She Needs to Know That You’re CAPABLE of Cruelty

She Needs to Know That You're CAPABLE of Cruelty

Guest Post by _Vidar_ (FetLife link)

“It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.”
Niccolo Machiavelli

That doesn’t sound like a relationship I’d like to be in, either as the giver or reciever of fear, but there’s a kernel of applicable wisdom in there.

Awhile back (I wouldn’t recommend this) my first scenes with a few women were very severe and in every case, we developed interesting relationships that had legs. That was probably part luck, but there was more to it than that. From the outset, my willingness to be brutal was never in question

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Jacksonville, FL Locals: I’m Teaching for A.L.E In April!

Alternative Lifestyle Enthusiasts (A.L.E.) Logo

Super-thrilled to be teaching a double header for A.L.E. in Jacksonville on April 13th!

https://fetlife.com/events/731158

http://www.alekink.com/

Over three hours, we’ll be covering both finding your feminine leadership style for FemDoms and how to yield your strength for alpha submissives (of any/every gender).

I’m geeked. I’ve never put these two classes together, but they are perfectly complementary, and touch on how we give and receive power from both sides of the slash.

For FemDom, we’ll talk about achetypes and common tropes, and how to grow beyond the limitations we often see presented to us.

For submissives, we’ll discuss the common issues of holding your strength and boundaries (because life is a thing), while also wanting nothing more than to give everything you have to the RIGHT dominant.

These two classes will combine in amazing ways, because the submissives attending will see the pressures and concerns dominants have, while the dominants attending will get insight into how submissives are often cast in one-dimensional roles as well, and can be so much more in service when accepted for the multi-faceted amazing humans they are.

I’m looking forward to meeting new kinksters in Jacksonville, since I’ve not really been before, and having this amazing opportunity to share some of my own thoughts on this wonderful lifestyle we live.

*smiles*

SC Locals: I’m Teaching At The Academy In April!

The Academy Dungeon

So thrilled to have been invited by ChristianV to teach at The Academy in Georgetown, SC on April 6th!

And not only do I get to present at an amazing venue to a new group of people (one of my FAVORITE things), I also get to present one of the classes near and dear to my heart:

The Alpha Submissive—How to Yield Your Strength

You know you are submissive. And yet, you are a strong, take-charge kind of guy or girl, which makes some dominants complain of topping-from-the bottom, or claim that you’re not submissive at all. How do you find your submission and yield, when the time is truly right?

I started teaching this class five years ago, after one thousand too many submissives told me that they were confused about their submission, because they had been told that if they {fill in the blank with any bullet point below}, they were not REALLY submissive.

  • Had healthy boundaries—hell, have ANY boundaries at all.
  • Set limits.
  • Wanted to get to know a dominant before submitting.
  • Had opinions and—heaven forbid—shared them.
  • Took charge in daily life—especially at work.
  • Preferred to take their time giving over power.
  • Discussed what they are looking for and what turns them on (versus focusing ONLY on the dominant partner).
  • Had standards
  • Held themselves and others accountable.
  • Looked “dominant” (what does that even mean?).

I admit, I wrote the first thumbnail for this class as a defense for masculine-identified submissives who were constantly being told that if they did not act “beta,” dress in women’s clothing, accept pegging, or grovel and lick any woman’s boots that they were not “true” submissives.

Faugh!

However, even as I was writing it, examples were coming to mind of submissives of all genders being told they weren’t “subby enough,” and worse, wondering if it were true, because the more people pushed them that way, the less they felt like opening up to ANYONE.

So, this class was created.

And I’m thrilled to be presenting it for ChristianV and everyone at The Academy.

The FetLife Event link: https://fetlife.com/events/753092

The Academy Website: http://www.academydungeon.com

I hope if you’re in the area, you’ll be able to join me. smiles


Topping From The Bottom, Asshole-ing from the Sidelines and More

Topping From The Bottom

The term “topping from the bottom” is thrown about by Won Twoo Wayists the way that “Did you find everything you were looking for?” is tossed out by grocery store check clerks, and with the sneering disdain usually reserved for the ‘poor, unaware vanillas.’

Submissives and slaves are told, “You’re topping from the bottom. You’re not a real ______!”

But why?

What is this ‘topping from the bottom’, and why is it so heinous a crime?

Let’s rip this shit open!

Urban Dictionary defines topping from the bottom as:

In its basic, literal sense, it means exactly what it says. The person on the bottom is leading the top, thus technically topping from the bottom.

The person on the bottom (submissive/slave) is leading.

Oh mi godz, the horrors!

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