Embrace discomfort, what? Well, let’s look at the things that cause discomfort in most relationships, and in D/s even more so:
- Admitting you’re wrong (now, and by extension every time you’ve been wrong in the past and quite likely ruined friendships/relationships as a result).
- Talking about sexuality and consent.
- Growth (because it usually involves all those things up there and the ones to follow).
- Self-reflection. When you either give your power to another or you take power over another, understanding your inner thoughts and reasons is even more critical.
- Trying new things.
Any relationship, D/s or not, will stagnate over time unless it is consciously worked upon, and new ideas injected. In D/s, so much of our dynamics are based on pushing boundaries, creating new ways to explore our sexuality, and growing as people that discomfort needs to become, if not comfortable, at least not terrifying .
“Nobody ever died of discomfort, yet living in the name of comfort has killed more ideas, more opportunities, more actions, and more growth than everything else combined. Comfort kills!” —T. Harv Eker
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that comfort is bad. It’s not. We need our comfortable spaces, our comfortable thoughts, our comfortable routines.
And frankly. we should feel comfortable on a day to day basis with the people we love.
Comfort allows us to relax, and gives us the opportunity to process our experiences and learn from them, even as we prepare for more discomfort and growth to come.
It’s discomfort, though…
…that provides the spark of love, of curiosity, of excitement.
It’s what brings us together to begin with, exploring each other’s bodies and thoughts. It’s what makes us daydream about what we can do and be together.
In between comfort and discomfort is the trap: expectations.
Expectations are discomfort masquerading as comfort. We imagine we know what is going to or should happen, and that makes us feel better about what’s coming.
The more you embrace discomfort and let go of expectations in your D/s relationship, the more you can experience and share with your partner, creating an ever greater foundation of comfort together.