I’ve heard this in so many variations over the years. In sad tones, in frustrated ones, in anguish.
Indeed, it’s incredibly hurtful when the people we want to spend time with/eat with/snuggle with/whatever with don’t want to do all that with us, or with us as often.
Thing is, the hurt people usually feel asking this question is often turned into resentment and anger, towards the person not spending the time, like they are intentionally withholding themselves when the original asker has A RIGHT to their time.
And don’t tell me you’ve not made this mistake before.
Thinking you have the right to someone’s time and energy and love and snuggles and whatever, because…why?
Sure, if you have both agreed to a date/time, you are generally ok expecting that someone will fulfill that. However, are you entitled to it?
And I’m not, either.
And I make this mistake a lot. At least in my head, where sometimes I can catch it before it flies from my fleeting thoughts to actual entitled behavior—and sometimes I can’t.
Sure, I fall into the trap of saying, “Why don’t they want to spend more time with me,” or “They never seem to make me a priority…”
Of course. It’s human.
And I see it in everyone I know. Some more than others, of course.
However, I realize that it’s up to me to put in the effort that will inspire the people I want to spend time with to want to spend time with me…
…realize that we are not a match, and let us both move on.
It really is that simple.
Which, does not equate with easy.
But it’s simple:
The people who want to spend time with me will, or they’ll make it clear that they want to, even when life gets in the way.
The people who don’t, won’t.
And that’s OK.
It’s their right.
And if I get to spend time with people I love and enjoy, I am thankful for that time. Grateful. Happy. And appreciative.
Because I know they want to spend that time with me.
And I feel the same way about a text reaching out. Or a call. Or a message. And when I reach out, I expect people to know I’m doing so because they are on my mind, and I care, even when I’m crazy busy and failing at balancing life.
And at some point, we’ll find a way to spend some more time.