A Tale Of Two Cocks

A Tale Of Two Cocks

I know these cocks. Two wonderful, amazing cocks. Each owns a perfectly average guy.

One cock, let’s call him S, owns a 5’9″ Italian guy with a cheeky smile and a dad bod.

The other cock, B, owns a wiry 6’1″ Latino man with a slouch, a shock of dark hair and a twinkle in his eye.

Their people are very different. S enjoys hiking all over the world, eschews carbs and alcohol (mostly), while B is a bit anti-social and loves nothing more than playing guitar, smoking “hippy lettuce,” and drinking vodka.

And both cocks LOVE sex.

Like, a lot.

S is about 7″ long, of average thickness, and can be a bit shy around more than one woman at a time (although he’s getting over that!).

B is 9″ long, about 7″ around, and gets hard when the fan blows him. Even in awkward situations.

Continue reading “A Tale Of Two Cocks”

I Am Thankful For Consent Education

Teen Consent

I am thankful that our teens and young adults grew up with a different education on consent and what it means than I did.

I am thankful that they have watched Consent & Tea.

I am thankful that the understanding of how to get consent is ingrained into so many more of them than in my generation.

I am thankful that these are the people who will be making policy and law on this issue soon.

I am thankful for all of this.

And I am hopeful that this will mean fewer consent violations in the future, and that those will be taken more seriously and handled more compassionately.


My reference and inspiration: What Teens Think of the Kavanaugh Accusations

STDs/STIs: More Partners Does NOT Equal More Risk

STDs / STIs

There is a lot of misinformation going around about STDs/STIs, and one of the biggies is “the more sexual partners you have, the higher your risk of having something.”

It seems logical, right?

The more people you have sex with, the more likely you are to catch something.

Nope.

No.

Not at all.

That’s not how science works.

And to be clear, this isn’t what I was actually planning on writing about today. I was going to write about open relationships, and how Mayim Bialik got it all wrong in one video, then got it mostly right in another.

Mayim Bialik gets it wrong.

Mayim Bialik gets it right.

But, as I was reading comments on the second video, I saw quite a few focusing in on the title topic, and remembered a conversation I had on the same topic a while back, and was inspired.

How Risk Of STDs/STIs Works

The relevant statistics are not the number of people you have sex with, but the risk levels of the people you have sex with.

It’s basic disease vector science.

Let’s look at an example of a disease vector I intersected with earlier this year: In late January, early February, the flu was going around. I was quite ill, so I went to the doctor. He thought I might have the flu, but he also thought I might have had a quite severe respiratory infection that may require quarantine.

Now, the reason he thought I might have the flu is obvious: So many people near me in North Carolina had the flu, and I was a breathing human.

However, the reason he had me tested for that nasty respiratory infection was not because I was breathing around so many people in North Carolina, but because I had a 12-hour layout in the Middle East on my way back from Thailand (and naturally had to breathe once or twice while there), and that put me at risk.

The issue was not that I breathed (had sex) but that I breathed (had sex) with a high-risk group multiple times for a period of time, without taking precautions like a mask (condom, papers) that might have reduced my risk to almost nothing.

This is how disease vectors work.

It’s not how many people you breathe around (sleep with).

It’s how many people you breathe around (sleep with) that pose a risk.

AND, factors like personal immunity and health always play a factor as well.

Let’s look at two extreme examples…

First, the person who have had sex 100 times, but only protected sex with untouched virgins.

I’m not sure this person exists, truthfully. However, I’m making a point.

Second, the person who has monogamous unprotected sex with one person (ever) with syphilis.

Who’s more at risk of STDs/STIs?

Obviously, the second person.

(Unless the first person made out with someone with mono, shook hands and then touched their eye with someone who has a herpes outbreak and had just touched their genitals (perhaps in the washroom, without washing, slept on the same sheets as someone with crabs, or ate food carelessly prepared by someone with hepatitis, etc.)

And if that second person has sex multiple times with the same infected partner, their risk increases through multiple exposures.

Still, our faithful here is not 100% guaranteed to get syphilis, based on their having that sex, even multiple times. Some people have immunities and barriers that protect them in ways that are not yet fully understood by science.

Just as some people rarely get sick (I rarely do), and some get sick quite regularly.

So, to recap, it’s not the number of partners you have sex with, it’s how risky your sex is multiplied by their risk factors and so on.

And according to some, that is a HUGE risk, suggesting that even one male partner in his twenties can equal sex with 479,201 people. And that’s one partner.

The fearmongering crowd can be quite vocal.

As they say in finance…

“Past performance does not equal future results.”

Just as in investing, the number of people someone has slept with does not equal their history of STDs/STIs, nor does it suggest that they will continue that exact same rate into the future.

People change. Motivations change. Hormones and desires change.

So, in closing,

You have an absolute right to choose your own safety level for you.

Choosing your personal boundaries when it comes to the sex you have, how safe it is, and what sort of disclosure you want from your partner about current interactions and status is 100% OK.

Just don’t think you can beat actual diagnoses and science by simply totting up their bangs.

A Different Definition Of Consent: To Feel Together

Consent: To Feel Together

I actually had this topic on my calendar for Tuesday, and today’s topic was a follow-up on a consent writing I did back in November of last year: Why Do We Think Consent Isn’t Sexy?

And this didn’t get written, because reasons, and today’s topic I’m not QUITE ready for. Not so un-ready that I’m pushing it off until February (yet), but not yet ready to write.

And besides, I think today’s topic is better to write first.

I have a daily ritual of spending at least 15 minutes every day reading something to make me think. To help me grow as a person, in my business, whatever. I often try to read things WAY outside of my normal topics, so I can bring ideas and inspiration back.

Some time ago, I was doing just that, and I came across an awesome concept.

The etymology (did you catch yesterday that I’ve been a word geek from WAYYY back?) of consent includes consentire.

Consentire, in Latin, means “to feel together.”

I quite like that.

Because it suggests that we should view consent not as the simple acquisition of “yes,” but as a building of experiences with ALL parties in mind.

If consent is simply about getting a “yes,” or agreement to forge ahead, we have to constantly keep an eye on power imbalances and what those can mean to implied or coerced consent.

Feeling together, however, means creating an experience, which requires attention, mirroring, and empathy towards the other/others sharing that experience.

While I still love checking in for consent as I go, as mentioned in my previous writing), I know that as my relationships deepen, I “feel together” far more often, and with great joy.

And I’m guessing that many who report NOT getting constant consent and yet having happy healthy relationships also do, too.

Which is beautiful.

Can You Really “Break” Your Goodie Bits?

Can you break your goodie bits?

A bit ago, I shared an article on my social media titled Woman Who “Broke” Her Vagina With Sex Toy Shares Warning To Others.

(Clicking through will require some sort of verification that was not in place when I originally shared it, so you can take my word for it.)

Anyway, someone commented:

How in the hell can you break a vagina when it can squeeze out a 10 lb baby with a solid head

Aside from the fact that babies don’t have “solid” heads when they are born (it takes a while for the skull to fuse), there is a valid question at the core:

Can you really “break” your goodie bits?

Yes.

Yes you can.

Let’s talk about a few ways.

You can break your penis.

No, penises don’t have bones, so it’s not a fracture in the traditional sense, but you can seriously damage yourself.

So, while it’s not a break, it is a tear in a part of the penis called the tunica albuginea. That’s like a fleshy balloon that fills up with blood, to turn your softy into a stiffy. When there is a rip in that, it won’t inflate, you get blood spilling out into your skin, creating a bruise. It can even make a popping sound, which probably contributes to the idea of “breaking” it.

More details from Scientific American…

You can break your pudendal nerve.

When you overuse heavy vibration in/around your clitoris and vagina, you can deaden the nerves. The pudendal nerve serves the entire area, and will shut down if it’s over stimulated.

This recently happened to a friend of mine. It’s pretty scary when it does.

Usually lasts a few days to about two weeks.

You can break your ability to orgasm in a variety of ways.

There is also getting used to using a vibrator (or your hand or a specific toy) to orgasm.

Done too often, with some people, they begin to find that they can’t orgasm any other way. That usually requires a cold turkey from that method, and teaching those nerves and the corresponding brain pathways to enjoy other stimulation types again.

Over-using any one single type of stimulation can cause issues with overall sexuality and pleasure.

This can last weeks, months, even years. It’s all dependent on the person.

You can break your cervix.

No, it’s not a break, per se, more like a pounding.

Hitting the cervix hard with a sizeable penis or toy for a long period of time can cause bruising and even ongoing cramps.

You can break your sensitive skin.

Anyone who has ever chafed their “down below” areas on a beard, against some fabric (frotting, anyone?), or because they ran out of lube and didn’t notice will tell you that while it’s not permanent, it’s enough of a break to put those bits off limits for a while.

And there are other ways to seriously damage your sexy parts and put them out of commission for a while, from tearing, to infections and more.

So, yeah… you can “break” your goodie bits, although, luckily, most of the damage is temporary, it can still cause quite a fright.

I Ain’t Never Had That GOOD Dick

Deep Spiritual Heat Seeking Missile

Apparently.

I mean, I THOUGHT I had had some really good sex in my life. Like, banging through walls, 200+ orgasms, screaming, getting all the dogs in the neighborhood howling with me, even sex-induced aphasia… but I know better, now.

Because I’ve never, in the throes of pleasure, when he “hitting dem waaalls like she needed him to hit dem waaalls” slapped the man I was fucking in spiritual ecstasy.

Damn it! Where is my powerful “deep spiritual heat seeking missile”?

*cries*

Why The Good Dick Gotta Ruin Our Lives?

Is Your Work Suffering?

LOL! A young friend of mine sent me this today:

Some of the relevant transcript (for those who can’t see the vid):

Hey besties. Ladies, I’m just trying to figure out why we keep letting good dick rule our lives. We gotta take a hold of the vagina and keep it outta grasp, and… and do our kegels and ruin their life. Why good dick gotta ruin our lives?

“It’s cool. It ain’t like that. We’ve been through a lot.” Girrrrrl! Girl girl girl! It’s the dick. Keep it 1000. Come on, now…

So, my young friend sends me this, and asks if that’s really true.

(Honestly, I think he’s concerned about giving the good dick… he’s a bit new to all this sex stuff…)

I said for some, sure.

And then there are those who just don’t value dick (no matter how much squirt, how many orgasms, how GOD hisself comes down from the heavens to bless your coital union with sunshine and a choir of angels) over their personal well-being, and know that dick, good and bad, is everywhere, so they will wait for preemo.

What’s preemo?

Well, it’s the package. The people you LIKE who also have the dick.

And when I say “the dick,” I could be talking about any kinda sex here, because I don’t think it’s just women who get stupid over man dick, but any gender getting ass-over-teakettle over any of those good O’s that make you slap someone.

And, funny enough for me, those I like bring the dick better than anyone else.

So, it’s all good.

I guess I’ll have to let something else ruin my life. Today, I pick Ben & Jerry’s.

how many ppl u sexd?

Sexting

Really? THAT’s what you want to know? That’s your burning question? The one that comes before an introduction, some small talk?

UGH.

And while that is heinous, the question in general is kind of gross, no matter what, in my view.

After all, why da fuck you care?

What possible bearing could that have on my relationship with you?

Let’s explore:

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with change how I look?

If so, you can judge how I look without knowing.

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with determine how capable I am of loving?

If so, you can determine whether I love you enough through my words and actions, rather than through my sexual history.

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with have anything to do with my skills in bed?

Well, then, when we get to that point, try me out, and we’ll see if we are compatible there.

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with suggest to you how I might feel “down there?”

If so, you can find that out when/if you are allowed to feel that.

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with give you an idea of how loyal I will be?

If so, find out by actually experiencing my loyalty.

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with give you and idea of your competition?

Sex is not a competition. Can’t you understand that if I’m with you, it’s because I want to be?

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with tell you whether I am a good person or not?

Can’t you decide that for yourself through other factors?

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with give you an idea of my STD/STI status?

You can find that out through asking me for my test results—even my test results history.

Does the number of people I’ve had sex with tell you whether you are likely to get sex with me?

No. It doesn’t.

And besides, it’s none of your gawddamned business.

Image: Mike Licht, CC2.0

Q. What Is The Difference Between A Garbanzo Bean And A Chickpea?

An illustration of a man with a monocle peering between a woman's legs looking for the clitoris.

A. I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face!

*guffaw*

Ok, ok, I’ve got another.

Q. What’s the difference between a man’s orgasm and a woman’s orgasm?

A. Scientists don’t question whether male orgasms exist.

*laughs, then… sighs*

Look, people, female pleasure has been around as long as male pleasure, and all of this confusion about how it works hurts EVERYONE.

If orgasm doesn’t exist outside of ejaculation, then women get the short end if they don’t squirt, and men never get to learn to experience multiples.

AND… what’s in it for those women who enjoy sex with men, if their pleasure is not a priority?

It’s sad.

To brighten it up, though, I found this fun little documentary on the clitoris that I wanted to share with you. It’s French, and subtitled, which somehow makes it even cuter to me, and the whimsical animation makes me smile.