that I’m going to give you all the information you need as directly as possible. 

Sometimes, I’m going to have some fun with it, of course. After all, a book about anal play without references to the bifkin (taint), chocolate starfish (anus), or riding the Hershey Highway (anal sex) would just be downright dull…

Right? 

*smiles* 

Good. 

So, we’re going to cover some of the more sensitive questions you might have about ass play in this section.

Am I Going To Smell Gross?

You might. After all, this is not porn and we are playing in the poop chute. 

You probably won’t, but there is a chance. 

There are ways to minimize this, of course. 

One of the most obvious ways is to be aware of what you eat. Perhaps Mexican in the 6-8 hours leading up to playtime might not be recommended, especially if you have a sensitive stomach. 

Cleaning yourself well ahead of time will also reduce the chance of noxious fumes. Shower, trim, enema…all are good to consider if you’re inexperienced and maybe a bit squeamish.￼

What Happens If I Fart?￼

Then you fart. 

Frankly, anyone playing in the butt area who is going to be put off by a bit of farting is not ready. 

Turn around and go back to kissing in cars, kiddo. 

Ehhh, maybe not. 

But sorta true. 

A good shagging the traditional way (PIV sex) creates “pussy farts” or “queefs,” and if we’re willing to risk those for a rollicking good time, then the same can be done for anal. 

That said, if you’re going to be worried about it, then watch the foods that cause flatulence: 

Milk and dairy products

Starchy foods like potatoes and pasta

Wheat and oat bran

Foods sweetened with artificial sweeteners, such as soda, gum, and hard candy

Bananas, peaches, apricots, pears, and raw apples

Raisins and melons

Prunes and prune juice

Colas and fruit drinks sweetened with fructose

Beans and lentils

Onions, green peppers, shallots, and scallions

Cauliflower, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and peas

Corn, celery, artichokes, asparagus, and carrots

Now, I’d guess you would know your personal biggest offenders, and be able to avoid them, but if not, take a gander at that list, and take care heading up to the big date. 

And if you do fart, anyway? 

Keep going. 

Laugh. 

No need to be embarrassed. It’s a natural body function, and it’s going to happen at some point if you end up practicing a lot of anal.

What About...Poop?

Shit happens. With anal, literally. 

Even cleaning very carefully, something might slip through. 

The fact is that the anus and the lower part of the rectum generally have very little fecal matter in them in healthy individuals. 

Their purpose is release or passage, not storage, so unless your body is preparing to “go,” it’s probably not going to be as messy/dirty as you might worry it could be. 

Your best bet is to be prepared: 

Surface protector: I like a waterproof mattress pad with the fitted sides cut off to use as a throw. Convenient and washable. 

Washcloths: Get a few inexpensive washcloths and keep them near your playspace for clean-up. 

Baby wipes: Fresh, convenient mess clean up, and disposable. 

If you’re prepared, any mess is will be easily wiped (as needed), bundled up and put in the wash, with no muss, no fuss. 

If I Do It A Lot, Is It Going To Make Me Incontinent?

No. 

No.

No. 

Anatomy generally doesn’t work that way. Just like the vaginal canal does not change shape with a lot of use, or grow to 7 inches in diameter just because a baby has passed through it, a healthy anus will not “stretch out” uncontrollably. 

Having anal sex will likely make you feel like you need to poop right away. 

That’s normal. 

And it may come out more easily. 

Also normal. 

Especially if you just filled your butt with a bunch of lube to help everything slide. 

And if your partner ejaculated in there, well, that’ll also want to find its way out, making things slippery and slidey. 

But long-term incontinence? Nope. 

Not unless you experience incredibly reckless and rough use, or you practice unsafe dilation and rip or tear your actual muscles irreparably or damage your nerve endings.

Which can happen. 

But it’s rare. According to studies, for people with fecal incontinence (about 3 percent of the population), regular anal sex was practiced by only 2-4 percent more people than not. 

So, out of 10,000 people, about 300 will have fecal incontinence. Out of that number only 6-12 more people had regular anal sex than didn’t.

Not big numbers, and by no means an exhaustive or conclusive survey. 

Other studies suggest the numbers might be a bit higher, but did not show cause versus correlation (my numbers up there only show correlation, TBH). 

If you do it WRONG, it could make you incontinent.

Your S2, S3, and S4 nerves extend out from the sacrum and are involved with the functioning of the pubo-rectal sling (responsible for your continence), and can be damaged with unsafe play, thus rendering you incontinent. 

For example, wearing a plug too large for you (and your current training stage) could place too much pressure on the rectal walls. That could restrict blood flow enough over time that you could damage tissue and damage nerves. 

So, as you train your butt for taking larger toys or body parts, make sure to take breaks to allow any blood that may have been blocked due to pressure to flow and feed all those important body parts. 

The rectum lies directly against the sacrum, where the S2, S3, and S4 nerves emanate. You can cause damage to these nerves by extended periods of pressure cutting off blood flow, or by force—like with a hard toy used roughly. 

Pay attention to pain, numbness, or tingling (like pins and needles) in any of the following areas during or after butt play or plug wearing:

glutes (buttocks)

backs of thighs

perineum

clitoris

penis

These are your body’s warning signs of potential damage due to restricted blood flow or nerve damage. 

Is It Safe To Bring Toys To The Back Door?

YES!

Absolutely. 

Make them quality toys, though, if you please. And make sure they are designed for butt play (see the next chapter).

Yes, I know that toys can be a bit pricey. The good ones are worth it, though.￼

Basically, there is one really good thing to look for: 

Non-Porus Sex Toys

Ideally, this is what you’re going to be buying: silicone, borosilicate glass, metals, and treated natural products. 

The reason I and many other sex educators suggest non-porus is because you can sterilize them between uses (which gets them clean and helps avoid recurring infections), between people (safer STD/STI protocol), and most non-porus materials used for sex toys don’t cause allergic reactions. 

Because raging hives and chemical burns on your backside bits is not what you’re looking for from your sexy times, amirite?

Speaking of hives and chemical burns: 

Phthalates

You’ve probably heard of phthalates. They’ve been in the news a lot lately, especially in relation to food packaging. They’re being banned all over Europe in packaging and as additives because of the nasty things they seem to do to the human body. 

Phthalates are what they add to plastic to make it soft. 

Which seems like it would be a good thing. 

They are also usually very cheap, and it’s tempting to buy a toy you might not be sure about if it’s less costly. 

However, they leech off into your body and disintegrate in your drawers (the furniture, not your skivvies), melting and releasing nasty chemical gasses. 

Just no. 

Phthalates are part of the group of not-so-wonderful sex toys. Here are a few more: 

Porus Sex Toys

The opposite of non-porus sex toys, porus sex toys have tiny little holes, like pores in your skin, that trap dirt, body fluids, bacteria and more, and can transfer them from one source to another. 

Which is exactly what you don’t want for safe sex, right? 

Now, you can use these toys in a pinch with a condom over them, to keep them clean, changing the condom with every use. 

However, the toys are still cheap and will off-gas and possibly melt and stick to other toys, even shorting out their own electronics. 

Overall, they are generally not the bargains they might seem to be.  

Because Cleanliness Is Next To Sexiness.

I don’t know a single person who wants a dirty toy shoved into their…anything, so perhaps it goes without saying, but you know I’m going to say it anyway:

Clean your toys.

Clean toys are important. Even if you only use them with one person, you want to keep your toys clean so that you don’t transfer bacteria.

Even your own bacteria, several days later, can cause not-good stuff to happen.

Clean toys means cleaning your toys when you buy them, after you use them, and before you use them again (unless you’ve kept them covered and dust-and-pet-hair-free).

Non-porous toys are ideal, like those made from glass, steel, silicone, etc. Those that are rated as dishwasher safe are the most convenient, as you can run them through a cleaning and sterilization cycle with little fuss.

Boiling your toys for three minutes (after a good scrubbing to remove any debris) also works.

I like soaking my toys for at least 30 minutes in white vinegar, rinsing and letting them dry, then soaking at least 30 minutes in hydrogen peroxide, rinsing and letting them dry. 

And, if you want to keep your toys clean and relatively free of “stuff” of all sorts, consider using condoms over the entire toy.

Condoms stretch amazingly, and you will save a lot of cleaning using them.

Of course, condoms are perfect for toys that get used on more than just one partner as well.

Condoms are not a substitute for all toy cleaning, but they do help speed up the maintenance. 

Also: If you do strap-on play, clean your harness as well. It also comes into contact with your fluids and can build up bacteria. 

Can you really lose stuff up your butt?

Yup. 

Sure can. 

That’s why toys made for butt play have a wide flared base.￼

This keeps them from being sucked up there. 

You heard me right. 

Sucked up there. 

Your anal sphincters are strong (much stronger than your average vaginal muscles), and they can pull sex toys up into your rectum. 

To spare yourself the embarrassment of a trip to the emergency room, make sure your toy has a flared base, meaning that it’s wider at the bottom of the toy than at the tip, and has a narrowed section before the flare, to “catch” the sphincter.￼

Is It OK for Them To Blow Their Load In There?

Sure. 

I mean, if you’ve already gone over the safety issues of having sex without a condom and you feel good about that, there is no reason they can’t cum inside you or you can’t cum inside them. 

It’s not putting you at any more at risk in any way. 

It will be a bit more of a mess to clean up. 

And as I’ve mentioned before, once you have semen up inside your rectum, it may take a while to all come out, unless you douche/enema after to clean yourself.￼ 

How common is anal sex?

Pretty damn common. 

According to my sources, it’s estimated that by age 50, 40 percent of Americans have experimented with analingus (oral-anal sex), fingering, toy insertions or intercourse.

That’s four out of ten. 

Data from the CDC suggests that anal sex with an opposite-gender partner for men and women hovers around 37 percent and 33 percent, respectively.

A survey by Bespoke Surgical researching anal sex preparation methods for gay men and straight women found that 25 percent of straight women have anal sex at least a couple times each month, while 40 percent partake at least few times each year.

One woman of every four is having anal sex regularly, according to those stats!￼ 

If I’m a straight guy who likes anal play, does that make me gay?

Nope. 

Not even close. 

Lots of straight men around the world enjoy anal sex. And that doesn’t make them gay.

Let’s be clear. This really isn’t complicated:

Liking the SAME gender.

Liking a different gender. 

BIG difference!

In fact, a recent US study found that 44 percent of straight men under 50 have had anal sex at least once. So gay or straight, you may enjoy anal sex.

Another thing to note is that if you are a man having anal sex with men that does not make you gay, either.

It may make you bisexual (having sex and relationships with both men and women).

It may make you heteroflexible (having sex with varied genders, but having emotional relationships with women only).

Of course, you may just be gay. 

And that’s cool. Or homoflexible (having sex with varied genders, but having relationships with men only).

Or you may be your own thing.￼

And gay sex isn’t just anal sex. A 2011 study found that only just over a third of gay men surveyed said they had anal sex last time they made love. So, not even gay men are always having rump romps.

Do not let one sexy fun action define you or your lover.

You are what you are. 

And engaging in or avoiding anal sex will not change who you are, or prevent you from being exactly that.

Well, they do it in porn, don't they?

Yup. They sure do. 

And the WAY they do it in porn is pretty much like the way they handle disagreements between well-trained, virile leading-men in action movies. 

That is to say without a touch of every day reality. 

Let’s talk a bit about anal in porn, shall we? 

The preparation is extensive. For a single day of filming anal scenes, many actresses have admitted to taking three, four, even five days to prep. Training, eating the right food, cleaning, and practicing. 

They use lube. Lots of it. You just don’t get to see them applying it during cut breaks. Just like your favorite hero can somehow take blow after blow to his broken ribs and keep killing the bad guy, porn is movie magic. 

They rest. They don’t really jackhammer pound ass for 15 minutes without stop. They rest, shoot other scenes (sometimes) and come back when they’re ready. 

There are messes. These are cut out of filming, of course, and everyone/everything is cleaned before shooting more. 

They take cut breaks to clean off before switching ass to mouth or ass to vagina. Sometimes, they will super-clean one area (and apply bacterial gel, like you might use on your hands) JUST to get that switch scene, then clean up some more for the rest. 

They choose positions and angles for exposure and entertainment, not pleasure. Duh. 

They aren’t “ever-ready” for anal. Stars will take breaks of days, even weeks, between a certain number of anal shoots to recover and get everything back to normal. 

They do get harmed. Some porn stars, after leaving the business, ‘fess up to having been hurt while filming (vaginal and anal tears, for example), even taking pain killers before and during shoots to help them get through the ordeal. 

They don’t do in their personal lives as they do on screen. Few porn stars enjoy the same kind of Olympic-grade anal (or any other kind of) sex offscreen in their personal lives, just like Robert Downey Jr. doesn’t fly around the world picking technology-enhanced fights and brawling with bad guys in his personal off-screen life. 

Not all porn stars love anal. Some porn stars feel like their asses can take way more rough use (with lots of lube and prep) than their vaginas, while others don’t enjoy the back door nearly as much. Bodies differ and abilities differ. Just as not everyone can be an Olympian speed skater, not everyone is built to be an anal champ. 

Getting Ready

So, you’ve decided you’re going to do it. What do you need to get ready? 

Well, first, you’ll need to communicate with your partner. 

(Oh no!)

In that communication, the two of you will want to decide just how “prepared” you want to be.

Then, get started. 

It’s that simple. 

But as we all know, sometimes that communication thing is not so easy. I’ll give you a few pointers.￼

"So, You Wanna Try Some Butt Stuff?"

Talking to your partner about anal can be challenging, especially if you’re not super-comfortable communicating about sex in general.￼

How Do I Convince My Partner To Try Anal With Me? 

OK, so I’ll state for the record that when I say convince, I mean it just as I say it. That is, I mean persuade someone to your way of thinking.

I do not mean badger them, annoy them, goad them, pester them, harass them or force them.

PERIOD.

Anal sex should be positive and pleasurable, just like any other kind of sex. No one should ever feel obligated or forced into it. Ever.

So, you want to convince your partner to try ass play (giving or receiving) without thinking that you are a freak, weird, slutty, gay, twisted...

Well, truth be told, there is only so much you can do. Some partners are game to try anything once (or a hundred times), and some prefer their quiet little universe of “known and acceptable sex acts.”

In other words, you may never get what you want. You may also wish you’d never asked, if you convince them and they like it more than you do. But, I say you run the same risks with introducing your partner to anything: football, reality TV, Mexican food, your other partners...

(Kidding! Just making a silly point, especially since most of the poly people I know LOVE meeting other partners.)

In any case, you’re going to have to...you guessed it!

Communicate

There are three types of partners, when it comes to anal:

Those with no anal experience.

Those with negative anal experience. 

Those with positive anal experience.

Of course, if your partner has had mostly positive anal experiences (giving or receiving), they are more likely to be open to your suggestion.

Or your partner may have been a Giver, and not have any experience with receiving, or vice versa.

Generally, though, a positive experience gives you a leg up (or maybe both legs up! LOL! I crack myself up!). It’s easier to understand someone wanting to experience something that you find pleasurable as well.

Those with no anal experience could be easy to convince (“Hey! Let’s try this!” “OK.”), or may have resisted for a long time and you are just one more in a long succession of lovers trying to talk them into something they just have no interest in.

If your partner has had a negative experience, that will usually make the convincing more difficult, because of natural resistance to avoid something unpleasant.

However, if, like me, they are still curious, it may actually be easier to convince them to try a second (third, fourth, or hundredth) time.

Regardless of the experience (or lack thereof) of your partner, you will want to be respectful of their thoughts and feelings.

Let me say that again:

Regardless of the experience (or lack thereof) of your partner, you will want to be respectful of their thoughts and feelings.

That may seem a bit obvious, but let me explain.

If you’ve wanted to try anal for quite some time, you may have spent weeks, months, maybe years fantasizing about it.

You may have read books, watched porn, searched online for information, and you may be ready and rarin’ to go.

Your partner is probably nowhere near that level of excitement and, if you come on that strong, might get the point that you want anal play but could also feel threatened by all of the information and ideas you have.

Or feel like it’s about the fetish of anal play itself and not about anal play with YOUR PARTNER, specifically.

As a woman dominant on kink sites, I am constantly approached by men who see me as some sort of fetish delivery system. Instead of getting to know and respect me as an individual, they see me as someone who may provide the sexy fantasies they have in their mind.

While nothing may be farther from the truth, you will want to be careful, so you do not accidentally give that impression.

Since you already have this book, you may want to use it as a discussion-starter. Bring up a few points that particularly excite you, and discuss them.

To reduce the pressure that something new like this can bring, try having your discussions about your anal interests when you are not in bed, but are sharing some intimate time together.

Over dinner, while rubbing their feet, while your feet are getting rubbed, or on a car ride.

Start asking first about anal play. Fingers, tongue, small toys, perhaps a small vibe. While you may suggest anal intercourse or pegging at this point, realize that many people are terrified (and rightly so) of a sudden push into the nethers without a proper preparation. Even worse if they’ve actually experienced it before with painful results.

Reassure your partner that you love and respect them no matter what their answer. And that you still find them attractive. That is a biggie. That you’re not looking to spice up your sex life out of plain boredom with them.

Also, offer to help with cleaning and providing the toys and supplies as needed to make your partner feel comfortable.

Important note:

You are asking for something that may be a bit out-of-the-box for your partner and can be both energy and time-intensive. If you are asking for all this, it might be a good idea to stop and ask yourself what you are giving.

If you are not the kind of partner always trying to give as good as you get (or better—that’s the ideal), you may want to become that person before asking for anal like this.

Tips On Convincing The Giver

Trade

If your partner is not yet convinced, offer a trade. They play with your ass to help you fulfill your fantasy in exchange for a night of you doing as they request to fulfill their own fantasy (within reason).

Begin at the Beginning

Do not start off requesting anal intercourse or pegging (especially if you feel your partner might be resistant). Instead, try buying a fun toy, like a plug, together, and wearing it for your partner.

Perhaps you can wear a plug during your work day, and send naughty text messages to your partner saying that you’re thinking about them.

Or, wear a plug during regular sex and mention how good it feels.

Be sure to make it clear how much of a turn-on it is, and reinforce the message with some amazing romance and giving in the sack to follow.

Tips On Convincing The Receiver

Trade

If your partner is not yet convinced, offer a trade. You get to play with their ass (all safewords and requests to stop will be in full force) in exchange for a night of them playing with you as they see fit (within reason).

Comfort Level

Promise to allow your partner to set the level of reception they feel comfortable with for the night and DO NOT go past that level. Of course, if they are not ready to go that far and say so, stop prior to that level.

Follow up the evening with sweet, reinforcing words about how hot it was for you, how sexy.

Shop!

Shop for toys with your partner. Let them pick out what they think might feel good.

Talk It Out

Talk with your partner about things you’ve read in this book about pleasure, and discuss what your partner’s fears and concerns are. Sometimes just talking them out (even without resolving them) is enough.

Share

Read some anal play erotica with your partner to get them excited.

Take It Slow

If you are allowed basic play, take it slow. There is no need to go from 0-60 in one night. Or even in one week, unless your partner is a racing fiend, too.

Consider light anal play and penetration (even just your fingertip) during oral pleasuring and orgasm. This will help link the pleasure of orgasm to anal play.

Fantasies

Use fantasies to help your partner get used to the idea of anal play.

What Do I Need To Know About Physiology? 

It’s ideal to know the parts of the butt, and how and why they work the way they do. By understanding what you’re working with, you’ll get more from the butt play you try. 

I’m going to talk about both the outer parts of your ass and the inner parts, giving you a good overview of your playground so you can please and be pleased better. 

The Outer Butt

Buttocks

The most obvious part of any ass is the buttocks. This is the part we salivate and drool over when we see a nice set walk by.

Your ass cheeks are a mass of gluteal muscles wrapped in a layer of fat and skin. They also have a generous portion of nerve endings that allow for multiple sensations. Because of the extra padding of fat and muscle, the buttocks can often take much more violent play than other areas of the body.

Whether you are the giver or receiver in your relationship/play (or both), your glutes are important to you.

Buttocks on receivers are usually the inspiration and site of much teasing and play for the giver. Whatever your ass shape and size, your giver finding it attractive and enticing will certainly help the game along.

For the givers, the glutes are critically important during any ass play that involves thrusting the hips. The glutes are one of the muscle sets that will power those thrusts forward, and if you’re not conditioned, you’ll feel it the next day.

Trust me on this. 

In fact, this is why one of the bonus lessons in Learn To Love Anal is titled, Strengthen Your Fuck Muscles, LOL!

Just Say Yes To Crack

Officially known as the intergluteal cleft. Unofficially known as the butt crack, ass crack, chocolate valley, and banana split.

Of course this is where your anus lies, between your buttocks.￼

The Fleshy Fun Bridge

Yes, I admit, I got this one from Cards Against Humanity. Totally stole it. So what?

Your perineum, also known as the taint, the durf, the grundle, or the bifkin, is the space between your asshole and your front-facing goody bits, regardless of biological sex.

Every human body has the potential for receiving pleasure from this area being touched, pressed and licked.

In p-spot-having people, the taint tends to be a bit longer than in g-spot-having folk. This allows for additional access to pleasuring the prostate indirectly. 

Your Chocolate Starfish

The anus, mahogany knot, asshole, butthole, or brown eyed willy is a part of the body controlled by a sphincter muscle.

This is where you release fecal matter, and choose (or not) to receive pleasure from insertion as well.

The anus has incredible sensitivity and a multitude of nerve endings to increase the potential for pleasure, thanks to the pudendal nerve.

And those nerves are connected to the same bundle in every gender that connect whatever pleasure package you rock on the front (penis, vagina, glitterbox, whathaveya) to your spine and eventually your brain.

But regarding your starfish itself, most people don’t realize exactly what lies beyond. And, frankly, what many people don’t know scares them.

So, Let’s Talk About The Inner Butt

There are two different sphincter muscles in your anus, the sphincter ani externus and sphincter ani internus (exterior anal sphincter and internal anal sphincter, respectively). These sphincters are rings of muscles, used to control the movement of stuff through your body.

In this case, to keep things in or let them out of your bowel.

The external sphincter is yours to command by relaxing or tightening it at will.

The internal sphincter is an involuntary muscle, there to keep you continent while you sleep, or if you’re unconscious for any reason. You don’t control this muscle the way you do your other sphincter.

However, once you have trained it (and taken your time), this little ring can expand to take things the size of which you might never believe, and the nerve endings there will send sensations straight up to your skull.

For good or ill. LOL! 

Your Feel Goods

We’ve already talked a bit about your pudendal nerve and how it’s connected to your brain’s pleasure centers. 

The perineal/rectal nerves play a part in your super-sensitive anus as well. 

Something to note, however: There are VERY FEW nerves connected to your rectum itself, which means that you really—REALLY—want to keep yourself totally lubed, because you won’t feel all that much if it starts to dry out up there and possibly tear that thin skin.

The Passage Beyond

The rectum is the internal “tube” between your anus and your colon.

In a relaxed, non-full state, the rectum measures about four to four and a half inches (10-12 centimeters) long, and lays collapsed flat. A sheath of longitudinal muscle surrounds the outside wall of the rectum, making it possible for the rectum to shorten and lengthen, and it may expand to fit many widths as needed.

The skin inside the rectum is thinner than in most areas of your body (thinner than the skin inside the vagina, even), and so care must be taken not to tear or rip it, especially since the nerves of the rectum are not really sensitive to pain. LOTS of lube works wonders for this.

Your Favorite Colon￼

That spot where the rectum takes a hard left? That’s your colon.

The average anal enthusiast will never have a need for this area, as they just won’t get that far.

There are some, though, who really do like the long ones, and take them up into the colon and even the large intestine, so I’ll mention it here.

It’s possible to get a super-flexible toy around the sharp bend from the rectum into the colon, and sometimes even straighten it out (it’s very mutable down there), but many people never can, and of those who do, some describe a feeling of nausea overcoming them.

I don’t recommend it, and I don’t teach about it, myself. 

How Should I “Landscape” Back There? 

While people have been doing the poop chute party for almost as long as there have been people (and far longer than there have been hair removal systems), most people these days do like a bit of preparation in the form of hair neatening and cleansing, at the very least.

There are reasons for this. As much as ‘au naturel’ may be appealing for visual reasons, scent/pheromones, etc., it does provide a bit more challenge, as anyone who’s ever gotten a wiry genital hair stuck in their teeth (ouch for you!) or throat (cough, hack!) can tell you.

In this chapter, we’ll discuss your hair-control options.

And they are OPTIONS. You need not do anything you don’t want to do, and no one should force you (and you should not force anyone else, either).

Weed Whacking

The most common type of grooming for anal play is done to hair. The chocolate valley can get quite bushy in it’s natural state, and while hair has several wonderful tasks, such as preventing chafing and capturing scent and pheromones, it also gets caught in teeth, can be harder to keep clean, and can reduce sensitivity and access to specific spots.

So, let’s talk a bit about your hair-care options.

Trimming

Trimming your hair is the lowest-maintenance option, the easiest to get right on your own (without nicking yourself with a razor) and generally quite acceptable.

With trimming, you also don’t run the risk of getting ingrown hairs, which are extremely painful and unsightly especially if they are on or around your sex bits (they can look like an STD). A good trimmer will trim so close that it will feel near as smooth as a shave, and will leave enough of the hair intact to almost guarantee a smooth and straight hair regrowth.

After you trim, apply some talcum powder (I actually use Honey Dust from Kama Sutra for this. It dries you, tastes good, is antibacterial, and 100 percent natural). Any of your preferred talcs or body powders will do, just to prevent the region from chafing and rubbing against your clothes. It also helps to keep the area feeling dry and cool.

If you get dry skin, you’ll want to moisturize the area and leave it for some minutes before applying the talcum powder, so you give your skin a chance to absorb the moisture from your lotion.

Be careful about lotions with artificial scents and chemical additives. They can irritate sensitive skin. Consider a natural alternative such as coconut or olive oil. Almost no taste, just in case, too. *smiles*

Shaving

Shaving is one of the next possible steps after trimming. Of course, the benefits are that you’re smooth as a newborn baby’s bum and that it looks quite pretty.

However, some people have horrible reactions to shaving their tender regions, and if you have sensitive skin I don’t recommend it. Razor burn is NOT something you want to get in your ass crack.

I promise you this.

When choosing to shave, trim first if your hair is more than about 1/4” long (about .64 centimeters). This will help reduce nicks and increase accuracy.

Apply a shaving cream or shaving balm. Use a high quality blade and always go with the grain, never against, to avoid additional irritation and/or reddened ingrown hairs.

It’s hard to see/reach around to your bum sometimes. For those having a difficult time, consider covering a chair (with no arms) with a towel, and using a bowl of warm water, so that you can position yourself in front of a mirror, to see all that you need to see.

Or, better yet, have your partner help you with this. Grooming can be a bonding ritual.

As with trimming, apply some talcum powder (I use Honey Dust from Kama Sutra for this. It dries you, tastes good, is antibacterial, and 100 percent natural).

Any of your preferred talcs or body powders will do, just to prevent the region from chafing and rubbing against your clothes. If you’re going to be doing sexy times, though, keep taste in mind. Talc is not particularly yummy.

It also helps to keep the area feeling dry and cool.

If you get dry skin, you’ll want to moisturize the area and leave it for some minutes before applying the talcum powder, so you give your skin a chance to absorb the moisture from your lotion.

(Yes, I KNOW I repeated that section. Some people are gonna skim the trimming section, and they still deserve this information.)

Depilatories

Depilatories are wonderfully easy. Slather them on, wait an allotted 10-15 minutes, wipe, then rinse off. Sometimes you repeat.

Be very careful. If you’ve not used a depilatory regularly in some time (or at all), I suggest a spot test before doing your whole bottom.

Some people do not react well to depilatories in their nethers (see this review of Veet Gel for Men), and they can get chemical burns on their skin, or their eyes can tear up, thanks to the fumes. MUCH better to do this in a small spot, rather than your whole crack.

Of course, if you don’t have a negative reaction, you have a fast and easy way to get soft and smooth quickly.

Waxing

Waxing is second only to the holy grail of laser in hair removal. Waxing is a form of semi-permanent hair removal which removes the hair at the root, literally ripping it out of your body.

People love it because it can last 4-6 weeks (some people will start to see regrowth in only a week due to some of their hair being on a different growth cycle), and rarely does it cause the same issues (ingrown hairs and such) as shaving. 

Also, there are no sharp blades near your butt. YASSSS!

However, for those who’ve never been waxed before, be forewarned. Some take it like a champ, but waxing has been known to make grown humans cry like caterwauling infants. It helps to use a bit of numbing lotion on your parts before and after waxing, to cut the sting.

It’s a challenge (read: nearly impossible) to do for yourself, so find a well-recommended waxer, or ask your partner to help you.

If your partner is a sadist, this might be a particularly effective request, LOL!

Kidding. 

A bit. 

Actually, as I said before, grooming can be a very bonding experience, so do consider getting your partner involved, if you think he/she might be interested.

There are different kinds of waxing kits available, so if you choose to do this for yourself, follow the instructions.

If your kit does not come with a numbing lotion, I highly suggest getting one, as it will help ease your discomfort and reduce the pain, as well as moisturize your skin.

Laser

Laser hair removal has come a long way. It’s now generally considered a permanent hair removal option, so be sure of your choice before rushing ahead.

A pulse of light is used to destroy a group of hair follicles at one time. Usually an area the size of a quarter is treated with each pulse.

All hair grows in three phases (anagen, telogen, and catagen). Laser hair removal can only affect the currently active growing hair follicles (early anagen).

Therefore, several sessions are needed to kill hair in all phases of growth, for permanent reduction.

You will likely need 6-8 treatments/sessions, with three to eight weeks between, depending on the area being treated (different areas, different growth cycles).

Of course, there are many factors that can influence the number of sessions and time between, so plan on talking with your specialist to get all the details and a good regimen in place.

I’ve had personal experience with laser hair removal and highly recommend it. It is a bit painful (like getting a tattoo, or having a rubber band snapped against your skin), but after eight sessions, you live nearly hair-free with no fuss or pain thereafter.

More than a decade after last being lasered, I’ll be getting another few touch-up sessions, to clean up a few spots with new hair growth.

If you choose to go the laser route, I highly recommend Groupon.com for discounts, often 30-75 percent off retail.

I received this question via email: “You mentioned in your email about laser hair removal and about using Groupons, etc. I spoke with my dermatologist about this a while back, and she, quite emphatically, told me to avoid places like that and to go to an actual dermatologist. Do you agree? Is it something that should only be done in a medical office or can these other laser hair removal places be just fine?”

I replied, “like anything else, this is all about Risk Aware. I believe (I am no doctor, don’t take only my word for it) that laser hair removal has come a very long way. Brazilians are being done every day by licensed laser operators without issue. I’ve personally had my own bikini line done, and I could not be happier. AND, you could very possibly find a dermatologist also on Groupon, so you could have both.”

If you are a penis-haver, do call and ask if they do anal lasering for you before buying, as some salons refuse, and there are rarely refunds offered from special discounts like those I’ve mentioned.

What Should I Do If I Want To Avoid An Accident?

Don’t eat spicy food! 

Kidding. 

Sort of. 

You can’t be sure you’re not going to make a mess. You can do things to minimize it, and to make clean up easy if it does happen. 

For example, don’t eat anything that has traditionally upset your gut or given you a lot of gas within 24 hours of your planned butt play. 

Consider cleaning yourself out, as noted in Is Using An Enema Recommended?

Also, because you never know, prepare by putting down protection for the bed or furniture. 

Should I Protect My Hands?

That is entirely up to you and your partner. 

Using rubber or nitrile gloves for any sort of fingering play is safe sex, especially if you have any open sores or cuts, cracked skin or cuticles. 

Because, as I’ve already mentioned, it’s easy for an infection to transmit directly through the blood stream, and we’d like to avoid that. 

If you choose not to use gloves, then consider the condition of your hands and whether they might harm your partner’s butt. Remember: the skin of the rectum is very thin, we don’t want to cause tears, and we don’t want to irritate your partner’s anus.￼

Ditch The Dragon Nails

Have I mentioned that the anus and rectum have much thinner skin than the rest of the body?

I have. 

I’ll do it again: 

The anus and rectum have much thinner skin than the rest of the body.

They do.

And that is a BAD place to break the skin barrier, what with all the possibilities for infection. Soooo, let’s talk about those of us who love longer nails.

You’re right, the ladies of porn have long manicured nails, and don’t take the precautions I’m suggesting here. I think we all know by now that most porn is NOT realistic, nor is it very focused on safety education. Just take my word on this stuff.

Because nails are weapons. And can seriously damage the thin skin inside of you. We don’t want that.

So, if you’re planning on some fingering, your nails will ideally be cut to the quick, below the tip of your finger and filed WELL.

How well? Several different grit-levels of filing and buffing well. So well that if you run your nails along some nylons or hosiery, there will be no catching.

Heck, make sure your skin is also soft and smooth. Dry, rough and cracking (heaven forbid) winter hands can also irritate or tear at the delicate lining of your partner’s butt, so consider doing a buff and polish to the skin of your hands as well.

As I’ve mentioned before, if you have broken skin on your hands (splits due to dryness, cuts, hangnails), glove up to avoid infection.

Better yet, have your partner do a buff and polish hand massage for you. It’s relaxing, feels great and can be a sensual part of foreplay before butt play. By involving your partner, you both get the benefit of the hand massage and smoothing, so if play happens later, you’re ready to give and receive!

If you have longer nails, and you just cannot bear to cut them, try this trick: stuff a cotton ball (or part of one) in the tip of your glove fingers, to pad and allow you to keep your nails and still enjoy insertion play.

Do I Need To Take Special Care Of My Butt? 

Taking care of your anal health will lead to a longer, more satisfying sex life, for both your front and back entrances.

Taking Care Of Your Ass

Your butt does wonderful things for you: Taking out your body’s trash, giving you a comfy place to sit and offering all manner of pleasure.

The least you can do for it (and yourself) is to take good care of it. Fortunately, the ways you take care of your ass are the same ways that you would use to take care of the rest of your body.

Eat Right

Eat fiber-rich foods, especially plant material. Lots of veggies and fruits. It will help keep you regular, and that keeps waste moving through your colon as it should.

It also keeps said waste together, meaning that your rectum will be relatively clean between expellations.

Lots of fiber will keep your stools nice and soft, without being squishy, so that you don’t have to strain to use the restroom.

Let It Gooooooo!

(Yes! I managed a Disney song reference in an anal book. My life is now complete!)

Go No. 2 when you need to. Don’t hold it in.

When you hold it in, your excrement will head back up into your colon, where it loses moisture, and becomes more compact, and that makes it harder to poop, causing strain and, eventually, possible hemorrhoids and fissures.

Exercise!

To learn to relax your anus, you need to learn about and condition your PC muscles (The full and correct name of this group of muscles is Pubococcygeus. I think PC is so much easier to say and pronounce.).

It’s easy to find your PC muscles (to which your sphincters are connected), by stopping the flow of urine next time you pee.

You just used your PC muscles. Practice that feeling, clenching and relaxing those muscles.

PC muscle exercises are also known as kegels, and have many benefits for all genders beyond anal health.

People With G-Spots:

Kegel exercises as they are known today were developed in the 1940s by gynecologist Dr. Arnold Kegel, who recommended that women recovering from childbirth exercise their pelvic floor to prevent health problems.

Health problems like stress incontinence, urge incontinence, and pelvic floor weakness (due to childbirth).

However, in follow-up examinations he soon discovered a very exciting side-effect to the treatment: patients doing Kegel exercises regularly were achieving orgasm more easily, more frequently, and more intensely.

The muscles you strengthen during Kegel exercise, the PC muscles, are some of the muscles that contract during orgasm, so toning them enhances those sensations and makes it easier to reach climax. And the numerous benefits of orgasms range from beating stress to boosting the immune system, so having more and better orgasms can only be a plus!

Stronger pelvic muscles also mean a tighter vagina—so both you and your partner will feel more intense sensations during sex.

But tighter isn’t the only thing...doing kegels teaches you how to relax not just your anus, but your vaginal canal as well, so they help with taking larger cocks, toys, hands, and even...help reduce the pain of childbirth.

People With P-Spots

As you age, urinary and bowel incontinance can become a problem (even without anal sex, it’s just an aging thing), especially for those with poor muscle tone.

PC exercises have been linked to improved bladder control. Kegels are also used in the treatment of male prostate difficulties such as prostatitis and BPH (benign prostatic hyperplasia).

Having strong PC muscles and doing Kegel exercises also has sexual health benefits for men. Studies have shown they help improve the strength of your erection, circulation and have been used for decades as a standard technique with erectile dysfunction concerns.

Kegels have also been shown in studies to be effective for many men who struggle with premature ejaculation.

Side note: Kegels are also used by men to develop the ability to orgasm without ejaculating, thereby getting to experience multiple orgasms. See the book, The Multiorgasmic Male.

In addition, strong PC muscles have been associated with stronger, more intense ejaculations.

All Genders:

To exercise your PC muscles, try these movements in three workouts per day — morning, noon, and night:

Suck It Up, 10 to 30 reps per day. Inhale, and pretend you are sucking water up into your anus. When you breathe out, bear down and push out the imaginary water.

Hold Tight, 100 reps per day. Inhale deeply and contract your PC muscles, holding them for a few seconds. Relax the muscles when you exhale. 

Quick Release, 20 to 50 sets per day. Inhale deeply and, as you breathe in, quickly clench and release the muscles repeatedly (about 10 times); try to do the contractions as quickly as you can. Relax as you exhale.

Pull My Finger. Another way to help gauge your overall level of relaxation is by making it a habit to insert a soapy or lubricated finger into your anus while showering or bathing. You can practice squeezing and releasing your PC muscles at this point as well, and this provides immediate feedback about your level of relaxation.

Your First Time Playing

Your first time. As the giver or the receiver, it can be a bit scary.

Heck, anything you’ve never done before can seem scary the first time.

Following, you will find an overview of what you might need to have on hand and do for a hypothetical first-time experience from the start to the ultimate finish: penetrative anal sex, with a dick or dildo.

Now, you may not go the full distance your first time—or any time. Maybe you’ll just play a bit with a tongue or a finger.

That’s cool. 

There is no need to rush. 

Take it as slow as you and your partner need to make this a comfortable and pleasant experience.￼

You may have also been preparing for your first time trying something new back there in the days and weeks leading up to it, with different levels of play and anal training, so you might be ready to start a bit further along than I’ll discuss. 

That’s cool, too. 

It’s all about you and your partner. 

Will It Hurt?

Ideally, no. 

Pain is a signal from your body that something is going wrong. 

However, you are trying something new. The first time you do pretty much anything physical, there can be some kind of pain and/or discomfort: PIV sex (penis-in-vagina sex), running, stretching, lifting weights, etc. 

So, let’s say there might be some pain and/or discomfort the first time around. 

However, if it’s very sharp or very long lasting, I suggest you dial back on what you’re doing, until you’re feeling comfortable and relaxed again. 

Even as an experienced player, some days might be more painful or less relaxed than others. That’s OK. 

Just move on to something else for now. 

Because good, healthy anal is not painful.  

And that is why I created Learn To Love Anal: to teach people how to experience anal pleasure without the pain that many associate with it. 

Is It Normal To Bleed?

Normal? Yes. 

Desirable? Not at all. 

Remember what I’ve said about bacteria and diseases and the blood? 

Right. 

Anal stuff + open wounds = potentially bad things. 

So, bleeding is a sign that stopping and rethinking your approach is probably a good idea. 

Possible reasons for bleeding: 

Tearing in the skin of the sphincter because of stretching too far too fast. 

Small cuts inside the rectum from poor-quality toys or rough skin/fingernails. 

Not enough lube creating friction tears. 

Irritated hemorrhoids.￼

None of these things are good, so if you see blood (especially but not only when accompanied with pain), best to stop and check out all your systems before proceeding. 

Also, when you find blood during anal play, it should be bright, from a recent wound. Any blood that is dark in color may be coming from a bleed further up in your colon or intestines, and should get checked out by a doctor ASAP. 

That’s no bueno, and not related to your anal play, most like. Just discovered by it. 

Is There A Way To Practice Before Showtime?

You mean practice by yourself before exposing it all with a partner?

Of course!

Self-exploration is one of the best ways to get started with anal. Which is why my online class, Learn To Love Anal has instructions for people practicing singly as well as those with partners.

I mean, think about it…

You know how you are feeling: what is too much, where you can push a little harder, explore a little further.

You can test out what might feel best to you, so you can communicate it to your partner.

Granted, it can be a little more awkward. After all, you won’t have the same positioning and leverage that a partner might, but with the right toys and a willingness to explore, you can figure out quite a lot on your own.

And I highly recommend it.

Not so much for the masturbation aspect (although if you’re into that, that’s cool, too!), but for getting nice and familiar with your bottom parts and how it feels when they are touched and explored and penetrated.

Knowing how you like it, what sizes you can easily (or not-so-easily) take, the positions you feel most comfortable in…all of this can make a difference in your experience with a partner, and how you can guide them in the right directions to pleasure you.

I Don’t Think I’m Ready For Anal Sex…What’s A Good Way To Start With Anal Play?

TOTALLY get that. 

My first time, we went right to penetration, and that was rough. 

Like REALLY rough. 

YIKES!

There were a few good moments, but overall, I was not impressed, and gosh, it really felt weird how much I felt like I needed to poop. 

I actually think this question is best answered in the previous chapter, on taking yourself for a ride (figuratively, not necessarily literally) before going for the gusto with a partner. 

However, let’s say you’re not really a DIY-er, or you’ve done all that you feel like you can do and now you want to try “anal lite” with a buddy. 

Cool. Let’s talk about this. 

I actually created a system for anal training, called Learn To Love Anal. I’ve been creating it, testing it, and tweaking it for about three years now, and it’s pretty extensive. 

It walks anyone, single or coupled, through creating immense anal pleasure and reducing, even eliminating pain!

However, in this book, I can share with you the progression of anal play from cold start/beginner to full-on size-queen-anal-slut that I have developed and use. 

Of course, there is no need to try it all. Start where you’re comfortable, and end wherever you feel. 

Step 1: Fingering 

Soft finger, to the inner gate

Soft finger, to the prostate or rectum

Aggressive finger

Multiple fingers

Additional Play: 

Brushes (the bristles), external: Paint, makeup, BBQ (unused)

Genital stimulation

Trigger points: nipple, earlobe

Thumb

Dirty talking

Step 2: Vibrators

Vibrator, external

Vibrator, penetration

Step 3: Plugs

Plug, insertion

Plug, insertion + wearing

Plugs during other play

Step 4: Dildo or Penis

Dildo or penis, insertion

Dildo or penis, fucking

You may skip steps, or not want to experiences some of this play, of course. What you and your partner(s) does/do is entirely up to you. 

I like this list for the completeness of sensations and training, and the build-up of ‘difficulty’ over time and play sessions. 

Do I Need To Buy Anything Special?

Yes. At the very least, you’ll want lube.

Lubes

Does the kind of lube matter?

It really does.

“However, conventional vaginal lubricants are designed to be slightly acidic, making them less suitable for anal play, as the strong chemicals they contain, like glycerine and polypropylene glycol, are known to damage the lining of the rectum, but there are lubricants out there that are specifically designed for anal play.”

Susi Lennox, sexual health expert and co-founder of organic intimacy company Yes Yes Yes.

So, at the very least, get yourself some anal-specific lube, or get yourself the ingredients to mix of a batch of my favorite butt stuff in the world:

Miss Scarlett's Face Cream

There’s a story behind this cream. It was developed by a friend, Jack, who was the boy of Miss Scarlett for a while. She nicknamed him “Face,” because he was so pretty. Thus, a legend of anal lube was born.

1 cup water

1 Tablespoon J-Lube powder

2 cups Crisco

1 oz. water-based lube

Bring water to a boil. In a mixing bowl (I prefer glass), pour water over the J-lube powder and begin whipping with electric mixer, gradually increasing speed for 3-5 minutes (until the consistency of egg whites).

Then add Crisco (You want it to still be warm enough that it softens the Crisco, but not so hot it melts the Crisco) and continue beating until you reach a smooth consistency, about 5 minutes.

Mix in water-based lube. Voila! You can then season with the following “seasoning” ideas:

a splash of Ambesol (good for beginners)—You don’t really want a lot of this. To numb your back areas means that you won’t feel pain, which could be signaling you that something is going wrong. Be very careful with this option.

a dollop of Icy-Hot or Tiger Balm (advanced)

a pinch of peppermint extract (advanced)

cinnamon oil (advanced)

This recipe will last for several weeks, especially if stored in the refrigerator. A little goes a long way.

It is greasy, so it’s not really the kind of lube you will want in your mouth. Get all of your oral pleasuring done before you lube up with Face Cream.

Oh and if you'd like a laugh, here's the story about my "Anal Lube" Amazon purchase.

Amazon has this nice real-time order tracking notification system. Well, I forgot about that feature.

A few weeks after receiving lube, I hear a notification on my child's tablet. I discover that Amazon order alerts are being sent to her tablet - fuck!

I try to casually ask if she's been seeing alerts. She says she saw something weird...I'm so horrified that we just don't discuss it, if she asks I'll be open but other than that - convo aborted...

Let's see, would that be the lace masks, crop, or ANAL Lube? LOL!

—Anonymous

Other Lubes

And now, for the OTHER lubes.

Coconut Oil

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant — Pros & Cons, On Medium

Coconut oil is 100 percent natural, good for your skin, food-grade (so you’re not putting weird chemicals in your bum) and is easily washed out of cotton and linen sheets.

You can get food-grade coconut oil just about anywhere these days.

You can also find whipped coconut oil for body moisturizing in many health food stores, and it feels quite lovely.

You can also make little “treats” for your anal Bottom. Press coconut oil into little candy molds (hearts, circles, etc.) and freeze.

Pop them up the butt in play, and let the cold oil melt inside before entry.

You may find yourself leaking a bit after a day of playing with coconut oil, and that’s nothing to be worried about.

For those who may have issues with constipation or soreness, it can actually ease the pathway the next day.

A drawback of coconut oil is that it is not very “sticky,” meaning that your anus (or your partner’s anus) can “squeegee” it off toys or fingers or dicks, or whatever you’re using relatively easily, drying the slide (which you DON’T want).

So, keep an eye (a feel) on the coconut oil lube, and add more often, more often than you think is necessary.

Swiss Navy, Silicone

Stays silky smooth and lasts. Does not stain as much as some other brands. Also has no discernible taste.

Swiss Navy Silicone is hypoallergenic, non-absorbable, and latex-compatible. Don’t use with any toys that are silicone, jelly, or cyberskin, unless you put a condom over them, to protect them.

(I nearly always recommend using a condom with toys, if not to prevent them from melting or to protect yourself, then to make clean up that much easier!)

Boy BUtter Personal Lube

Boy Butter lasts a long time and has sensually creamy feel. Is not safe with most condoms. Non-staining, washes with plain water.

Bad Dragon Cum Lube

This creamy, white-colored lube closely resembles real semen. The clear version looks and acts similar to pre-cum or vaginal fluids. It’s designed to specifically look and act like real semen, so it is not as thick as some other lubes mentioned.

Cum Lube is not going to last as long as some other lubes, but if you’re going for slickness and a cum-like experience, this lube can’t be beat.

It may stain sheets.

Kinksters Say:

Uberlube. “For me both taking and giving, I love silicone lube. If you don't need to worry about silicone toys it the best, just the fucking best. I've been using Uberlube lately cause I like the bottles but it's kinda too pricey. I'm not sure what my cheaper option would be.” — DrTentacle, 44M, Switch

Good Clean Love. “For use with silicone toys, I like Good Clean Love which is reasonably priced and available at Target even if it's a bit vanilla flavored.” — DrTentacle, 44M, Switch

Shibari Personal Lubricant - Water Based. “Is pretty damn good and it's safe to use with silicon toys.”— MS_TAU, 41F, Dom

The Butters. It feels heavenly plus you can use it on your hair and your skin. — MS_TAU, 41F, Dom

Sliquid Silk. “Great for pegging.” —MintyMix, “It's a water based and silicone hybrid. Not enough silicone in it to damage toys, just enough to keep things slippery.” — CallMeCara, 34F, Domme

Hiny Helper Anal Calm Balm. “My favorite. A little bit goes a long way. Plus, there's no wait time.” —Inner_Slut_Mama

Pure Romance Whipped Belgian Waffle. “Smells great and works amazing for anal play.” — VioletLyte/34/Female/Leatherwoman

Fuckwater. “It cleans up well and stays lubricated a long time.” — Ratherthepain 32F, Primal Prey

Wicked Sensual Care Anal Jelle. “Stays slick, yet not sticky, for a long time. I like their whole line, actually.” —4IslandSprite, Female, Sensualist

MISTER B Fist Extreme. “Not too sticky but doesn't dry out. Silicone based. I prefer the pump action bottle for non fisting play and the tub for fisting play (nice to be able to scoop with one hand!)” —mutable_, 34M, Switch

“Gun Oil is my go to. If someone needs extra help, then Boy Butter. It's amazing, but it has a smell, is messy, and and taste, but it can make difficult moments go super smooth.” — NYC_Josh, 37 M, Master

Pink. “I like Pink (makes skin feel soft) or Gun Oil (must be water-based for either if you're using a condom or toy, but it can wear off quicker than the silicone, so be sure to add more as needed). — Tadie, 31, Dominant Woman

Hemorrhoid/Piles Cream

Anal play is as much about after care as any other facet of BDSM. Once you’ve finish your scene, applying some high-quality hemorrhoid cream to the anus (inside and out) can aid recovery.

Butt Plugs

Anal training goes easiest (in my experience) with a good set of butt plugs in various sizes.

If you or your partner is new to anal play and training, I recommend starting with a butt plug with a small circumference (about the width of a large finger or thumb at its widest point).

Wearing a plug for a few hours/all day can really relax the muscles, even if it is not very large, or you have already done some finger play.

Once that size feels comfortable, you could buy larger or you can buy a butt plug kit with a few graduated sizes, and start off with everything you need.

SquarePeg

SquarePeg makes their toys out of silicone, which is not only 100 percent safe but can also be boiled, put through the dishwasher, or bleached to sterilize.

My Pet and I really like their Egg Plugs in SuperSoft Bronze. They are comfortable enough to wear all day and come in a wide range of sizes. Perfect for training and prepping for an easy-glide back-end experience.

Anal Trainer Kit From Real Vibes

This Anal Trainer Kit From Real Vibes includes four plugs in graduated sizes:

Small: 4 x 1 inches (10.2 x 2.5 centimeters)

Medium: 4.5 x 1.12 inches (11.4 x 2.9 centimeters)

Large: 5 x 1.25 inches (12.7 x 3.2 centimeters)

XLarge: 6.25 x 1.5 inches (15.9 x 3.8 centimeters)

I love this kit not only for its reasonable sizes (great for beginners!), but also for the 100 percent medical-grade silicone, nice smooth shapes and suction-cup flared bases.

It is an inexpensive kit, easy to clean and includes four sizes. Win-win-win!

Hush

This remote-controlled (by your phone) butt plug comes in two sizes:

Small: 3.8 x 1.5 inches (10 x 3.8 centimeters)

Medium: 3.8 x 1.75 inches (10 x 4.5 centimeters)

It’s waterproof, the exterior is made of 100 percent silicone and works like a charm! The vibrations have different levels, from low to high, and on high are extremely powerful.

It’s fun for a night out OR in, and offers hundreds of pleasure possibilities.

“Bluetooth-enabled for local or long distance play. You can connect it to Spotify (because you haven't lived until your butt has buzzed to Hall and Oates). You can also make it reactive to ambient sound. Really I think the only thing it won't do is my taxes.” —just_bird

Kinksters Say:

“Babes 'n' Horny do some beautiful ones, (dildos too). Not cheap but fantastic quality.” — VelvetClaw, 46F, Domme

njoy Pure Plug 2.0. “I have had so many partners over the years who are raving fans of their favorite size of this plug.” —BondageNexus

Marc Dorcel Geisha. “It has a hard inner ball inside that shifts the weight around. It was one of my first plugs and is on the smaller side. Certainly makes car rides more interesting if your driver is fond of every pothole in town!” —just_bird

Tantus Neo.“The Neo is great for beginners (and a good all around modest-sized plug).” —WeAreAllSluts

Playspace Protection

For many, a towel does the trick. Or puppy pads.

Puppy pads are not my favorite, because of the throw-away waste and plastic, but many people love them for their ease of use.

My favorite is a fitted mattress protector, with the sides cut off to make a throw. Or a crib protector (a bit smaller).

Dildos

Dildo size and firmness preferences are going to vary wildly from person to person.

If you have the time and money, start small and smooth, and work your way to larger and more elaborate as you get experience.

So get a really good, solid, small-to-average-size dick and work with that.

Also, if you and your partner are starting this venture together, consider shopping together. It can be a fun, sexy outing to go visit the nearest sex toy store and look at all the goodies.

Keep in mind that if you’re the giver, it’s not just a dick you’re picking out. It’s YOUR dick. So pick one you can relate to.

The receiver, of course, should have a say in size as they are the one taking it, but YOU have to be comfortable with your new extension.

Now, there is NO RULE saying you can have only one dick. You may have a dozen. But whether you have one or a hundred, you will want to feel good about your dick. Perhaps you want it to match your particular style, in color or decor or shape.

Money is often a limitation to getting the exact right product.

You may choose to go with a lower quality to start, and cover it with a condom, so you don’t have to fret over the contents of the toy, to check to see if you actually like all this butt play and the shape/size.

Realistic vs. Non-realistic

Some people prefer the realistic dicks, matching skin tone, body frame, weight, or overall size.

Others (like me) gravitate towards non-realistic dildos: bright colors, fantastical shapes, extreme sizes, even glitter or confetti.

The options and features can be as varied as the color and size choices.

No matter how realistic or not (dragon dick, anyone?), in my mind they are always mine. I paid for them, fuck with them and take care of them!

Harness vs. Harnessless

Again, it all boils down to preference and experience. Some will claim that harnessless dildos for anal play are the spawn of the devil himself, while others seem to enjoy them quite nicely.

It’s been my experience that most harnessless options work fine for girl-girl fun (DIV sex), but not as well for anal penetration.

The reason is that most anal sphincters are much stronger than most vaginal muscles. In other words, the anal muscles will grip the anal end much more tightly than the vagina will grip the vaginal end.

YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary).

That said, I’ve recently experienced and reviewed a new-to-me harnessless toy, the InJoyUs, and I’m cautiously optimistic about my results. I’ll include my review here and I’ll be updating the review with feedback from other body types and genders on the Dating Kinky blog: http://datingkinky.com/personal/a-strapless-dildo-option-that-works-finally/

Harnessless Options

Feeldoe: Multiple Sizes

Although this is a harnessless dildo as designed, few women can keep them in place easily during anal.

Most who enjoy the Feeldoe successfully do so combining it with a harness to hold it in place.

If you have a harness that might work with the Feeldoe and you also have a vagina then you may want to try one out, although I’ve heard of a few people putting the bulb in their anus and fucking that way, which makes it fun for all the people!

The silicone the Feeldoe is made out of is a bit harder than most strap-on dildos.

This is to give it some rigidity, I am sure, but my Bottom finds that it can be a bit uncomfortable.

Because of the way the Feeldoe fits, they can end up being not quite long enough for some couples.

A full-figured woman with thick thighs and ass may end up with only 4 inches (10cm) or a bit more left to work with, once it’s inserted.

Then, when trying to penetrate it tends to push back a bit more anyway, so it’s less than ideal for some.

Share: Multiple Sizes

Reports are that the Share has a better angle of entry (on the female side) than the Feeldoe (which had no bulbus female end and is just a straight line). However, you will likely still have to wear a harness with the Share to keep it from possibly slipping out.

InJoyUS: Multiple Sizes

I have long desired a truly strapless experience for play with dildos and I’ve tried a few options. Unfortunately, all were disappointing.

They were too hard and pokey (I guess that’s why they thought they needed to maintain the “shape”), they were oddly shaped or the ‘inner bits’ were just…not shaped right.

Some were good enough for use on women but failed miserably when engaged with the much stronger muscles of the anus, which is my primary interest.

I kept up hope, but I admit that my optimism was fading.

Then, while I was researching this book, someone mentioned the InJoyUs. I went to check it out, of course, even though I was deeply skeptical. After all, I’d read glowing reviews of all the others I’ve tried and NONE of them really worked like anyone said.

I was thinking, “Maybe I’m the weirdo, here,” not for the first time.

But the InJoyUs LOOKED different right off the bat. Something about it seemed better-thought-out. A small flame of hope sprung up, and I sent an email.

“Something, something, blah, blah, blah. InJoyUs was recommended, and I’d love to review it for inclusion in my book, if it works. More yadda yadda…”

And so, not long after, I got my review box.

Now, John at New Love Creations had already mentioned that he’d gotten a bit of flack for his packaging, and when I opened it up, I could see why. It’s certainly not what I would expect for a product of the price and caliber I was expecting and could use an update for sure.

However, I wasn’t going to be sticking packaging in my or my partner’s butt, so it was easy to open up and look at the product itself.

Because I’d talked some with John about how he’d designed, tested and engineered this thing, I was prepared for it to feel solid. And it does. I was almost concerned with HOW solid it felt, like the weight might be detrimental.

It was not at all. More on that in a bit.

I got the InJoyUs in my package, along with the Lily and Lela dildos. Two very different sizes/shapes.

All are made from pure platinum-grade silicone, which is pretty much a must for me these days. It’s body-safe, odorless, hypoallergenic, and super easy to clean. Just pop those babies in the top rack of the dishwasher or clean with bleach.

The InJoyUs has a stabilizer inside (it’s not visible, nor can it be felt) of a super-strong metal, to maintain shape and erection angle, which I really like.

But NONE of that mattered if it didn’t feel good and stay in.

And it took a couple of days for me to make the scene happen, and I was champing at the bit to try it out.

A set of detailed instructions came with the toys, which I looked over and promptly ignored.

LOL!

Seriously, though, while I believe the instructions are needed, and they are well-done, I figured I had this.

After all, one of the reasons I want a strapless solution is to make this sort of play more spontaneous and less fussy. If I can’t just pop it in and go, then it won’t really add value to my life.

So, I chose to wing it, and wing it I did.

Well, I did realize that Step 1 was critical after popping the internal portion and feeling an urgent need to pee.

So, that taken care of (and lesson learned), it was back to play.

Without going into graphic details, the results were overwhelmingly positive for butt play with my male partner.

InJoyUs was easy to insert.

It felt both solid and secure in place.

We played with the Lily to start, and it has a nice extra clitoral stimulation pad.

Both my g-spot and clitoris were happily stimulated.

It stayed in and felt good—I orgasmed more than a few times.

Definitely overwhelmingly positive.

There were a few hiccups:

It takes some time, I think, to get used to the angle and use. This was our first time, and we tried cowgirl, missionary (plus variations) and lotus positions. Pretty basic, and successful, although learning the angle of thrust was a thing. Fun to learn, though!

When I orgasm hard, I’ve been know to push out a VERY enthusiastic dick. The same is true of the InJoyUs. However, I was totally OK with this as it stayed in for the rest of the time, and frankly, I often bet against strong, determined men staying in there when I clamp down and push during the throes. As a friend said this morning, “They just need to say it has an ejection feature when the mission is accomplished!” LOL!

The angle, to me, seemed like it ‘used up’ a bit of the length of the toy. The Lily is measured at 7 inches insertable. My partner and I both agreed that another inch would have been perfect. Now, that could be because I’m a “thicc” girl, and it did have to get out past my thighs, but not all users are gonna be teeny-tiny. (The next person to try this out is gonna be a much smaller woman, so we’ll have additional feedback when that happens.)

All in all, I am feeling the first flushes of infatuation with this system, and expect that if things continue I’ll be in love.

I look forward to using the Lela as well, and would LOVE to see more options of shapes and sizes in dildos from New Love Creations so that I can continue using the InJoyUs for all dildo fuckery in the future.

Harness Options

Tantus Curve (17CM X 4CM)

The Tantus Curve93 is a solid, medium-sized dildo made of silicone. The curve is reported to hit the prostate quite nicely.

It comes in three colors: black, deep purple and a medium purple.

VixSkin: Multiple Sizes

Realistic feeling, skin-like material of 100 percent platinum silicone. Feels like skin on the outside, has a solid inner core for functional use.

VixSkin dildos are by far the most realistic feeling dildo I’ve ever experienced, and I can’t say enough wonderful things about it.

If you warm it on a heating pad or in a bowl of hot water, it feels SO REAL it’s crazy. It also warms to body temperature very quickly.

It’s firm enough to enter when he’s tight, but it does require a BIT of attention as it can slip out easier as it flexes quite a bit.

It’s not “soft” but it is not stiff rigid either, very realistic for a larger penis. The outer layer is squishy soft and so so comfy on the skin (and the anal walls). It’s yummy.

Vixen silicones by this company are odor-free, do not sting and can be used with silicone lube or Crisco/oil-based lubes (something that some silicone dildos can’t be used with).

Lifetime warranty.

Bad Dragon: Multiple Sizes

Colorful and creative fantasy dicks.

Bad Dragon has created a line of high-quality dildo sculptures, guessing at what different mythological creature dicks might look like.

Varied dragons, werewolves, dickatrices, drakes, sharks and more are represented in colors ranging from a deep fiery red to variegated blues, purples and silver.

Most of their dildos come in multiple sizes, so you can choose your own comfort level, and you can either buy a pre-made dick in an available color, or you can choose the color you want and have it custom created for you.

Vibrators

As most know, a vibrator is like any other toy on crack, LOL!

Take the intensity of a good dildo or butt plug, add some vibration, and you have even more of a good thing.

There are so many different varieties out there, that it will come down to personal preference, but here are a few ideas to get you started with vibe play for your butt.

Tip: Take your batteries out

Get in the habit of taking your batteries out of the vibrator each time you’re finished using it.

Batteries left in your vibrator for extended periods can corrode and leak into the battery case, destroying your vibrator.

Also, leaving the batteries in your vibe increases the chance that it may turn on (with a jostle from you, a child or a pet) to a very low speed and either drain the batteries or give you some very interesting explaining to do.

Hitachi Magic Wand

The word “Hitachi” mentioned around those in the know will light up faces, elicit huge grins and often bring up amazing stories of orgasm and joy.

The Hitachi is not a traditional vibrator in the sense that it is insertable, and also requires plugging in, which can limit the convenience, yet for those of us who love the Hitachi, we are willing to sacrifice.

The original Hitachi Magic Wand has two speeds: high and low. Consider getting a speed controller for speeds from a soft hum to screaming-and-tearing-the-sheets-in-ecstacy.

The Hitachi also has many different accessories, from insertable dildos and prostate massagers to external uses for clitoral stimulations and dick massagers.

Hitachi Tip:

As a clitoris-having G-type, one of my favorite things is to lay the head of the Hitachi against my lover’s anus, then ride it with my clit.

This can be done with or without an insertion attachment, as even just the vibration against the will cause a lot of pleasure for the Bottom.

Aneros Vice

The Aneros line of prostate massagers has come highly recommended by so many people, that it’s a wonder they aren’t more widespread.

The Vice is the first vibrating version of their popular line, and is made of 100 percent silicone with a removable vibrator for easy cleaning.

Echo Silicone Vibrating Dildo, 6.75 X 1-3/8 INCHES (17CM X 3.5CM)

Made of 100 percent premium silicone for easy cleaning, the Echo107 dildo has a realistic size with spiral details to add extra pleasure and massage.

It has a flared base, so can be used easily with a harness.

Harnesses

Harnesses are, of course, made for hands-free plundering of the booty with a dildo.

There are many types of harnesses, and personal preference will always play a huge part, along with body type, personal style, and physical abilities.

Panty-like harnesses give the least control overall and are most susceptible to changes in the wearer’s size. If you lose weight after getting a panty-based system, the panty harness won’t work as well because the panty has to fit snugly without any wiggle to give you real control over your toy and movement.

However, on the plus side, they slip on easily and don’t take as much time to get settled. Better for spontaneity.

A strap-based system generally has quite a bit of room for adjustment and is the gold standard for most givers, but does take some fiddling to get on and off.

Having a good harness of both types is ideal for most scenarios. Heck, have five or six!

Tip: Washing Harnesses

Use a lingerie bag to keep the straps from catching in the agitator (if you have one) and to keep materials from getting pulled.

Doc Jonson Vac-U-Lock Platinum Supreme Harness

The Platinum Supreme Harness is a Vac-U-Lock harness and is also O-ring compatible. It is adjustable up to a 60 inch (152 centimeters) waist. It has an open crotch and rear, making it suitable for men who want to wear the harness instead of using their own equipment, and also good for women who want some genital loving without removing their strap-on.

Made of smooth neoprene and is easy to clean in the washing machine.

The Divine Diva Plus-Sized Strap On

The Divine Diva harness fits waist sizes from 25 - 82 inches and up to 44 inch legs (waist sizes from 63.5 - 208 cm and up to 111.75 cm legs). It’s designed to be comfortable, functional and adjustable, and includes three interchangeable O-rings to accommodate dildos (1.5 inches, 1.75 inches and 2 inches inside diameters).

Velvet Nest

Sweet and sexy, Velvet Nest harnesses are made of colorful cottons, machine washable, comes in several adjustable sizes, and will fit different toys with a flat base easily. The cutest I’ve found, ever. Squee!

Spareparts Harnesses

Spare Parts harnesses, especially the Joque, are raved about everywhere as comfortable, adjustable, washable and durable—everything you could want in a harness.

The new Deuce can be worn by any gender and the larger size accommodates up to 65 inch (165 centimeters) hips.

rodeoH

rodeoH offers panty-style harnesses, very comfortable from good quality cotton knits. Some feminine styles, many focused towards more masculine looks, like boxers and briefs. The Duo underwear harness they offer is made specifically for use with InJoyUs, Feeldoes, Shares, etc. for insertable fun.

InHerTube

InHerTube offers various types of harnesses made of easy-to clean rubber. In addition to the tradition harness, they offer a double-penetration harness, hand harness, chest/thigh harness, wrist cuff harness, and a shoe/boot harness.

Jaguar Harness Purple Leo Combo

(Simple starter kit with included toy.)

The positioning of the base of the dildo in the Jaguar Harness sits right on the hood of the clit so the pressure from stimulation goes to the right spot.

Now, to hit the clit, the dildo does sit low, so it may be a different kind of workout than you are used to, but once you get accustomed to it, it feels natural.

Because the Jaguar Harness is leather, it requires IMMEDIATE clean up after play, waiting until the next day can damage the material.

Lifetime warranty.

Toys (Beyond Butt Plugs & Dildos)

Anal Beads

Anal beads are for inserting into the anus, one at a time, as many as you can handle, then pulling them out slowly for amazing sensations.

Anal beads should be smooth in texture, so they do not tear the lining of the rectum. Sometimes anal beads and other sex toys have a rough seam around each bead. It’s important to file these rough edges with an emery board before use, or cover them with a condom (or both).

Make sure that the cord is strong and that the beads are connected securely. Cheap anal beads can cause a lot of unexpected trouble.

Anal beads are often connected with a nylon cord or string. I’d be very careful of these, as there is no way to clean them easily, so they are really one-person toys, unless you cover them with a condom during use.

If you choose not to use a condom, consider buying silicone beads rather than plastic, which are porous and more likely to trap bacteria.

Anal Hooks

Anal hooks are a new adventure to most. They are fantastic for predicament bondage and can be included quite easily in rope\shibari riggings. Even something as simple as tying to a collar or long hair will make your subject squirm with each movement.

I personally like to use one inside my partner with a rope I can hold as they go down on me. Sort of a happy incentive!

Anal hooks come with two loop “ends.” One type is flat with the hook (edge against the body), the other is perpendicular to the hook (flat against the body). There are pros and cons to both and each has its fans.

Tips for Toys

Layering Toys

There’s no shame in layering toys. Try the We-Vibe. The vibrations travel through the dildo, which is also fun.

Ass Play During Other Play

I’ve already mentioned using an anal hook to encourage certain behavior, but consider the many options: butt plugged while vaginally or anally inserting into another, anal beads pulled out during oral, some sphincter tickling during a massage…the possibilities are endless.

When Choosing A Flared-Base Dildo for Harness Use

Using a dildo with a base that has more suction or “give” to it results in more mobility and intensity of sensation. A dildo with a hard base can result in a bruised pelvic bone.

Ouch!

Pay Attention To Cleaning Instructions

Different toys need different cleaning methods. I prefer high-quality silicone that can be put in the dishwasher, but not all toys are so durable.

Also, wrapping a toy in a condom helps speed cleanup.

Is Spit Enough Lubrication? 

No. 

Actually, for some, sure. People may consent to all sorts of things that are bad ideas, in my book. 

But, no. 

Spit is not slick enough, sticky enough or lube-y enough to keep you safe during anal. 

Is Using An Enema Recommended?

Well, that depends. 

What Is An Enema?

An enema is fluid injected into the lower bowel by way of the rectum to clean it of any debris and fecal matter.

If you have a healthy digestive system (many people don’t—they don’t get enough fiber) your insides will be pretty clean, anyway.

In that case, a simple shower, with a bit of finger cleansing is enough for most people. Good overall hygiene matters. 

In the case of enema cleaning for anal play, it’s most often plain water, salt water, water with a bit of vinegar, or soapy water, followed by plain water to rinse.

You fill yourself up with room-temperature or warmed fluid, and expel it. Repeat. Stop when the expelled water appears clear.

If you do enema, you don’t necessarily do it right before or during the sex act. Enemas dry you out, which can make you more prone to rips and tears, without perfect lubrication (which we all aim for, even if we don’t always succeed).

Plus, it can be a bit of a buzzkill to stop in the middle of play for clean-up, if you are not both into sharing such intimacies.

Rather, for absolute best results, if you do wish to enema, do it a few hours before you expect/hope to have anal sex, such as before a date. If you’re a reasonably healthy person, you should be good to go for about eight hours after.

Bulb Syringe Enemas

The most basic type. Like a douche for your anus. You can buy pre-filled disposable enema bottles (usually filled with a mild salt water solution), or you can buy an inexpensive bulb syringe at most drug stores.

Very good for beginners, because the maximum dose is restricted, but it also does not hold much, so there can be stops and starts to fill up, if you’re not just doing a “quick rinse.”

Enema Bag/Hot Water Bottle Enemas

Most enema bags will hold about 2 quarts (1.9 liters), or the lower end of what the majority of people can take inside themselves without any strain.

That makes bags a very good investment for beginners as well, especially at only about twice the cost of bulb syringe enemas.

Shower Attachment Enemas

Slightly more pricey (usually $35-$50), shower attachment enema kits are so convenient to attach to a shower head and just drip the water in.

That said, it is for the more experienced, because too much water too fast up your colon can be painful at best, and harmful at worst.

Once you get the hang of it, though, you can adjust the temperature perfectly, and let it just dribble in.

General Tips For A Safe Enema

Most people can safely take 1 to 3 quarts (.95 to 2.8 liters) of water into their colon.

The only way to safely experience a complete colon cleanse is to add the water very slowly, one half to one cup per 30 to 90 seconds (about .125 - .25 liters).

By using this method, you won’t need to insert an excessively long colon tube into the colon. Also, you can avoid undue pain and cramping and irritation to the colon.

If a hint of cramping occurs, immediately stop the flow and relax. Take a big breath and slowly let it out.

When there is no more cramping, or when 30 to 60 seconds have passed, resume filling your colon with small amounts of enema solution until you have taken in 2 to 4 quarts (1.9 to 3.75 liters), or until you can no longer tolerate the fullness of your colon.

What Should I Look For In An Anal Toy?

See: 

Is it safe to bring toys to the back door?

And

Can you really lose stuff up your butt?

What Do I Need To Know About Fingering Asses?

Always start with your finger on the outside of the body.

Tease the anus.

Use lots of lube, and rather than “poking,” slide the pad of your finger across the anus over and over, in circles or back and forth (I call this “knocking at the door”). 

Once you’ve done this for a while, the anus will begin to suck at your finger a bit, inviting you in.￼

This is when it’s time to penetrate. But, before you do that...

Ask and have them say they are ready

ASK!

Ask, “Are you ready? Would you like me inside you?” or something similar.

When your receiver says “yes” (and only when they say, “yes”), slide your very well-lubed finger inside.

Once you’ve slid in, pause, and give your receiver time to relax around you.

Then slowly move your finger around and slowly pull back and then slowly push back into your receiver’s asshole. Continue to do this going faster and deeper each time, making sure to keep up the communication.

Talk to your receiver, and ask them if they like it. Make your receiver tell you what they like.

Ask your receiver if they are ready for another finger. If you like, and they like, make them beg for it (It’s fun!)

Then go to two fingers. Then three fingers, if your receiver can take it. They might not be able to on their first time, AND THAT’S OK. 

New things take time to get good at. 

When Should I Use Buttplugs And Why?

Ah, buttplugs! 

When I was in grade school, “buttplug” was a total burn (insult), although I’m not sure that any of us really knew why (no Google then—I’m showing my age), except that it had the word ‘butt’ in it. 

Now, knowing all the pleasure these little dandies can bring, well, I’m not sure we weren’t complimenting each other all along!

LOL! 

There are two primary reasons to use a plug: 

To feel full. 

To train your sphincter. 

In fact, these two different purposes lead to very different shapes of plugs.￼

Plugs designed to make you feel full have a thicker main body, especially in comparison to the ‘neck’ leading to the flared base (so it doesn’t “fall in” to your butt!). Once they are in, your sphincter will constrict around the narrower area, to both hold the plug in and relax from the strain of accommodating the full width. 

NOTE: If you are a beginner, I suggest you start with a ludicrously small-looking buttplug. Our eyes are almost always bigger than our assholes, and it’s easier to work up than to fit in something that your body is not yet ready for. 

Training plugs, however, will have a wider ‘neck’ area (will still have a flared base, of course), to keep your sphincter dilated, training it to relax and get used to being more open than a sphincter would ever be, except when evacuating the bowels. 

Often, plugs for training will come in a kit, with gradated neck widths, to work yourself up to the larger size bit-by-bit. 

Feeling Full

For those who love the feeling of being penetrated, butt plugs can offer a variety of options. 

They can be inserted, and worn under clothing for brief periods (even in public), with more experienced users wearing them for hours, even. 

For vagina-havers, slipping a buttplug in can give the sensation of double penetration when the vagina is also filled with a flesh dick or dildo. Add in clitoral stimulation for a trifecta of pleasure. 

Anyone can potentially enjoy the pleasure of having a plug inserted during oral sex for added stimulus. 

Many also like to feel filled during solo play. 

Training

Using a training plug to prepare for anal play, to relax the sphincter, is a good way to ease into play.

By wearing a training plug during any relaxing or sexual/affectionate play before the main anal event, you are getting your sphincter used to being held a bit wider than usual, making way for a less stressful entry. 

A Third Reason

Prostate stimulation.￼

Some plugs are shaped specifically to stimulate the prostate from both inside (usually with a swervy shape and a bump meant to rub against the p-spot) and the outside, with a “finger” designed to work on the taint, on the outside of the prostate. 

For p-spot havers, these plugs are reported to be quite pleasurable and come in a variety of sizes, materials, shapes, colors, vibration or non, and even with little “loops” on the outside bits to make it easier to rock and move the toy inside for even more possibilities. 

How To Choose The Right Dildo? 

Simple: Start small. 

And I highly recommend quality silicone for your first material, for all the reasons I mentioned in Is it Safe to Bring Toys to the Back Door?

Smooth and barely curved will be ideal. You could choose one that resembles a dick or go smoother. Too much texture or very pronounced ridges or a big head could be more challenging than you need to start with. 

Of course, if you are playing with another, it may not be their first time, so be guided by them when their butthole is the one in question. They likely have a good feel for what size they can take, or that really gives them pleasure.￼

How Do I Learn To Use A Dildo For Butt Stuff? 

Experiment! 

Seriously. Try it out. 

If it’s on yourself, try it at different angles, with different lubes, at different speeds, etc. 

If it’s on someone else, be guided by them as you try it at different angles, with different lubes, at different speeds, etc. 

Don’t be afraid. 

Also, don’t stop communicating with your partner. 

Sure, it can seem pretty unsexy to say, “Slow down for a moment,” or “Could you push forward just a bit, to see if I can take you deeper,” or even, “How does it feel when I do this?” 

Butt, you know what? (Had to do it, sorry, sorry!)

Once you get this right, you will have plenty of time to do raunchy, sexy, rough butt fuckery in the future. It’s worth the extra time right now. 

And if you’re using a dildo in a harness…

And it’s not anything like the parts you were issued at birth, it’s not just in and out. It’s a thrust with the hips. 

Just take a look at some good porn (not the consent or the butt stuff without obvious lube — see Well, They Do It In Porn, Don't They?, or the ‘doing it on the expensive furniture without a protector throw), and watch how their hips drive the fucking, rather than just sliding in and out. 

And if you are doing it right for very long, you’ll get uncomfortable and sore, and you’ll probably feel it the next day. 

That’s OK. 

It takes time to learn everything. And maybe your partner is willing to massage your glutes as thanks for such an amazing experience! 

*grins* 

Are "Real" Dicks Better For Anal?

It’s all a matter of perspective. 

Since I don’t have a real dick that came installed, I might be biased. However, I’ve had a bit of experience. 

Toys come in damn near every shape and size possible. So, for me, dildos are a hands-down win for training. 

For the actual event? It’s a toss up. 

I mean, I LOVE my partners’ flesh wands. They are yummy and familiar and theirs, and it connects us. 

I also love the shape of some of my specialty dicks, or the smoothness or the smallness (sometimes, that’s a thing). 

And for some, real dicks will never match what they like to put up their butt. In which case, fists can come into play, or giant dildos, or traffic cones (not a recommendation!), or whatever.￼

What Is Prostate Milking?

Prostate milking is prostate massage to orgasm without other stimulation. 

It was originally done for medical reasons because by massaging the prostate you essentially flush stagnant and toxic seminal fluids from the prostate gland. 

This reduces chances of prostate cancer, which is a good thing. 

It’s also a pleasurable thing for many. 

Prostate milking removes the orgasm from the traditional friction-and-ejaculate orgasm most  prostate-havers are used to, and can be a good way to introduce multiple orgasms, if you/your partner have/has not yet experienced them. 

While prostate milking and prostate massage are often used as interchangeable terms, some differentiate the two. 

In that case, prostate massage is done for pleasure, while prostate milking is done with as little pleasure as possible, to simply stimulate release for health reasons. 

How is it done? 

Well, a finger is a good way to start. However, sometimes fingers aren’t long enough, or can barely reach the right spot. 

Toys are also good, and there are many toys made specifically for prostate stimulation, such as the plug illustrated in When should I use buttplugs and why? Of course, that’s just one shape, and there are many. Some warm up, some vibrate. Some twirl. Some do all of those things, including sparkle, light up and move to music. 

Basics are good to start with. 

With A Finger...

Remember to go over all of the information I’ve covered so far about lubes, preparing, preparing your space and safety.

You may want to start with some play to relax yourself (or your partner). Have some nice music on, be comfortable, and have your clean-up products ready as needed. 

There are two ways to reach your butthole if you're playing alone:

From the front, reaching down. 

From the back, reaching up. 

Check both positions. One might feel more natural or comfortable for you. Try laying on your back, laying on your side or even standing up. It’s all about what works for you!

Take your time getting fully inserted. The external sphincter is the one under conscious control and will let you in easily. Don’t force your way past the internal sphincter. Relax and play a bit if you’d like, until that opens up to you. 

Now, if you’re playing with your front bits (or your partner’s front bits, or your partner’s playing with their front bits…), that’s all well and good to get you started. 

After all, the P-Spot will swell and be much easier to find when you are aroused. 

You’ll find it toward the front of the body (towards the belly). Usually, it’s about the size of a walnut and you’ll/they’ll know it when you find it. The sensation will be a clear signal. 

When you’re ready to really explore the P-spot, stop other stimulation and focus on what you can make yourself feel through anal play. 

When it comes to P-spot stimulation, it’s all about playing until you find what you like. 

Here are a few ideas:

Press your finger on top of the P-spot and pull it down in a “come here” motion

Try a firm and direct pressure like pressing the doorbell button and releasing

Move your finger left to right like windshield vipers

Experiment by adding the second finger in there.

Angle your butt differently to change the way the p-spot is exposed

Stay relaxed. 

Do MORE of what feels good and less of what doesn't: 

Pay attention to your body reacting 

If you have a penis, it may or may not get hard 

You may feel like you need to pee

If you have a penis, you may or may not begin leaking pre-cum 

You may start noticing sudden PC muscle contractions 

You may feel waves of sexual energy building up around your genitals

You may feel your legs and cheeks tingling

You may feel a little high

You may want to really focus on your breathing and sensation through your whole body 

Moaning or squirming is natural and can actually heighten the sensations. Don’t be afraid to let go and really enjoy yourself 

As the intensity increases, you may feel like a pressure is building. You’re creating energy that wants to go somewhere. This is your potential prostate orgasm. 

When the orgasm approaches, your abdominal muscles might start shaking. The muscles in your genital region may intensively flex and relax by themselves. Waves of energy may flow up and down through your body. 

It could last for 30-60 seconds or more. And with a prostate orgasm, you can go again and again and again. 

This is the easiest way for those born with penises to achieve multiple orgasms. 

When you’re done, just relax and experience as the pleasure recedes. Keep breathing and feel your body calming down.

Didn’t work? 

Well, as I mentioned before, it’s entirely possible your finger didn’t reach the prostate. 

Or, you’re/they’re just not yet ready to orgasm through prostate stimulation alone. You may want to bring genitals into the mix at this point and try that. 

They’re not relaxed enough (totally understandable). Prostate orgasms usually happen when you’re relaxed, which is different from most ejaculatory orgasms through penile stimulation. 

Not everyone gets it the first time, and that’s OK. 

As long as you (both) had fun, that’s what matters. There’s always another time to try. 

Spearfishing For Poop Sharks: Anal Penetration

OK. So it comes down to the big game. 

Fucking the butt. Plowing the raisin field. Driving the Hershey Highway. Spearfishing for poop sharks. 

So, aside from what you’ve already learned, what do you need to know about buttfucking? 

Well, let’s continue on and see.￼

What If It Just Won't Go In?

Ouch!

Sometimes that happens.

Even to experienced players.

Sometimes our sphincters have different plans than we do, and they are not taking any of our shit.

Or…well, that sounds odd.

Whatever.

Sometimes, our butts just won’t loosen up.

That’s OK.

Go back to the last step that felt comfortable and play there. If you (and your partner, if you’re playing with one) want, you can try again a bit later.

Or not.

But I don’t suggest forcing it.

If you DO want to maybe put in a bit of effort, there is one trick that works well about half of the time to get that initial insertion.

The bottom should push out.

Like trying to poop.

Push out and bear down.

Sometimes that’s all it takes to get the head or the width in. And sometimes that’s also all that’s needed to calm your ass down and relax it for good times.

It will not always work, and if it hurts, stop. Do something else. No need to rush this. I promise.

You could also try changing position. Some positions are easier than others, and we’ll discuss the variations in the next chapter.

What Position Is Best For Anal? 

Everyone is going to have their likes and dislikes here.

However, there are more than two positions (missionary and doggy) with anal, so don’t hesitate to read up and branch out a bit.

On Top

I’ve found many people are quite afraid of doing anal on top. It can seem a bit scary, to impale yourself onto a toy or cock.

In my experience, it’s actually easier for many receivers, and gives them more control over how far and fast things go.

The exact “on top” position depends on the shape of the penis or toy. If it curves up, toward the giver’s belly, the receiver facing their partner will have the opportunity to have the p-spot or g-spot and genitalia stimulated by the curve.

Not to mention the hot eye contact and access to other goodie bits for breast, chest, clitoral, or penile stimulation.

If it curves downward, face away for the physical stimulation, and to offer the giver a most excellent posterior view.

In any case, or if there is no curve, just go with what’s most comfortable.

Many prefer to try this position on a couch or comfortable chair instead of a bed. It puts you closer together, making it feel more safe and intimate.

Your partner is able to see everything that you do, and both of your hands are free to explore each other, so no sensation should go unnoticed.

On Top Variations

Tantra-Like

Giver:

Sits cross-legged. Leans back for the receiver to straddle, face-to-face.

Benefits:

More intimacy, plus greater stimulation of penis or clitoris between your bodies.

On A Chair/Stool

Receiver:

On top (facing any direction) on a chair or stool with no arms.

Benefits:

Having your feet on the ground gives both the giver and the receiver extra control and leverage for more bounce.

The Crossbreed

Receiver:

On top, facing away. Lean forward onto your forearms, and rest one leg between the giver’s legs.

Benefits:

More access to the butt for the giver, and easier reach around from a prone position.￼

Doggy

Doggy style is the default for many people when it comes to anal.

On the one hand, this position can be the most painful for the receiver as they can have the least amount of control and thrusting can seem uncomfortably deep, but the pubic bone slapping at that angle can really stimulate strong orgasms.

Benefits:

Doggy is HOT. It’s a hair-grabbing, ass-smacking good time.

LOL!

For those with g-spots, this position puts the vaginal and anal passageways into closer proximity.

For everyone, this is also a position where the giver can often find the most leverage for rough fucking.

Caveat:

Receivers, you’ll really want to trust your partner with this position. Especially if they like to play rough.

Doggy Variations

Pillows

Doggy position over a pile of pillows, to angle the pelvis just right, and to reduce strain on hands and knees.

Standing Doggy

Receiver:

Lean over the bed, a table, a chair, a counter, something you can grab onto. Play with different heights for different feelings of penetration. Also try with legs spread further apart, and rising on your toes (sounds like a workout, doesn’t it?).

Benefits: 

Allows for differently angled thrusts and control over how the penetration feels. 

Lazy Doggy

Receiver:

Laying down on their stomach.

Giver:

Straddles one leg. The other is out, a bit bent. Giver can thrust and massage.

Missionary

Maybe I’m hopelessly boring, but I love missionary position. For me, it’s incredibly intimate, allowing kissing, eye contact, legs wrapped around torsos, scratching...Ah, me!

Regular missionary can be a bit difficult to achieve for most couples, as a lot of the length of the toy/cock can be taken up in just getting past extraneous body bits.

It helps if the Receiver raises their legs and bends them, or puts them over the Giver’s shoulders, wrapped around the G-type’s waist, or bent and resting on the R-type’s chest for closest contact.

Missionary Variations

Lotus

Receiver:

Spread legs, bring the knees up. Experiment with pelvis tilt, possibly with a pillow under the buttocks.

Benefits:

Allows for a close connection, and the angle can be adjusted for just the right position.

Parting The Bamboo

Receiver:

One leg down, the other over the giver’s shoulder.

Benefits:

The giver gets to look at your whole body while inside you and you get to feel a more intense sensation without being totally overwhelmed by their dick.

Pinned!

Giver:

Straddles one leg and pins the other (bent, shin to skin) against their own chest.

Hercules

Receiver:

On a countertop or table. Lay back.

Giver:

Lifts the ass onto the dick. Could also use pillows for the table, so you don’t tire out your arms.

Spooning

Giver:

Lies down behind receiver, who’s in a naturally side-sleeping position, slightly curled, and bends their body to match.

Benefits:

This position is great because you’ll both be pretty relaxed (which is key to your enjoyment of anal) and the giver will be able to reach around to other important parts like your breasts/chest and clit/dick.

A side by side ‘spooned’ position is a great way to start, especially if the receiver bends and stretches their upper legs away from their body, as this automatically begins to open the external sphincter a little.

Reclining Reverse Cowgirl/Cowboy

Flip the side spoon on it’s er, back too. In this double decker position you can start off in your spoon and then move your bodies towards the ceiling.

You’ll still have the closeness that you want from classic spooning sex but something a little different. Plus the receiver gets a bit more control from being on top you’ve just got to hope the giver doesn’t mind getting a bit squished.

The Chair

Giver:

Sits back, draws knees almost to chest.

Receiver:

Sits on toy/cock, like the back of the thighs are a chair.

Tips For Height Differences

Oh yes. This can be an issue, especially if your heights are very different.

If you’re going to do doggy, try a myriad of surfaces (bed, couches, armchairs) in your house until you find one that aligns your heights comfortably.

Height can be adjusted by the giver or receiver wearing heels, using a step-stool (a VERY stable one!), standing, kneeling, using the stairs, or by the receiver spreading their legs in a standing position and bending over to lower their hips.

Even partners of varied heights can do Missionary, with a pillow under the Receiver’s hips and their legs over the giver’s shoulders, or the R-type on top.

Depending on the height of your bed, the receiver can lay on their back at the end of the bed with their ass hanging off while the giver holds their legs up while standing and penetrating.

Spooning works well for different-sized bodies. Both because the Receiver is relaxed in the abdominal region and because they can work themselves back onto the toy/cock, which allows them to go at their own pace.

What If It Hurts—A LOT? 

So, it didn’t go well this time. You got insertion, but it hurt and you had to stop.

That’s OK. We all have off days.

Usually when this happens it’s just related to not taking enough time the first few times. And that time may be foreplay and training, building up for days or weeks.

Remember: Go slow. Gradually stretch. Use LOTS of lube.

If you are the receiver, it may help you to relax if you also stimulate your genitals. The pleasure there can actually relax your muscles.

So, why is there pain? The main reason it hurts during anal sex is FEAR!

Truth be told, most people have no problem pooping out larger logs than many cocks. Because that feels natural and they’re relaxed.

When a receiver is afraid (even way down deep inside), their internal sphincter will tighten up and any penetration will cause pain.

Blame will not help. They are not afraid of the giver. Their non-logical animal brain is screaming and there ain’t nothing can be done about that except be patient. Be supportive. Do aftercare and try again another time when your receiver is ready again.

Also, consider taking Learn To Love Anal, whether you are playing together or solo. It's ALL ABOUT creating pleasure without pain in anal play. 

AFTER THE LOVING: AFTERCARE

Anal play, especially when you’re training or new, can be overwhelming, exhausting and intimate.

Even when it doesn’t feel like it, a receiver can be easily drained of mental, emotional and/or physical energy.

Therefore, after the intensity of the interaction, both the giver and receiver may want emotional support, comfort, reassurance, affection and more.

Aftercare may be as simple as feeding your giver or receiver, and it may be a more complex series of interactions from cuddling to going over the scene, looking back.

Or, it may be more.￼

What Should I Be Prepared For, Cleanup-Wise? 

Cleanup. 

It’s a thing.

And knowing and planning for it can make it so much easier. 

So, when anything is pulled out of the anus, especially after some…let’s use the word ‘enthusiastic’ play, some detritus might come with it. 

Because, really, whatever might be in there is probably opening things up and loosening things that you normally might have under complete control. 

This is natural. 

So, here’s what I recommend: 

1. If you’ve not already planned for a protector for whatever surface you’re playing on, and you can, do so. 

I like mattress protectors. 

They are designed to protect mattresses from all sorts of things, are machine-washable and easy to find at discount stores. 

Just buy a fitted protector, then cut off the sides and use it as a throw for sexy times. They also work wonders for squirting! 

*smiles* 

2. Have wipes on hand. 

I keep two types of wipes near my play spaces: Unscented Baby Wipes and clean washcloths. 

I buy packs of 20+ cheap washcloths at a time in colors totally unlike the ones I use in my bathroom, and keep them in a small basket next to my bed. 

3. Use a wipe to “catch” the toy (or penis) as it comes out.

With lube and potential mess, it’s nice to pull out and directly into a wrapper that can be easily set aside or transported to the shower to be cleaned. 

4. Use a wipe to clean up the butt. 

You might be a little “loose” back there. Possibly for a bit. Some people lock shut with an audible sounds as soon as they are vacated. Others, well, they stay open (begging?) for a bit. 

Either way, it might feel a bit more comfortable to be able to “wipe” up any butt drool and extra lube. 

5. You may leak. 

I’ll let my friend Jazalyn explain.

So, I had a few people review my first book on anal (In Through The Out Door), and one of my friends (Jazalyn) had this to say:

Your book is funny...and easy to read...it's like asking someone you trust awkward stuff and you're making it comfortable and not embarrassing.

Which is, pretty much, exactly what I'm going for.

So, later, out of the blue, she writes to me again.

Daddy...he loves the...mmm..serious Dom aspects of anal...particularly because I don't have a lot of experience and I blush and get all flustered if he even mentions it.

But, after me talking so much to you...and me asking him to take things a little more slowly, and lots of lube...I'm really starting to enjoy it.

Which made me very happy. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear when people are exploring their sexuality and finding new ways to experience pleasure.

After all, the anus has a LOT of nerve endings (in both men and women), and can offer some really fantastic experiences, if it's treated right. So, to know that I've helped someone enjoy it...well, that's the cat's meow.

But then she tells me that she's discovered a horrible side effect of anal sex that I need to warn people about. And she HAS to explain exactly what she's experienced.

So, yesterday, before we checked out of the hotel, we had a particularly intense play session that ended in some extreme anal action...you know...the kind where he comes and you swear it shot all the way up into your spleen or something?

I reply, "Uh huh," because, of course, I do know that feeling. It's crazy awesome. She continues.

Well...he pulls out and there's the horribly embarrassing farting sounds resulting from WAY too much air being forced in...and I hid...and he chuckled and it's just funny.

Well, this happens. In the butt, in the vag...hell, in the mouth, given a good, hard throat fucking...but I digress.

So I go get cleaned up...and we check out...and I spent the rest of the day...kinda gassy (I know...tmi...but it's why the story is hysterical)...BUT...we can NOT fart because...it would be a...(ready??)

A pause for dramatic effect.

.

.

.

.

.

DisASSter

Oh Lordy!

She has a point, though. And it’s worth discussing. And it's NOT just cum. It's any liquid-y thing you put up your bum.

Lube, for example, can dribble out of you after. Cum can. Melted ice cubes can...

Bottom line: Your ass is not meant to hold things in. Things can get messy after, without a good expelling/cleaning. It is what it is.

And it's worth it.

You've been warned.

Are There Any Long-Term Effects?

Maybe. 

If you are careful and take good care of your body, long-term effects are more likely to be positive or pleasurable versus negative.

There is, for example, a very small risk of leakage and prolapse over the course of a lifetime. 

Exacerbate Hemorrhoids

While anal sex may irritate hemorrhoids further, or even make them worse, it’s not been know to cause them, and in some cases, the training for anal (and eating the right diet) can actually help heal/reduce them.￼

Hemorrhoids, also known as piles, are swollen veins in the lowest part of your rectum and anus. Sometimes the walls of these blood vessels stretch so thin that the veins bulge and get irritated, especially when you defecate. They can cause itching, slight bleeding (hemorrhoids are the most common cause of rectal bleeding), and sometimes pain.

Reduce The Risk

LUBRICANT. 

LOTS of lubricant. Hemorrhoids are irritated by friction during anal. Lube reduces that friction.￼

Continence Concerns

Rough penetrative anal sex may result in the anal sphincters being weakened, which can cause incontinence.

Reduce The Risk

So, take precaution, go slow (use lube!) and allow your sphincters to relax naturally, to avoid traumatizing and tearing the muscles.

Kegels will also help strengthen your sphincters and overall pelvic floor, and can help prevent or even (in some cases) remedy fecal incontinence.

Anal Sex And STIs, HIV and AIDs

Before I get into details, let me state clearly:

Safe sex is not just for flesh-and-blood cocks and tongues.

It’s for fingers, toys, and anything else that comes into contact with the rectum, anus, and any other part of the genitalia.

Reduce The Risk

Do not use a toy on multiple people without cleaning first or changing condoms.

Know your status, get tested, and increase your awareness of STIs and how to talk to lovers and play partners about them.

If you’re monogamous with your partner, you may not need to put a condom on every toy every time, but it’s still a good idea to do a deep clean of toys regularly. And make sure you do a thorough soap and water wash before you use toys, and preferably after, too, to keep your materials in good shape.

Make sure you get good silicone cocks that can be easily boiled, or put through the dishwasher.

You might want to get harnesses that clean more easily, like rubber, or machine washable materials like spandex and cotton and nylon.

Of course, use condoms on your body parts when playing with people you are not fluid bonded with.

Fluid Bonded: Couples who choose to stop practicing safer sex with each other are sometimes said to be fluid bonded, because they share bodily fluids with each other.

Check for nicks and cuts on your hands and arms before doing anal play, not just to avoid STIs but also more basic types of infections.

A sharp stinging sensation when lightly rubbing alcohol on the skin is a clear indication of ‘non visible’ abrasions which can increase the risk of STI/HIV transmission.

Better yet, always use a finger cot or surgical gloves of your choice.

Micro-Tears & Infection

As I’ve already explained, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate and the lining is super-thin. This can lead to a greater risk of friction-related tears in the anus and rectum, where bacteria might enter the blood stream.

That’s bad, y’all. 

Poop has lots of bacteria that you don’t want going into your blood. That’s, in fact, why it’s being sent out of the body—or at least one reason. 

This can lead to many types of infections, including anal abscesses. 

Reduce The Risk

To minimize these risks, a person should take some precautions to prevent the skin from tearing:

Use A LOT of lubricant to minimize friction-related tears (I’ve told you this before!)

Change condoms if moving from anal to vaginal sex to avoid introducing different bacterial forms to each

Move slowly until the lubrication is comfortable and the receiver is feeling confident

Slow or stop anal sex if a person experiences pain or discomfort

Pregnancy

A common myth is that you can’t get pregnant through anal. 

Which theoretically SHOULD be true. Except when it isn’t. 

Sperm (the tenacious little buggers) can leak out the butt and will swim their way into the vaginal canal, given the right circumstances!

Reduce The Risk 

Use a condom. 

Clean up. 

Lay on your back. (LOL!)

I Did It. Now What? 

Well, did you like it? 

If so, continue! Do more. *smiles* 

If not, you could try it more, or not. 

As I mentioned, the first time—the first few times—I tried anal, I wasn’t really a fan. I did keep trying because I felt like I could get pleasure from it. 

So, I kept learning and trying. With different partners, different toys.

And eventually I grew to like it. 

I still love giving it in various ways more than receiving (I love receiving), but I had to keep trying, and experimenting, and seeing what things worked and what didn’t for me and for the others I’ve played with. 

AAR: After Action Report

The AAR is an important part of any experimentation with your partner. 

Spend time a day or two after talking with your partner about what you loved, what you didn’t love and what might have gone better. 

And elicit that information from your partner as well. 

Because thinking it through and talking it through makes a huge difference. 

You might find out that something you loved, they loved as well. Or simply asking might get you a new perspective on how things went. Or ideas that you both love for next time.

If you went solo in your adventure, it’s still important to think through your experience and how it felt, and what you might want to try again, avoid and change up. 

Verbal Reinforcement￼

Also, after it all, make a connection with your partner. 

Verbally reinforce your bond. That you enjoyed experiencing with them (and that it was consensual), even if (or especially if) the scene did not go as well as hoped. 

And, Finally

Whew! We’ve reached the end.

Well, not exactly the end.

You see, if you haven’t already joined the online version of this book, you should! You’ll get notified of the most recent updates and changes—and about any errors we may need to correct. Not only can you access the book there at any time, but you’ll also get to ask questions, comment, and mingle with others who are reading up on and learning about anal in our discussions—available for each chapter.

I mean, who doesn’t want to get their questions answered?

Just follow the link below and enter coupon code bboa_access for 100% off the cost of the book, and online access.

The Big Book of Ass, Online

Butt, other than that, we’ve reached the end.

*sad face*

I love anal, and I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to share my love and knowledge of anal with you.

I hope that you enjoyed reading, and possibly thinking a bit differently about how to bring anal play into your life and relationships.

Most of all, of course, I wish you all of the best in your exploration of anal sex.

So, as I try to figure out how to say goodbye to you, even though I don’t know YOU, personally, really, you matter to me, because you read my book. And I relate to you, because I, like you, want to always be getting better at connecting with splendiferous, amazing, sexy kinky people (sometimes through their butts!).

And, so I’ll invite you to connect with me.

There are lots of ways. I try to make it easy. Here are a few:

Email: nookie@datingkinky.com

Dating Kinky: I’m NookieNotes there. https://datingkinky.com

On DK’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/datingkinky/

On Facebook through Whips Chains & Duct Tape, the BEST educational kinky/BDSM page on FB (I’m an administrator there): https://www.facebook.com/WCDTBDSM/

On Facebook through BDSM United, educational kinky/BDSM discussion group on FB (I’m an administrator there): https://www.facebook.com/groups/BDSMunited/

On FetLife: https://fetlife.com/NookieNotes

In FetLife’s Dating Kinky Group: https://fetlife.com/groups/153026

On YouTube: https://http://youtube.com/c/DatingKinky

On Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/datingkinky

On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/askaboutkink

On Tumblr: http://datingkinkysite.tumblr.com/

On Twitter: http://twitter.com/DatingKinky

If you have questions, reach out. Comments or ideas, reach out. Just want to say hello or tell me how amazing this book is, please do reach out.

And, of course, if you’re kinky or kink-curious and you’re looking to date, meet kinky friends and connect, please do register at Dating Kinky. We’d love to have you.

Thank you for joining me for this book,￼

Remember: Nothing is off limits between consenting adults!

Shoutouts! 

Super-huge grateful thanks to all of those who have helped make this book better than it would have been: 

DrTentacle

MS_TAU

CallMeCara

Inner_Slut_Mama

VioletLyte

Ratherthepain

4IslandSprite

mutable_

NYC_Josh

Tadie

castaway 98

D20domme

Selene73

GP

Kinknl709

BoundAshLeigh

Kinknl709

Anonymous (LOL, Always!)

Desertnbloom

CaptainCoconut

Learn To Love Anal

Hello Reader,

You've just finished reading The Big Book of Ass. Hopefully this material has helped to convert those that were "anal play curious" to "anal play eager", and also the "anal play eager" to "bent over and ready". 

If you are in fact interested in continuing this adventure through the backdoor with deeper exploration (and penetration), please check out my training manual, Learn to Love Anal (LTLA).￼

These lessons provide a more interactive approach, and they are available as both a document (PDF and online) and a MP3 (voice by yours truly!) and contain guidance and instruction on the following topics:

Finger Pleasuring to the Inner Gate

Finger Pleasuring to the Prostate

Finger Pleasuring to the Rectum

Full Finger, Faster, Harder

Multiple Fingers

Introduction to Anal Vibrations

Vibrator, Full Penetration

Butt Plug Insertion and Wearing

Dildos and Dicks, Insertions and Pegging

BONUS LESSON: Prostate Massage & Milking

BONUS LESSON: Add to Your Pleasure with Dirty Talk, Toys, and More!

BONUS LESSON: Strengthen Your Fuck Muscles

Annnnnd, because you’re already a reader of The Big Book of Ass, I’ll offer you a discount on Learn To Love Anal, to make sure you get started right. 

Just enter promo code: bboa_010120

And visit this link:

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To get a $30 discount (twice the cover price of this book!) off the full Learn To Love Anal online class. 

Because I really want you to achieve anal success! I would love to hear your stories about how you started as an ass newb today and in just a few months, you’re enjoying ass play like a pro! Or at least, you’re having many analgasms and no pain as you slowly and carefully expand your anal repertoire.

I’m good with whatever, as long as you’re having pleasure and fun! 

*smiles* 

Thank you again for joining me, and best of luck in your anal play.

P.S. This is a really really good deal—$30 off! I hope you’ll take advantage. And if you do, and you reach out and let me know that you found out about the class from BBoA, I might just throw in another special gift. Just because I love making contact with my readers! Just follow the link below!

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