Let’s Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let’s Wake The Neighbors!)?

Let's Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let's Wake The Neighbors!)?

Sure, sure, I get it.

There are times when you just CAN’T let ‘er rip.

Maybe the kids are asleep, or you folks are staying for the holidays.

Or, maybe those things don’t bother you at all.

They do bother some people, though, as this young lady recounts:

I am loud in bed. It is hardwired, always was.

All my life I have been a bit self conscious about being loud. It is what it is and in the end, who cares what the neighbors say? Right? I have countless hours with my face deep into a pillow. Trust me.

One new lover recently on the first and only encounter got so put off by it that he shrank to nothing. He asked me NOT to make any noises please…and just lay still.

I was blown away. I tried to be a silent statue as he wished but did not work for me. It all ended there. That was a new one for me.

What are your thoughts?

Given the perfect scenario of no one around to hear, no chance of being walked in on or discovered…

  • Would you prefer loud or soft?
  • How loud is too loud?
  • What about talking? Dirty talking?
  • Laughing yay or nay?

And in not-so-perfect circumstances, if you like loud, what are your guidelines for keeping it down and still having a great time?

I look forward to your replies.

Let’s Debate: Feelings Versus Actions In Love

Showing Love

I’ve written before that I Don’t Judge How Another Loves Me, and I believe this. I also say, though, that I do judge how someone makes me feel.

Or how they SHOW me that they love me in ways I can understand.

Someone can love you desperately with their feelings and still suck at loving you the way you need to be loved  with their actions.

I saw a saying like this on FB, and it really hit home for me.

After all, I think we’ve all made the mistake of doing the exact opposite of showing our love, even while we love deeply and fully and (dare I say?) desperately.

However, simply loving someone is not enough.

No matter how deeply.

No matter how desperately.

It’s far more important that they feel loved. At least to them.

And that brings us around to a few phrases that look at both side of this:

  • Treat people like you want to be treated.
  • No, treat people like THEY want to be treated (This is my preference, especially in D/s relationships).
  • It’s the thought that counts.
  • No, actions speak louder than words (How Do I Say…?).

And so on.

What do you think?

How much does the feeling matter, if the actions don’t back it up? Are “good intentions” enough? Is action a good indicator of feelings?

How do you gauge another’s intentions?

Image by pixel2013 on Pixabay

Writing Prompt: Pick A Photo

Nookie Playing Dress Up

My photo:

Nookie Playing Dress Up

This photo represents a deep bond in my relationship with my Pet that we’ve shared from day 1: A sense of adventure and playfulness.

We lived two hours apart when we met (in person), and saw each other every couple of weeks. In between, we shared ideas and images that we loved, discussed them, and sometimes made them our own.

This image was the result of one of those images, as was the resulting scene with lots of leather and my dildo collection…

But it’s not just recreating that is so special to me.

It’s that we work together so well to pull these things off.

He is an amazing cheerleader and enthusiastic (and enamored) photographer. A joyful bottom. A skilled lover.

EVERY time we do this, we have knocked it out of the park, and explored yet another way of expressing our sexuality, while growing in what we know about each other, what we like, and fun new kinks.

Looking over my collection of photos, I can see at least 10 more images that happened this way as well. It’s part of us, and threads through much of what we do and how we love.

The Prompt

Pick a photo you have posted for the public, or link to one. Write about what it means to you, the feelings it evokes, anything.

Feel free to write in the comments or in your own journal and link here (so others can read it), or just think on it or write on it and keep it to yourself, if you prefer.

Write a sentence. Or a paragraph. Or an essay. Or whatever this is to you. Talk it out. Make it yours, if it’s not.

Writing Prompt: Avoid False Friendship At All Costs

Avoid False Friends

“Avoid false friendship at all costs.”

I agree.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

Stop and think about that for a few moments.

The people we surround ourselves with help us sort right from wrong, ethical from unethical, and desirable from undesirable.

So, surrounding ourselves with people who don’t like us (but pretend to) is also exposing ourselves to people who are duplicitous as a matter of course.

We are also exposing ourselves to a normal that may include other thought patterns beyond base deception.

So, yeah, avoid false friends.

But let’s take it a step beyond.

Continue reading “Writing Prompt: Avoid False Friendship At All Costs”

Writing Prompt: Feminism In Today’s World—OR—Why “Feminism” As A Word Is Tainted, In My Opinion

Feminism: Graffiti on a wall in Jamaica shows a woman chasing a man with a club.

A friend sent me this video a few days back:

It’s a good one. Eliza VanCort obviously knows her shit, and as a communication geek, I picked up a few ways of thinking and speaking about communication that I didn’t have before.

Some of the video made me cringe, though.

Continue reading “Writing Prompt: Feminism In Today’s World—OR—Why “Feminism” As A Word Is Tainted, In My Opinion”

Let’s Debate: The Responsibility Of The Dominant

The word everything in script.

WARNING: This is a long one, and I am very specifically taking a side in this one, then offering my reasoning up for debate and picking apart.

I’ve had several conversations in the past week in which the original writing I did on the responsibility of a dominant has been relevant:

The Responsibility Of The Dominant

@thewiz11 commented, and as I was replying, I realized it would be a good debate piece, allowing me to dig deeper into the meat of what this means to me, in my life, and defend my view against any and all comers.

Before I go there, though, let me explain something.

This is how I live my life. This is what the role of dominant means to me. It may not be what dominant means to you, and that’s cool. I’ve written a lot about dominance and submission and how they are sliding scales and how there is no WON TWOO WAY™ that works for everyone. YMMV.

That’s important. smiles I’m offering this up for debate to proof my convictions, and to allow others to take apart my points, if you so choose.

Continue reading “Let’s Debate: The Responsibility Of The Dominant”

Let’s Debate: Bi- And Switch-Phobia

The bisexual flag with the word "BOTH" overlaid.

Content warning: r^pe mentioned.

When I post these debates, I often don’t have an opinion, and I say so.

In this case I do, and I will say so. First, though, I’ll present the idea and the two sides as I see them. I’ll likely do this imperfectly. Just a warning.

Biphobia and switchphobia are not really “fears,” per se, but a pattern of beliefs that makes people less likely to find those who identify as bisexual or as a switch desirable.

There are many reasons/excuses, and some are similar for both bisexuality and switching, while some are different. Continue reading “Let’s Debate: Bi- And Switch-Phobia”

Let’s Debate: Is Cinderella A Good Role Model?

Cinderella: Stop Blaming The Victim

I watched this video a few months back, and it gave a different side to the Cinderella story—one that shows Cinderella as strong, capable, and authentic.

What do you think?

Is Cinderella a good role model for girls because of her persistence in the face of adversity, or is she just a meek, timid woman waiting for the white knight (prince) to rescue her?

Writing Prompt: The Best Revenge Is Not To Be Like That

An old black and white image with the words, "Revenge of the Virgins"

Last week, was “If Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them”, and encourages letting people go if they walk away, and not putting on rose colored glasses.

Today’s prompt is mean to be the counterbalance to that point.

On facebook the other day, someone posted this question:

Would you accept a friend back who has walked away from you in your times of difficulty?

Of all the replies, mine was the only one that said, “Yes.” In fact, I said:

” Yes. Absolutely.

Everyone has a right to make choices for themselves.

And I like them for a reason. If I only liked them for their help and support, then I’m not much of a friend, am I?”

I was not surprised that I was the only one, though.

That question seems like there is only one right answer, and it’s an easy one.

But I don’t think it’s easy or simple. It’s not even as simple as what I wrote. I mean, it’s true. I do believe that I am friends with people for more than what they can do for me. I do believe that people need to make their own choices, and the choices are valid whether I agree with them or not.



And, here is the kicker: There are times I have had to walk away from someone in their times of difficulty. More than once.

  • Because I did not have the strength.
  • Because I did not have the heart.
  • Because I believed helping them through would do more damage in the long-term than their learning to stand on their own.
  • Because I was just tired.

In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius tells himself to “Avoid false friendship at all costs.”

I agree with this. I make it a point in my life.

And I also believe that to truly put this into perspective, I also feel that it’s important to look inward, and ask “When have I been false to my friends?”

He also suggests in Book Six, if you are sparring with someone and they hurt you, don’t yell at them or whine or hold it against them — just make a mental note about it and act accordingly in the future.

This rings true to me. I can still love them for the laughter and joy they bring to my life, knowing I can’t rely on them to bail me out of jail (if it comes to that). Because not all friends are (or can be) bail-out-of-jail or sitting-next-to-me-in-jail-giggling friends, and THAT’S OK!

And finally, in this particular vein, Marcus says this:

“What injures the hive, injures the bee. The best revenge is not to be like that.”

Meaning: When you hurt others, you hurt the group and you hurt yourself.

The Prompt

  • How many times have you turned friends down for help? Have you held similar situations against others, when you were the one in need?
  • When have you been a false friend and still accepted back?
  • When have you had to walk away?
  • How do you choose to “not be like that?”

Feel free to write in the comments or in your own journal and link here (so others can read it), or just think on it or write on it and keep it to yourself, if you prefer.

Write a sentence. Or a paragraph. Or an essay. Or whatever this is to you. Talk it out. Make it yours.


So, the image doesn’t really have anything to do with this blog post, but it came up when I searched for “revenge,” and I was too tickled to resist using it…