Dating Kinky
Built by kinksters for kinksters, poly, queer, trans folk, and anyone not-quite-vanilla—and it’s FREE.

This is the last of this particular series… although not the last of my daily writings.

The first two are here:

#1 I Posted An Ad On Craigslist And I Got Compared To An Alcoholic Or Druggie
#2 I Posted An Ad On Craigslist And I Got Derided For Posting My Dress Size

This one is short and sweet, since I’ve had a jam-packed weekend, and there’s really not much to it… except and example showing why many women don’t reply to responses to their Craigslist ads (or personal dating site ads, or FetLife random messages) when they are not interested, and even more, why women don’t say why (which I get asked 4 out of 5 times when I simply reply with, “No, thanks.”

In my ad, this is the last line:

If you think you fit this bill, reach out. Send me a note. Tell me what interested you about my ad, and include a face photo.

So, I get this reply, with a face photo:

I would like to date you  I am in Raleigh

Aside from the grammar, the lack of immediate attraction to the photo, and the brevity in response to a very detailed post, there is no ‘what interested him.’

And frankly, to me, it read as incredibly entitled. I want to date you. I’m in Raleigh. Great! Ignore all of the other criteria I listed, because you being in Raleigh is all I really need to know… Oh, and that you would actually date me, unlike EVERYONE else in the area, right?

My reply was (and I sent this to quite a few men:

Thank you for the offer.

I’m looking for someone who can follow my directions and enjoy it.

Best of luck to you in fulfilling your fantasies!

Two others wrote back, a bit disappointed and trying to change my mind or figure out what they forgot (out of only two things? really?). This guy stepped it up a notch.

next time just dont answer and keep ass hole remarks to youself. If you were special as you think you are you would not be posting on CL

So, I’m an asshole for turning him down, and giving him a reason.

And, on top of that, he has to tell me that I’m not special, because I’m posting an ad on a site he trolls for ads… and um, that he responded to…

Oh! The irony!

One of the most common questions I’m asked is, “Where Do I Find ______ (Fill In The Blank Amazing Kinky Person)?”

This class address that topic and others, including writing a profile, photos, starting a conversation, and more.

Dating Kinky Class Description:

In this class, we’ll cover some of the most important actions and attitudes for finding one or several lifestyle partners, from writing your profile and choosing the best photos to get your point across to making contact, common pitfalls, and some hilarious examples of ‘when personals go wrong!’

We’ll also discuss which online sites offer the best options for connecting with your kinky peeps.

This is a very interactive class, so bring your pencil or pen and some paper to write down those tips from the creator of https://www.datingkinky.com and the co-author of http://datingkinkybook.com


More about my thoughts on kinky dating:

Kinky Dating

 

Well, if any rejection can be great.

Maybe the title should be, “Writing A Rejection That Doesn’t Sting Any More Than It Has To To Get The Point Across In  Four Easy Steps (And Two Are Optional!),” but that’s reallllllly long, so I’mma stick with what I have.

I wrote a bit about rejection in my upcoming book, Dating Kinky.

Because, of course, rejection is a part of dating, and knowing how to both give it and take it more effectively makes dating sooooo much more pleasant.

You have a right to reject anyone for any reason.

Period.

Full stop.

Your life. Your rules.

Read More

Just Thursday, I was contacted by a self-identified male dominant on Collarspace for the first time. His message was short and sweet.

I replied.

His response inspired me, and I knew I had a perfect example of why, when it comes to dating kinky (or any kind of dating, really), I recommend making your profile very YOU, to disqualify those you don’t want to attract.

Read More