Relationship Protocol As A PB&J Sammich

I’ve been pretty clear about my position on relationship or D/s protocol, and while I go out of my way to be considerate of others’ preferences, I don’t believe I am entitled (or you are) to ANYONE following personal protocol (or any other kinds of preferences).

For me, it’s simple.

Never put responsibility for your relationship protocols on others.

That is up to those of you in the relationship to maintain.

For example, if you have a relationship policy that you BOTH approve a playmate for your partner, and someone asks your partner to play, it is up to your partner to tell the asker that they will need to also contact you if they want to play with your partner.

Not up to them to know this.

And it’s not a requirement for them to then contact you. They get to make the choice whether they follow-through or not, and whether they want to participate in your relationship protocols.

Even if they want to play.Even if they want to play.

If they continue asking your partner for play without contacting you, it is up to your partner to cut off/refuse further contact, and quite possibly report their poor comprehension of consent and personal boundaries.

You have zero right to force your relationship protocols on others who are not in your relationship.

You also have zero responsibility to continue to engage them if they don’t interact with you both as you wish.

Or, another way to look at it is with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (hereafter referred to as PB&J).

“Hey, can I have a bite of your sandwich?”

“It’s my policy that I don’t share foods with others, but the supplies are in the kitchen, and you’re welcome to make your own.”

They then can decide whether it’s worth their trouble to do so…

“Hmm. No. I just want a bite.”

“A bite is out of the question. I told you what it will take to have a PB&J in your mouth. If that doesn’t work for you, you get no PB&J.”

“Please. just one little bite. I don’t have anything.”

“Now, you’re ignoring my stated preferences on consent. I’d like you to leave. I withdraw my offer of any PB&J.”

Granted, this does not obviously involve a partner’s rules, but it could. It’s just one person stating their protocol and boundaries and sticking with them.

Just like it should be.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *