Healthy Boundaries: What Is YOU In A Relationship?

Where do YOU end and where does another begin?

Where does the state line of Healthy Boundaries meet it’s neighboring District of Codependency?

For me, after a marriage of emotional abuse, getting sucked into someone else’s untreated mental illness, I tend to be hyper aware. Like, “I know it when I see it.”

But to set lines of demarcation for others? It’s harder.

I do know there are things in a relationship that each person is responsible for, regardless of dynamics—at least in my view. Of course, my view is also that [a dominant is responsible for EVERYTHING in their relationship dynamic][https://fetlife.com/users/50648/posts/3224217].

(Yes, I know that sounds contradictory. It’s not, in my mind, because my submissive can be responsible for their behavior to me, and I can also be responsible for their behavior within our dynamic.)

Here are a few things, though, that (for me) give a good hint at where the lines could be drawn:

  • Doing things that I think will make them happy and healthy and feeling loved is ME.
  • Ensuring they have a happy life is NOT ME.
  • Their financial success is NOT ME.
  • Their mental health is NOT ME.
  • Being a human of my word is ME.
  • Creating a safe space where they can express themselves is ME (not as therapy but as groundwork for the emotional connection that enables intimacy—I’m not responsible for fixing their problems, but having a healthy relationship means providing a non-judgemental ear to listen or shoulder to cry on).
  • Expressing myself is ME.
  • Leading by example is ME.

And so on.

What is YOU in a relationship?

Do any of my lines feel right to you? Do any feel wrong? How does your dynamic affect what is YOU in a relationship versus what is not, if at all?

In a relationship with healthy boundaries, where do YOU begin and where does your partner end?

I look forward to your thoughts.

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