How I Planned My First Orgy

My first. My Pet’s first.

For his birthday. My gift to him. I’d never had an orgy, much less planned one, but I put my organization skills to the task and pulled it off. Here’s how I did it.

The Players:

Me, W (obviously, LOL!) – Organizer
Pet, M – Guest of Honor/Birthday boy, bi

M1 – Black friend/stud, Straight-ish
M2 – Geeky friend with big cock, bi

W1 – Friend, sweet, cute, mostly lesbian
W2 – Friend, hot, sexy, dominant, mostly lesbian, somewhat flexible
W3 – Friend, beautiful, bi
W4 – Friend, beautiful, submissive, bi (the girl I’ve played with and dirty talked through mental orgasms)
W5 – Young lady, sweet, beautiful, bi

6 women, all somewhat flexible.
3 men, two flexible, the other flexible-ish.

That was a VERY good combination, and allowed for many different types of play.

The Set-Up:

I emailed everyone, asking for:

  • Name (or nickname)/how they want to be introduced.
  • What gender do they feel comfortable being approached by, sexually: men/women/both
  • Personal limits
  • Safety preferences
  • STD test results (if they wanted to share)
  • Additional notes

I made sure they all got back to me by 15 days before the event. I collected the info, and forwarded it, to introduce everyone, and give them links to our kinky profiles, so they could get to know each other better.

Continue reading “How I Planned My First Orgy”

PSYCHOLAGNY: Orgasm Without Physical Stimulation

Psycholagny

I’ve been talking about this for 10+ years.

And for all that time, I’ve been challenged by those who believe it’s not possible.

And yet…

There’s a word for this. Because it exists. And it’s more common than you might think.

Musing On Mindgasms (Touch-Free Orgasms)

If you’ve not experienced this (whatever your gender), you may want to try it out. It’s a pretty amazing experience, and can improve your physical sex life as well in so many amazing ways.

Image by engin akyurt from Pixabay

When Men Cock Block Themselves

When Men Cock Block Themselves

I usually write from a calendar of ideas and inspiration. Right now, mine is full through sometime in October.

But, sometimes, I write what’s on my my mind RIGHT NOW. Or I write about something that keeps coming up over and over. Because, I figure if it’s a recurring theme, it’s banging me on my noggin, saying, “TIME TO WRITE ME!”

This is one of those times.

So, the past couple of weeks, I’ve had conversations with several of my girlfriends about the idea of men just getting in their own damn way—cock blocking themselves.

Like, we like them.

We’re attracted to them.

We want to sex them.

Then, they kill our lady boners flat ded with some idiotic remark we can’t unhear.

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Let’s Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let’s Wake The Neighbors!)?

Let's Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let's Wake The Neighbors!)?

Sure, sure, I get it.

There are times when you just CAN’T let ‘er rip.

Maybe the kids are asleep, or you folks are staying for the holidays.

Or, maybe those things don’t bother you at all.

They do bother some people, though, as this young lady recounts:

I am loud in bed. It is hardwired, always was.

All my life I have been a bit self conscious about being loud. It is what it is and in the end, who cares what the neighbors say? Right? I have countless hours with my face deep into a pillow. Trust me.

One new lover recently on the first and only encounter got so put off by it that he shrank to nothing. He asked me NOT to make any noises please…and just lay still.

I was blown away. I tried to be a silent statue as he wished but did not work for me. It all ended there. That was a new one for me.

What are your thoughts?

Given the perfect scenario of no one around to hear, no chance of being walked in on or discovered…

  • Would you prefer loud or soft?
  • How loud is too loud?
  • What about talking? Dirty talking?
  • Laughing yay or nay?

And in not-so-perfect circumstances, if you like loud, what are your guidelines for keeping it down and still having a great time?

I look forward to your replies.

The Big Book Of Ass

The Big Book Of Ass: All about anal play and pleasure, including training, communication, safety, and more is the second Dating Kinky Presents book.

This is Nookie’s second book all about butt stuff, the first In Through The Out Door was published in 2015. In The Big Book of Ass, Nookie and kinksters from around the world answer your biggest questions about playing with your (or someone else’s) backside.

Here’s a sneak preview:

The Big Book Of Ass is scheduled to release on July 1, 2019 (watch for giveaways and promotions),  with free downloads on Amazon August 1-3, 2019.

The Big Book of Ass is part of the Dating Kinky Presents series of books, a new book series I’m creating to educate about kink in a friendly and approachable way.

It’s my goal to share not only my own experiences, but the experiences and ideas of other kinksters on each topic. As we all know, there is no WON TWOO WAY, and a variety of voices and perspectives will speak to the amazing variety of kinksters in our community.

If you’d like to receive notifications of new kink book releases, and reminders about when you can download books for free, choose an option below:

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant – Pros & Cons

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant

I love coconut oil as a personal lubricant. LOVE it.

It’s the only lube I keep around at all times.

I keep it in a small container next to my bed, available for massages and all other manner of sexy things.

I recommend it in my anal play class and books and in my orgasm class.

And I recommended it to someone in a Facebook poly group who has been having trouble with staying wet. Many people had the same thoughts: coconut oil was the most recommended single lube in the thread.

Continue reading “Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant – Pros & Cons”

The 80/20 Rule Of Sex In Relationships

80/20 Rule of Sex In Relationships

They say that is the sex is great, it’s 20% of a relationship, and if it’s not going so well, it’s 80%.

They have a point, although I’d modify it a bit.

It’s not so much about the number of orgasms, or the skillset—that can be learned.

It’s about the overall sexual compatibility.

  • Does it feel like a metric fuck-ton of orgasms raining down upon your body or at least like it has the potential to become fucking fantastic with practice together?
  • Do you have similar sex drives (from asexual to want-it-damn-near-every-minute-andwhen-i-don’t-want-it-i-want-to-talk-about-it-and-how-we-can-make-it-even-better-next-time)?
  • Are you at comparable levels of ease related to TALKING about and discussing sex?
  • Do you like a significant enough number of the same things related to sex that you have plenty of room to grow and explore together for however long you imagine your relationship to last, or to whatever level you’d like to attempt?
  • And most of all, are you lacking disgust or disdain for their sexual interests?

If you have all these, then sex and it’s related issues will likely be about 20% of your relationship compatibility.

If you’re majorly questionable on any of these, then the issues you have related to and around sex will likely become 80% of your relationship.

Not that you will necessarily mean it that way. Or that it will be obvious.

But that resentments, insecurities, fears, and hurt will color every disagreement you have.

Sure, people get around this.

Some say to their partner, “I love you and I want you to be happy. Do that, and let’s enjoy what we continue to have together,” and sometimes that works.

Often, it does not, because, well, humans are imperfect, and resentments, insecurities, fears, and hurt can still color our reactions and responses.

A Tale Of Two Cocks

A Tale Of Two Cocks

I know these cocks. Two wonderful, amazing cocks. Each owns a perfectly average guy.

One cock, let’s call him S, owns a 5’9″ Italian guy with a cheeky smile and a dad bod.

The other cock, B, owns a wiry 6’1″ Latino man with a slouch, a shock of dark hair and a twinkle in his eye.

Their people are very different. S enjoys hiking all over the world, eschews carbs and alcohol (mostly), while B is a bit anti-social and loves nothing more than playing guitar, smoking “hippy lettuce,” and drinking vodka.

And both cocks LOVE sex.

Like, a lot.

S is about 7″ long, of average thickness, and can be a bit shy around more than one woman at a time (although he’s getting over that!).

B is 9″ long, about 7″ around, and gets hard when the fan blows him. Even in awkward situations.

Continue reading “A Tale Of Two Cocks”

I Am Thankful For Consent Education

Teen Consent

I am thankful that our teens and young adults grew up with a different education on consent and what it means than I did.

I am thankful that they have watched Consent & Tea.

I am thankful that the understanding of how to get consent is ingrained into so many more of them than in my generation.

I am thankful that these are the people who will be making policy and law on this issue soon.

I am thankful for all of this.

And I am hopeful that this will mean fewer consent violations in the future, and that those will be taken more seriously and handled more compassionately.


My reference and inspiration: What Teens Think of the Kavanaugh Accusations

STDs/STIs: More Partners Does NOT Equal More Risk

STDs / STIs

There is a lot of misinformation going around about STDs/STIs, and one of the biggies is “the more sexual partners you have, the higher your risk of having something.”

It seems logical, right?

The more people you have sex with, the more likely you are to catch something.

Nope.

No.

Not at all.

That’s not how science works.

And to be clear, this isn’t what I was actually planning on writing about today. I was going to write about open relationships, and how Mayim Bialik got it all wrong in one video, then got it mostly right in another.

Mayim Bialik gets it wrong.

Mayim Bialik gets it right.

But, as I was reading comments on the second video, I saw quite a few focusing in on the title topic, and remembered a conversation I had on the same topic a while back, and was inspired.

How Risk Of STDs/STIs Works

The relevant statistics are not the number of people you have sex with, but the risk levels of the people you have sex with.

It’s basic disease vector science.

Let’s look at an example of a disease vector I intersected with earlier this year: In late January, early February, the flu was going around. I was quite ill, so I went to the doctor. He thought I might have the flu, but he also thought I might have had a quite severe respiratory infection that may require quarantine.

Now, the reason he thought I might have the flu is obvious: So many people near me in North Carolina had the flu, and I was a breathing human.

However, the reason he had me tested for that nasty respiratory infection was not because I was breathing around so many people in North Carolina, but because I had a 12-hour layout in the Middle East on my way back from Thailand (and naturally had to breathe once or twice while there), and that put me at risk.

The issue was not that I breathed (had sex) but that I breathed (had sex) with a high-risk group multiple times for a period of time, without taking precautions like a mask (condom, papers) that might have reduced my risk to almost nothing.

This is how disease vectors work.

It’s not how many people you breathe around (sleep with).

It’s how many people you breathe around (sleep with) that pose a risk.

AND, factors like personal immunity and health always play a factor as well.

Let’s look at two extreme examples…

First, the person who have had sex 100 times, but only protected sex with untouched virgins.

I’m not sure this person exists, truthfully. However, I’m making a point.

Second, the person who has monogamous unprotected sex with one person (ever) with syphilis.

Who’s more at risk of STDs/STIs?

Obviously, the second person.

(Unless the first person made out with someone with mono, shook hands and then touched their eye with someone who has a herpes outbreak and had just touched their genitals (perhaps in the washroom, without washing, slept on the same sheets as someone with crabs, or ate food carelessly prepared by someone with hepatitis, etc.)

And if that second person has sex multiple times with the same infected partner, their risk increases through multiple exposures.

Still, our faithful here is not 100% guaranteed to get syphilis, based on their having that sex, even multiple times. Some people have immunities and barriers that protect them in ways that are not yet fully understood by science.

Just as some people rarely get sick (I rarely do), and some get sick quite regularly.

So, to recap, it’s not the number of partners you have sex with, it’s how risky your sex is multiplied by their risk factors and so on.

And according to some, that is a HUGE risk, suggesting that even one male partner in his twenties can equal sex with 479,201 people. And that’s one partner.

The fearmongering crowd can be quite vocal.

As they say in finance…

“Past performance does not equal future results.”

Just as in investing, the number of people someone has slept with does not equal their history of STDs/STIs, nor does it suggest that they will continue that exact same rate into the future.

People change. Motivations change. Hormones and desires change.

So, in closing,

You have an absolute right to choose your own safety level for you.

Choosing your personal boundaries when it comes to the sex you have, how safe it is, and what sort of disclosure you want from your partner about current interactions and status is 100% OK.

Just don’t think you can beat actual diagnoses and science by simply totting up their bangs.