Successful Relationships: 3 Critical Questions

This writing is now available as a podcast episode!


Do I like this person?
Am I better for spending time with this person?
Are they better for spending time with me?

Three simple questions, which can mean everything.

Do I like this person?

If the answer is not yes, then there is zero need for a relationship—at least a personal relationship (versus a professional one).

How much you like them might help determine the kind of relationship you shoot for, but that is in many ways a superficial thing, not necessarily related to success.

Am I better for spending time with this person?

Not, “Do I feel good around this person,” but are you a better human?

Do you strive to do and be better? Do you tell more truths? Are you kinder? More efficient? Take better care of yourself? Do you feel better, overall in your life, not just in the moment?

Are they better for spending time with me?

A deep human need is to feel appreciated and valuable. Knowing that the person we like is a better person with us in their lives is a profound satisfaction. It’s a security blanket of the highest order. It creates a feeling of contentment.

And, in power exchange relationships, is a foundation for all that we do, from either side of the slash.

If you are able to answer all three of these questions in the affirmative, then you have what it takes to create a successful relationship.

Will you? Maybe, maybe not. After all, one of my favorite quotes is:

She did observe, with some dismay, that far from conquering all, love lazily sidestepped practical problems. — Jean Stafford

But without these, I cannot imagine your relationship having any chance of being a successful one, and I see them as an excellent measure of how things are going.

What are your thoughts?

Have you asked yourself these questions, or questions like them before? Do your successful relationships meet these criteria?

Let me know!

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