Dating Kinky
Built by kinksters for kinksters, poly, queer, trans folk, and anyone not-quite-vanilla—and it’s FREE.

This writing is now available as a podcast episode!

A guest post by TheBalloonGuy.

Had a talk with myself today. Told myself “Self, we suck.”

Self replied “Yes? We are aware.”

“Maybe we should try to write something positive today.”

Had a conversation with someone recently. Not someone on Fet, nor in the lifestyle, a Vanilla. Their only real understanding of Kink, and BDSM, comes from popular culture. 50 Shades, portrayals in movies, long-standing stereotypes.

The usual.

“I just don’t understand how someone can be that mean and hit someone, it’s so violent.”

“Isn’t it just a wild sex party?”

“What do you people even do?”

This helped me to become a bit re-aware of the fact that the Vanilla world is still not given a fair perspective on what it’s like to participate in this lifestyle. When people hear “Kink” they typically think of the dank, smoky dungeons full of sweaty people having sex. They think all women who are dominant are always clad in black leather, all Doms are men who are sadistic control freaks, male submissives aren’t real, and the only kinks that exist are rope, blindfolds, bondage, and spanking.

Read More

This writing is now available as a podcast episode!

Let me say first that there is no one right way to do this.

For some, the dynamic is interwoven through their lives, and every fiber of their being. There is no headspace, really. It just is.

For others, the mere act of putting on tight leather pants or being stripped down can help reinforce their role in the dynamic, and ready them for play or more extreme interaction.

My personal headspace just is. I am as happy dominating in my fuzzy pajamas as in 6-inch stilettos and tight clothing.

That said, I don’t have children.

I have my own business with a flexible schedule.

I also write and think about kink nearly all day every day.


Not everyone has these advantages.

Read More

This writing is now available as a podcast episode!

I follow a lot of different kink groups on various sites (since the alt BB days, even Compuserve had BDSM bulletin boards) because I find it fascinating the different perspectives on WIITWD (What It Is The We Do) that are out there.

I follow a lot more than I participate, and when I have participated, I’ve often found that the very people who proclaim to all how accepting WE KINKSTERZ are of others are themselves incredibly intolerant of views that don’t exactly match their own.

And they bellyache and whine constantly about all the young kids playing on THEIR lawn, shaking their virtual fists about them not doing it right, with no respect for their elders, and generally making a mess out of all the traditions they hold so dear.

Read More

What is kinky, anyway?

What questions do you have about kink?

OR what questions have you had about kink in the past when you were a brand-spanking new kinkster?

OR what questions would you want a newbie to kink to ask you or an expert that you trust?

(No need to say which is which, necessarily. grins)

If you have answers to the questions you pose, please share them as well. If you have answers to what other people ask, or opinions, please feel free to answer.

I’m looking to find out what you want to know, and to help you find out what you want to know.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m going to be writing a book about “What is kinky?” and I’ll probably take inspiration from your questions, and possibly use (with permission and attribution) quotes of your answers.