Dating Kinky
Built by kinksters for kinksters, poly, queer, trans folk, and anyone not-quite-vanilla—and it’s FREE.

Ummm. Yes, yes you can.

Just like in poly, there is a thing as friendship saturation, when you find yourself without time for everyone in your life. And you’re just not able to maintain self-care and your boundaries along with everyone else’s needs.

Also, there are people that we sometimes call friends who aren’t. Or aren’t anymore, even if they were at one point. And they step on our boundaries.

To suggest that “you can never have too many friends,” is suggesting that even low-value friends are worth the time and effort. I don’t agree.

I’ve said many times that a successful relationship is two people feeling like they get WAY more (like lots and lots more) out of the relationship than they put in.

Friendship is a relationship.

Friendship is giving within healthy boundaries and getting filled back up in return.

THAT is my standard.

So, yeah, you can have too many friends.

Image by rawpixel from Pixabay

At every moment in your life, you can make a choice.

A choice to no longer be someone’s little bitch (unless that’s your kink—in which case, don’t let me yuck your yum).

To set or enforce your boundaries.

To decide that what YOU think of you is more important than what they think of you.

And to then act upon that.

Read More

Whatever you call me will, in part, determine how I react to you.

This is important to me. I have a macro on my computer that I trigger every time someone writes to me and calls me “goddess,” “mistress,” “domina,” or the like.

I don’t like any of those, and certainly not from the mouths of strangers.

It goes like this:

Please don’t call me ____. I don’t own you, so I prefer not to be titled by you. Please call me Nookie, or Miss Nookie if you must use an honorific.
Thank you.

You can imagine how many people get confused by this or take offense.

Not my problem. Address me how I prefer to be addressed or I won’t respond.

Simple.

I had this conversation with a friend of mine on here, where he was asking about the opposite situation, where he might call me by my username (or rather, someone else), and they required him to use some sort of honorific, and how did I feel about that?

I responded that I think I have a right to say what I prefer to be called, and you have a right to decide whether you will call me that.

If someone wants you to call them Goddess, and you don’t want to, well, then, you have a right to ask for alternatives or remove yourself from their company.

You have a right to call me something I do not like and I have a right to leave your presence, not respond, or respond in a negative manner.

It’s obvious, right?

Which is why I suggest that when approaching people, it’s safest to start with their username, or whatever is written on their nametag, then, as soon as possible, ask, “And what would you like me to call you?”

And if they say, “Call me Ishmael,” then that’s the right thing to do.

A friend posted this on Facebook the other day:

I'm judgmental.

I’ve posted before that as humans (or cats, LOL!) not judging is impossible. Especially people and cultures and things we are not familiar with.

And frankly, even as a human who self-describes as an “experience whore,” there are SOOOOOOOO many things I’m not familiar with.

SOOOOOOOO many.

Which is why, every once in a while, I want to remind everyone: don’t believe what you think.

Don’t take it as gospel.

Examine your own thoughts with as much rigor and logic and open-mindedness as you might examine mine. Or “fake news.”

Don’t let the first thing you think be the only thing you think about anything.

It MAY end up being the last thing you think, sure.

But if it’s the ONLY thing you think, you may just miss out on amazing people and experiences and foods and kinks and stuff in your like.