Strengthening Your Personal Intuition About Others

"Intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect." Steve Jobs

So, as many of you know, I went to Thailand in January to a sexual hypnosis and slave training seminar. Which was AMAZING!

The first seminar was really a personal power seminar. I’ve been calling it “Master Yourself Before You Master Others,” or “How Not To Install Your Neuroses In Your Slave.”

LOL!

Some of the work we did involved strengthening our intuition, and choosing people from a crowd to interact with, that have the qualities we are looking for. It was incredibly powerful for the participants who had not done anything like that before, or even imagined it could be done.

And since I’ve returned, conversations keep returning to topics such as knowing who to trust, how to pick the right partner in the lifestyle, and more.

And I’ve been telling myself that I need to write and record that session for the lifestyle.

So I did. And I’m giving it to you. In audio and written format.

The reason I’m giving you this in both formats is so you can either listen to me, or have someone record it for you in their voice (your dominant, a good friend), or so you can edit it to suit you and your subjects (if you have experience in hypnosis) before recording. You could also record it for yourself, if you prefer that.

Before the links, a bit about hypnosis…

What is hypnosis?

Hypnosis or trance is simply a state of focus. It’s a headspace that allows communication with your subconscious more effectively than when you are running around doing a million things.

How will it feel?

It’s different to everyone. If you’ve experienced guided meditation, it will likely feel a bit like that to you. You may feel incredibly relaxed, and more in touch with your body. You may feel a bit bored.

Just like a flogging, different people will experience it differently. And that’s OK.

Just understand it’s able to work for you, no matter how you experience it.

Can you make me do things I don’t want to?

Simply put, no. However, because I’m interacting with your subconscious directly, I can potentially make you do anything you want to subconsciously want to do, even if you don’t consciously want to and might regret it in a conscious state.

This is another reason I give you the written version. So you know my script, or can record it yourself, to avoid any potential funny business.

In most hypno sessions, I would include comments about how good hypnosis feels to you, and how every moment you spend in hypnosis increases your desire to be hypnotized, or something…

But I don’t know you, and I don’t have consent for that, so none of that is in here.

Will it work for me?

Good question! Yes, I believe it will. But what I believe doesn’t matter. As mentioned above, you have to want this to work for you, at least subconsciously, and agree to my helping you (or whoever might record this for you).

If you don’t trust me (in this) or the person who hypnotizes you, you won’t accept the suggestions given, and they will do nothing for you.

So, don’t sign a million-dollar business deal after listening to this once, and thinking your intuition is perfect now. Still take precautions, and grow in your strength a bit at a time.

You wouldn’t start working out and lift 500 pounds immediately. This is the same thing.

However, if you do accept the suggestions, and possibly listen multiple times, you will find yourself making better decisions more often, and recognizing bad decisions and situations with people more quickly.

Why are you doing this?

Because I believe in hypnosis, and I feel strongly this is something that the community as a whole could benefit from.

Now, the files.

  • A Bit About Hypnosis: link
  • Intuition Hypnosis Script: link
  • Intuition Hypnosis MP3: link

Can I share this?

YES! Please. Please include all three files (one is the information about hypnosis from up there ^^^, so that people can know what to expect and get the most out of the written file or recording).

If you would also give attribution, that would be great:

By NookieNotes on FetLife and DatingKinky.com

But that’s not necessary. It is in the files.

And, it goes without saying that if you alter the files, they are then your responsibility, whether they still have my name on them or not. Oh, and I make no promises, claims, and these are for entertainment purposes only. I have to say that. Also, this recording is not meant to be super-professional. I recorded it to share with you with minimal editing.

Image: Vincent Brown, CC2.0

Anything Worth Doing Is Worth Totally Fucking Up

Anything Worth Doing

Oh, sure… I’m sure you expected that old saw, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

Duh.

Of course it is.

One of my mottos is:

Win, or fail spectacularly.

I’ve found, though, that few people really consider what it means to fail spectacularly.

So, I’m here to tell you. Because I’m not an expert in lots, but I’m an expert in failing spectacularly.

  • I dropped out of HS in my sophomore year.
  • I married a man who would emotionally abuse me AND become a manipulative addict, stealing much of what I’d saved right out of our shared accounts, even selling my stuff for more money.
  • I started a new business with two partners, committed everything and LOST IT ALL, everything, ended up living out of my car.
  • I am currently failing at meeting every deadline I set for myself in the development of my new project.

And I’m happy.

Because what I’m working on now is worth totally fucking up on, over and over, because when it’s right, it will be freaking fantastic. Amazing. Magical.

But before then, I’m going to lose money (mine and others’), stress out, get more grey hairs, scream out of sheer frustration, feel hopeless and useless, shame myself for not knowing everything I think I should know, make boneheaded fucking moves, gain weight because I’m not taking care of myself, hurt my neck staring at a computer for too long…

But let’s not even talk about me.

Let’s talk about kink.

Last night, in Fayetteville, I gave a BDSM Basics talk. And I talked about The Four Kinds Of Kinksters, and I mentioned the third kind of kinkster:

People who admit they don’t know all the kinky things, and let that paralyze them…

And I met a guy like this a few weeks ago.

Gorgeous.

Sexy AF.

VERY interested in kink.

Wanted to learn to be dominant.

SOOOOO enthusiastic. Always up in my messages.

Until he stumbled once. Then, it was all:

“Oh, maybe I’m not cut out for this. I don’t know. Maybe I’m not meant to be a dominant. I don’t know this stuff.”

And so now, he’s paralyzed. Not because he doesn’t want it. He does.

Because he doesn’t want to totally fuck up.

And I told him the secret, that EVERY SINGLE DOMINANT EVER Has totally fucked up. More than once. Probably more than a thousand times.

(In fact, I could make that about every single human, but this is about kink.)

The difference is that we know that being willing to fuck it all up is part of our commitment. Part of knowing it’s worth doing is knowing we’re going to look like idiots, and feel like fools, and do twatwaffle things along the way to getting better and earning trust and getting blowjobs on command.

The thing is, of course it’s worth doing well. We’d do a hell of a lot more things if we knew we’d do them well.

But what things are worth it to you to fail over and over and over again? To totally fuck up?

Compromise Begets Compromise, And Other Reasons To Reexamine Our Thinking On This Relationship Tool

Compromise behaviors create environments that require more of the same behaviors.

—Weick 1979

Sit with that a minute, and think of compromises you’ve made in relationships. Little things that seemed like nothing at the time, and then locked you into a pattern of agreement and behavior.

Perhaps you even tried to break out of that pattern, only to be told, “But you’ve always LOVED my hair curly! What do you mean you’ve been lying to me all this time?”

Once you left that relationship, you realized you’d compromised yourself right out of who you were to begin with.

Is compromise bad, them? Well, maybe not for you, or how you practice it. Yes, for me and to me, it is, (and I wrote about it in detail, here). Because it’s about finding a midway between two people’s personalities, rather than a place for both to grow and thrive in who they are, exactly as they are.

So, what can we do to celebrate our individuality, instead of compromising it away?

1. Realize that compromise tends towards sexism.

Women/female presenting people are expected by society to listen and compromise more than men.

Could this be playing a part in your relationship, either as one, or with one? Ask yourself or your partner if they feel they compromise more/less than you do. Listen to the answer that comes, no matter how difficult it might be to swallow. Then do something about it.

2. Pay attention to what you feel is right for you AND your partner.

TheFerrett wrote a piece a long time ago that resonated with me about poly people being ‘temporarily monogamous’ for new partners not sure about poly, and how that rarely works out, because it creates an atmosphere of compromise and expectations, while allowing you BOTH to get entangled.

Do what’s right for you, because long term, it will be what’s right for them, either in they will learn to love and accept you, or the relationship will end, freeing you both to be yourself.

(Yes, I’m being simplistic, here. If you’re a malignant narcissist, doing what’s ‘right’ for you might be harmful to others, and that’s not what I mean at all.)

3. Look for ways that you can both honor the other and get what you want.

I would LOVE a partner who is EXACTLY as social as I am, when I’m social and perfectly as antisocial as I am when I’m cocooning. No more, no less. And yet, I haven’t found that.

So, I realize that they may want to stay home, and I may want to go out (or vice versa), and so I do what’s right for me: what I truly want and personally need (at that time) to do. I also honor their choice, and don’t give them guilt about it, because that’s a sucky way to be.

Of course, if one or the other of us is constantly breaking commitments, and it’s causing resentment, that is a problem worth looking at and attempting to find a solution for.

4. Realize that you can’t make agreements FOR someone.

This is a big issue that seems common sense, but is far from, apparently.

A huge fight, and “Do you agree to XYZ, since you obviously can’t ABC?” happens. They balk. You pressure. They resist. You steamroll them. Add guilt, maybe. Shame them. They finally capitulate.

To your eye, that’s a compromise, fair and square. It’s an agreement. To them, it’s something they will likely resist doing, be late for, or do poorly, because they were not heard or understood, nor were they honored.

5. Consider other ways of framing the idea:

Collaboration, cooperation, teamwork, reciprocity, responsiveness, alliance, joint effort…

How might any or all of these words, when used, change how you and your partner tackle a potential issue in your relationship?

Ask: How can we both get what we want/need out of this?


Now, some of you may disagree with me. And that’s your right. However, rather than arguing with me about whether or not I am right to compromise in my relationships (which is none of your business), take a bit of time to think about how you define compromise, and what you might be able to do with it (or do away with it) to better your relationships.

Also, here’s an interesting article about compromise you might find relevant: To Compromise or Not to Compromise

I Love You (When You’re Perfect) -OR- How Fetishization Of The Positive Ruins Our Relationships

Fingers holding a scrap of paper with the handwritten words, "To Me You're Perfect."

It’s an easy trap to fall into, to focus on the good in everyone.

It seems like the right thing to do.

See the good bits, focus on the happy times, let the negative stuff or “bad emotions” slide on by.

I see a lot of this in my friends, and I’ve seen it in myself as well.

It’s a societal thing:

Fetishization of the positive.

By focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative (except when it rears it’s ugly head and barfs in our Cheerios, demanding to be noticed, making us yell and fight and scream, until we can shove it back into it’s dark little cage in the corner and lock it back up, to be ignored…until the next blowup), we are teaching the people around us that they are not loved for who they are.

Continue reading “I Love You (When You’re Perfect) -OR- How Fetishization Of The Positive Ruins Our Relationships”

I Don’t Judge How Another Loves Me

I Don't Judge How Another Loves Me

I am loved. By many.

Not loved or even disliked by many as well, but that doesn’t really matter much to me.

I am blessed. Or lucky. Or valuable enough. Or whatever it takes for me to receive an abundance of love. And whatever it is, I’m glad of it.

There was a time when I was not living in an abundance of love.

And it sucked.

I didn’t know it sucked. Or I didn’t know why it sucked, since I’d always been a bit of a loner, thanks to my ASPD. But I knew something was missing. I just didn’t have the skills to know exactly what that was.

And I did not feel loved, at least by my then-husband, the primary person in my life.

When we finally split up, and people asked me what happened, I said, “He didn’t love me as much as he loved to drink.”

I was wrong.

Not wrong on whether he loved me or not. I don’t really know how much he loved me then—the communication was broken, the addiction and manipulation and theft all got in the way of whatever we had.

I was wrong to judge his love for me.

People who love show and don’t show their love in many different ways. And their love can be blocked or hidden from expression by factors beyond their control, like alcoholism, mental illness, insecurity…

I don’t judge how another loves me. I do judge how I am shown.

It’s not whether you love/like me or not. It’s how you show me that you do.

It’s not whether I love/like you or not. It’s whether you FEEL that from me.

And so, again, it all boils down to communication. Can I transmit my feeling for you, to you? Can I make sure you understand? Can I do it in a way that you feel the maximum effect?

Right now, I feel love from many people in my life. And I’m thankful for that. I hope they, in turn, feel the same from me, in whatever capacity we connect.

Image by Gellinger on Pixabay

Yes, Your Feelings Are Absolutely Valid. Period. Full Stop.

A cute hedgehog saying, "Your feelings are valid, important, and deserve to be taken seriously. You are worthy and you deserve to be happy and healthy."

Your feelings are valid.

So are theirs.

Everyone’s feelings are valid.

Their behavior and actions may be unreasonable, even reprehensible. Their feelings are not. Same with yours.

Your feelings, your sadness, your anger, your frustrations—these are all valid.

Let me say that again:

Your feelings, your sadness, your anger, your frustrations—these are all valid.

Using your feelings to bully or silence others. Using them to justify belittling others. Using them as a weapon against others…

Well, that’s just bullshit.

CC: Emm Roy

How do you trust?

How Do You Trust?

“My favorite definition of trust, which I read in a novel years ago: Trust is the residue of kept agreements.” —Jay Wiseman

This resonates with me, yet I find it lacking. I find trustworthy people inherently trust more. Whose agreements? Mine or theirs?

Because there are people I immediately do not trust. Call it intuition, snap judgment, whatever you want. And keeping an agreement will not really change that. I can’t remember a time I’ve ever changed my mind about trusting someone I who struck me as untrustworthy when I first met them. Continue reading “How do you trust?”

Fuck NO, I Will NOT Compromise!

It's raining and two people are each hold half of an umbrella, while neither stays dry.

It’s a tired old trope:

Good relationships require compromise.

I call bullshit. Not only that, but I also call hard limit.

Do you even KNOW what compromise is?

1. an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.

Ok, that doesn’t sound too bad. But what IS a concession? It’s what happens when you concede. Know what that means?

1. Admit defeat in a contest.

2. surrender or yield (something that one possesses)

Really? You think that’s OK to ask of me? You think it’s OK to create a relationship where contesting each other is the norm, then force your partner to concede?

You know another definition for compromise?

2. the acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.

Ewww. No. Not just no.

FUCK NO! I will not:

  • Enter a relationship of any kind (friendship, lovers, marriage) where we contest against each other.
  • Choose to lower my standards to make a relationship work.
  • Give up the things I love and want in my life for you.
  • Create a relationship where I would ask you to do those things, either.

And I will thank you very much not to ask me to do it, because it’s like you’re saying, “I know your stated (or exhibited) thoughts, feelings and needs on this, but mine are way more important, so you should give up some of yours.”

And somehow, it’s even worse if you are willing to give up your own.

Really? You’ll lower your standards to be with me? Whelp. Don’t that make me feel special?

On the other hand…

Fuck Yeah, I will:

Come to you with my needs and desires, and I will expect you to come to me with yours, and we will help each other get all that we’ve ever wanted, to fulfill our fantasies and experience our dreams, to the best of our abilities (I can’t, at this point in my life put my knees behind my ears… we might need to bring in a stunt double for that that scene).

I’ll even go one or even several steps beyond that.

I’ll share myself and offer even more than I know you want, and show you other things you may have never dreamed of or looked for that add joy and laughter and love and more to your life when you are with me and when we are apart.

And I will fuck compromise. Fuck it right in it’s shitty little concessions.

Covert Contracts Are Ruining Your Relationship(s)!

A business man and business woman playing tug-of-war with a contract.

Do you feel resentment in your relationship(s)?

Do you feel burdened?

I’m not talking about kids and work and having to do laundry (just not the folding, please!!!). I’m talking about feeling burdened by the things you have to do to keep the relationship going.

Do you?

That’s a sure sign that you have entered into a covert contract with your other(s), and that’s never a good thing. Continue reading “Covert Contracts Are Ruining Your Relationship(s)!”

Oh FFS! Quit Yer Whining!

Cheese to go with your whine?

All women have to do is be on a [dating/sex] site, and men will send her messages. It’s so much easier for women, they make all the choices.”

Oh, FFS! This is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard (over and over and over and over).

Men and women, in general, have exactly the same choices, when dating.

Because, you know, male/female pairings require one of each.

Get it?

Let’s look at this another way, from the male POV, and the female. Continue reading “Oh FFS! Quit Yer Whining!”