Please Don’t Ask Me About My Favorites…

I make a habit of spending 30 minutes each weekday learning something.

Or, at least reading outside of my usual interests, following interesting links, etc.

Today, I clicked on a link to [improve my communication][https://www.cnbc.com/2017/03/02/the-3-minutes-it-takes-to-read-this-will-improve-your-conversations-forever.html], and while most of it was quite good, I’d think, one thing really stood out for me.

Questions about specifics lead people to give you answers that are not generic.

Example: Don’t ask, “What was fun about your trip?” Instead, drill down and ask, “What was the single most fun moment of the trip?”

Oh, please no. Don’t ask me about:

  • Most fun
  • Favorite
  • Best ever
  • coolest thing

I may be a total freak of nature, but my brain doesn’t work like that.

Sure, I have a few glib answers to favorite movie (Blazing Saddles) and best album of all time (Bat Out of Hell), but even those don’t apply all of the time, because reasons.

And asking me my favorite is a good way to shut down a conversation.

My brain stops. Or doesn’t stop. It overloads, trying to compare so many amazing pieces of my life that I enjoy/love/adore for disparate reasons in different times of my life, to narrow it down to a sing unrevocable TRUTH.

And I get hung up.

Maybe it’s me.

Perhaps I need more RAM.

Or, perhaps I don’t filter things as well as others do. Like, even tiny pleasures suddenly crowd into my head when people ask me my favorite sexual experience ever.

  • Was it the first Bad Dragon play Pet and I did, and the discovery of ‘scaled for pleasure’ as a thing?
  • The 3-hour kinky threesome that left me aphasic?
  • The wild roll of a full night of it, starting with a hot tub in the snow?
  • The time I cried from overwhelming love as he moved in me?
  • That quick (and hard) ass fuck in front of a mirror?

How do I choose? I don’t. I can’t.

Instead, ask me what makes me feel filled up. Or what make me laugh during sex. Or what about different toys makes me love them (or not).

Oh, I know these are not as easy as “What is your favorite…” and I’m a tiny bit sorry about that. But not a lot.

After all, I’m giving you fair warning.

I Was Told Today…”50 Years Ago Folks Didn’t Do Anal”

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

This young man also proceeded to tell me that cunnilingus:

“puts guys in a women s position”

and that

“it’s just now becoming a norm.”
“I feel it’s new.”
“Men in the decade have just started doing it”

Let me tell you something here. This young man grew up in a religious family who adhered to the Bible.

I wonder if they’d torn out the Song of Solomon, LOL!

About anal, he also had this to say:

“In this generation ideas. Changing”

I replied, “Nothing is changing. You shits think you’re fucking discovering shit. Puh-leeeeeease. This is old as the fucking hills. It’s not new.”

Of course, that’s when he hits me with the 50 years line.

Fuuuuuuck! I mean, really.

When we were in Spain this past week, Pet and I had the honor and pleasure of spending a day in the La Mancha region with two amazing men. One gave us a hiking tour with some history of the region, and he and I got into a discussion about a dear friend of mine (now passed) who had done some amazing work of researching and documenting homosexual pairings in the Spanish Armada and piracy.

Gay Spanish pirates!

(Oh, but only in the past 50 years, of course! LOL!)

I mean, this boy has never heard of the Romans?

Or even (again) in his own bible?

Or, I dunno, done even a tiny bit of research of his own?

This is a bright young man, listening to people who have convinced him that:

“Since women make all the rules of sex relationships love they own it and men have no say just blindly follow ass.”

It saddens me for this boy and our friendship, and for his future prospects at happiness. Deeply.

NOTE: I don’t believe men should have to eat pussy. In fact, I wrote about that more than 5 years ago: My Perspective: Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls

A Strapless Dildo Option That Works! FINALLY!

I have long desired a truly strapless experience for play with dildos, and I’ve tried a few options. Unfortunately, all were disappointing.

They were too hard and pokey (I guess that’s why they thought they needed to maintain the “shape”), they were oddly shaped, or the ‘inner bits’ were just…not shaped right.

Some were good enough for use on women, but failed miserably when engaged with the much stronger muscles of the anus, which is my primary interest.

I kept up hope, but I admit that my optimism was fading.

Then, while I was researching my latest book on butt stuff (The Big Book of Ass), someone mentioned the InJoyUs. I went to check it out, of course, even though I was deeply skeptical. After all, I’d read glowing reviews of all the others I’ve tried, and NONE of them really worked like anyone said.

I was thinking, “Maybe I’m the weirdo, here,” not for the first time.

But the InJoyUs LOOKED different right off the bat. Something about it seemed better-thought-out. A small flame of hope sprung up, and I sent an email.

“Something, something, blah, blah, blah. InJoyUs was recommended, and I’d love to review it for inclusion in my book, if it works. More yadda yadda…”

And so, not long after, I got my review box.

Now, John at New Love Creations had already mentioned that he’d gotten a bit of flack for his packaging, and when I opened it up, I could see why. It’s certainly not what I would expect for a product of the price and caliber I was expecting, and could use an update for sure.

However, I wasn’t going to be sticking packaging in my or my partner’s butt, so it was easy to open it up and look at the product itself.

Because I’d talked some with John about how he’d designed, tested and engineered this thing, I was prepared for it to feel solid. And it does. I was almost concerned with HOW solid it felt, like the weight might be detrimental.

It was not at all. More on that in a bit.

I got the InJoyUs in my package, along with the Lily and Lela dildos. Two very different sizes/shapes.

All are made from pure platinum grade silicone, which is pretty much a must for me these days. It’s body-safe, odorless, hypoallergenic, and super easy to clean. Just pop those babies in the top rack of the dishwasher, or clean with bleach.

The InJoyUs has a stabilizer inside it (it’s not visible, nor can it be felt) of a super-strong metal, to maintain shape and erection angle, which I really like.

But NONE of that mattered if it didn’t feel good and stay in.

And it took a couple of days for me to make the scene happen, and I was chomping at the bit to try it out.

A set of detailed instructions came with the toys, which I looked over, and promptly ignored.

LOL!

Seriously, though, while I believe the instructions are needed, and they are well-done, I figured I had this.

After all, one of the reasons I want a strapless solution is to make this sort of play more spontaneous and less fussy. If I can’t just pop it in and go, then it won’t really add value to my life.

So, I chose to wing it, and wing it I did.

Well, I did realize that Step 1 was critical after popping the internal portion, and feeling an urgent need to pee.

So, that taken care of (and lesson learned), it was back to play.

Without going into graphic details, the results were overwhelmingly positive for butt play with my male partner.

  • InJoyUs was easy to insert.
  • It felt both solid and secure in place.
  • We played with the Lily to start, and it has a nice extra clitoral stimulation pad.
  • Both my g-spot and clitoris were happily stimulated.
  • It stayed in, and felt good—I orgasmed more than a few times.

Definitely overwhelmingly positive.

There were a few hiccups:

  • It takes some time, I think, to get used to the angle and use. This was our first time, and we tried cowgirl, missionary (plus variations) and lotus positions. Pretty basic, and successful, although learning the angle of thrust was a thing. Fun to learn, though!
  • When I orgasm hard, I’ve been know to push out a VERY enthusiastic dick. The same is true of the InJoyUs. However, I was totally OK with this, as it stayed in for the rest of the time, and frankly, I often bet against strong, determined men staying in there when I clamp down and push in the throes. As a friend said this morning, “They just need to say it has an ejection feature when the mission is accomplished!” LOL!
  • The angle, to me, seemed like it ‘used up’ a bit of the length of the toy. The Lily is measured at 7 inches insertable. My partner and I both agreed that another inch would have been perfect. Now, that could be because I’m a “thicc” girl, and it did have to get out past my thighs, but not all users are gonna be teeny-tiny. (The next person to try this out is gonna be a much smaller woman, so we’ll have additional feedback when that happens.)

All in all, I am feeling the first flushes of infatuation with this system, and expect that if things continue, I’ll be in love.

I look forward to using the Lela as well, and would LOVE to see more options of shapes and sizes in dildos from New Love Creations, so that I can continue using the InJoyUs for all dildo fuckery in the future.

https://newlovecreations.com/shop/

This is part 1 of a multi-part review of this product over time and by multiple people. Keep an eye out for more.

How I Planned My First Orgy

My first. My Pet’s first.

For his birthday. My gift to him. I’d never had an orgy, much less planned one, but I put my organization skills to the task and pulled it off. Here’s how I did it.

The Players:

Me, W (obviously, LOL!) – Organizer
Pet, M – Guest of Honor/Birthday boy, bi

M1 – Black friend/stud, Straight-ish
M2 – Geeky friend with big cock, bi

W1 – Friend, sweet, cute, mostly lesbian
W2 – Friend, hot, sexy, dominant, mostly lesbian, somewhat flexible
W3 – Friend, beautiful, bi
W4 – Friend, beautiful, submissive, bi (the girl I’ve played with and dirty talked through mental orgasms)
W5 – Young lady, sweet, beautiful, bi

6 women, all somewhat flexible.
3 men, two flexible, the other flexible-ish.

That was a VERY good combination, and allowed for many different types of play.

The Set-Up:

I emailed everyone, asking for:

  • Name (or nickname)/how they want to be introduced.
  • What gender do they feel comfortable being approached by, sexually: men/women/both
  • Personal limits
  • Safety preferences
  • STD test results (if they wanted to share)
  • Additional notes

I made sure they all got back to me by 15 days before the event. I collected the info, and forwarded it, to introduce everyone, and give them links to our kinky profiles, so they could get to know each other better.

Continue reading “How I Planned My First Orgy”

PSYCHOLAGNY: Orgasm Without Physical Stimulation

Psycholagny

I’ve been talking about this for 10+ years.

And for all that time, I’ve been challenged by those who believe it’s not possible.

And yet…

There’s a word for this. Because it exists. And it’s more common than you might think.

Musing On Mindgasms (Touch-Free Orgasms)

If you’ve not experienced this (whatever your gender), you may want to try it out. It’s a pretty amazing experience, and can improve your physical sex life as well in so many amazing ways.

Image by engin akyurt from Pixabay

When Men Cock Block Themselves

When Men Cock Block Themselves

I usually write from a calendar of ideas and inspiration. Right now, mine is full through sometime in October.

But, sometimes, I write what’s on my my mind RIGHT NOW. Or I write about something that keeps coming up over and over. Because, I figure if it’s a recurring theme, it’s banging me on my noggin, saying, “TIME TO WRITE ME!”

This is one of those times.

So, the past couple of weeks, I’ve had conversations with several of my girlfriends about the idea of men just getting in their own damn way—cock blocking themselves.

Like, we like them.

We’re attracted to them.

We want to sex them.

Then, they kill our lady boners flat ded with some idiotic remark we can’t unhear.

Continue reading “When Men Cock Block Themselves”

Let’s Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let’s Wake The Neighbors!)?

Let's Debate: Sex—Quiet? Or Loud (And Let's Wake The Neighbors!)?

Sure, sure, I get it.

There are times when you just CAN’T let ‘er rip.

Maybe the kids are asleep, or you folks are staying for the holidays.

Or, maybe those things don’t bother you at all.

They do bother some people, though, as this young lady recounts:

I am loud in bed. It is hardwired, always was.

All my life I have been a bit self conscious about being loud. It is what it is and in the end, who cares what the neighbors say? Right? I have countless hours with my face deep into a pillow. Trust me.

One new lover recently on the first and only encounter got so put off by it that he shrank to nothing. He asked me NOT to make any noises please…and just lay still.

I was blown away. I tried to be a silent statue as he wished but did not work for me. It all ended there. That was a new one for me.

What are your thoughts?

Given the perfect scenario of no one around to hear, no chance of being walked in on or discovered…

  • Would you prefer loud or soft?
  • How loud is too loud?
  • What about talking? Dirty talking?
  • Laughing yay or nay?

And in not-so-perfect circumstances, if you like loud, what are your guidelines for keeping it down and still having a great time?

I look forward to your replies.

The Big Book Of Ass

The Big Book Of Ass: All about anal play and pleasure, including training, communication, safety, and more is the second Dating Kinky Presents book.

This is Nookie’s second book all about butt stuff, the first In Through The Out Door was published in 2015. In The Big Book of Ass, Nookie and kinksters from around the world answer your biggest questions about playing with your (or someone else’s) backside.

Here’s a sneak preview:

The Big Book Of Ass is scheduled to release on July 1, 2019 (watch for giveaways and promotions),  with free downloads on Amazon August 1-3, 2019.

The Big Book of Ass is part of the Dating Kinky Presents series of books, a new book series I’m creating to educate about kink in a friendly and approachable way.

It’s my goal to share not only my own experiences, but the experiences and ideas of other kinksters on each topic. As we all know, there is no WON TWOO WAY, and a variety of voices and perspectives will speak to the amazing variety of kinksters in our community.

If you’d like to receive notifications of new kink book releases, and reminders about when you can download books for free, choose an option below:

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant – Pros & Cons

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant

I love coconut oil as a personal lubricant. LOVE it.

It’s the only lube I keep around at all times.

I keep it in a small container next to my bed, available for massages and all other manner of sexy things.

I recommend it in my anal play class and books and in my orgasm class.

And I recommended it to someone in a Facebook poly group who has been having trouble with staying wet. Many people had the same thoughts: coconut oil was the most recommended single lube in the thread.

Continue reading “Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant – Pros & Cons”

The 80/20 Rule Of Sex In Relationships

80/20 Rule of Sex In Relationships

They say that is the sex is great, it’s 20% of a relationship, and if it’s not going so well, it’s 80%.

They have a point, although I’d modify it a bit.

It’s not so much about the number of orgasms, or the skillset—that can be learned.

It’s about the overall sexual compatibility.

  • Does it feel like a metric fuck-ton of orgasms raining down upon your body or at least like it has the potential to become fucking fantastic with practice together?
  • Do you have similar sex drives (from asexual to want-it-damn-near-every-minute-andwhen-i-don’t-want-it-i-want-to-talk-about-it-and-how-we-can-make-it-even-better-next-time)?
  • Are you at comparable levels of ease related to TALKING about and discussing sex?
  • Do you like a significant enough number of the same things related to sex that you have plenty of room to grow and explore together for however long you imagine your relationship to last, or to whatever level you’d like to attempt?
  • And most of all, are you lacking disgust or disdain for their sexual interests?

If you have all these, then sex and it’s related issues will likely be about 20% of your relationship compatibility.

If you’re majorly questionable on any of these, then the issues you have related to and around sex will likely become 80% of your relationship.

Not that you will necessarily mean it that way. Or that it will be obvious.

But that resentments, insecurities, fears, and hurt will color every disagreement you have.

Sure, people get around this.

Some say to their partner, “I love you and I want you to be happy. Do that, and let’s enjoy what we continue to have together,” and sometimes that works.

Often, it does not, because, well, humans are imperfect, and resentments, insecurities, fears, and hurt can still color our reactions and responses.