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It’s brave the 1,732nd time, too.

Someone set and maintained a boundary. It’s breaking her heart. It’s be hardest boundary she’s ever set. Maybe the first REAL contrary boundary she’s set in over a decade of marriage. It’s incredibly brave. And if you are contemplating something like this, finally setting your boundaries and making the tough decisions, you’re brave, too. And […]

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Can you be interesting on demand?

In the getting-to-know-you stages of connecting with someone, I often say: “Tell me something fascinating about yourself.” 9 out of 10 times, people are at a loss. We’re just not socialized to talk about ourselves that way. Especially not in written text on a screen, put down for posterity as THE THING I THINK IS […]

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The ONLY one, or one of many?

That’s often the issue that comes up when discussing monogamy or nonmonogamy. “I want to be the one they choose.” And to me, it’s where people put the emphasis. Monogamous people focus on the word “one.” They want to be the ONLY person who ticks off those checkboxes for their partner. And that’s fair. I’m […]

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I will not fight you for it.

I will not battle for our relationship.I will not struggle for what I need.I will not duel for your attention.I will not skirmish for loving touch.I will not perform combat (mental or physical) for your time.I will not combat you to “make things work.” Because in all of these scenarios, I have already lost. If […]

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What is a Mentor? (And do I need one?)

Here’s a simple definition of a mentor: Mentorship is a relationship in which a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps to guide a less experienced or less knowledgeable person. The mentor may be older or younger than the person being mentored, but he or she must have a certain area of expertise. — Wikipedia […]

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YOU’RE WRONG! Very, very wrong.

About something. So am I. We are ALL wrong about something, most of us about very many things, both big and small. And that’s Ok. Humans are imperfect. We can grow and change and get better. We can also get worse. (Prefer to listen to the podcast? https://datingkinky.com/pod/you-are-wrong ) One of the biggest mistakes people […]

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The old ways of BDSMK…

I just had a conversation with a friend. He said: Why do newer people in kink think older ways in BDSM are all bad? I said: Because of shitty folk like [redacted to protect the shitty person].And some of it is a bunch of bullshit, to be fair. He said: I agree some of it […]

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Have you tried ASKING?

There is this fantasy that many of us have, that we will meet a lover who simply knows what to do and when, as if we are merely two halves of the same brain in separate bodies. Wordless communication, intuition, consideration… all are rolled up into this package and combine to make the waking dream […]

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