Let’s Debate: Bi- And Switch-Phobia

Content warning: r^pe mentioned.

When I post these debates, I often don’t have an opinion, and I say so.

In this case I do, and I will say so. First, though, I’ll present the idea and the two sides as I see them. I’ll likely do this imperfectly. Just a warning.

Biphobia and switchphobia are not really “fears,” per se, but a pattern of beliefs that makes people less likely to find those who identify as bisexual or as a switch desirable.

There are many reasons/excuses, and some are similar for both bisexuality and switching, while some are different.

I’m going to put the reasons supporting in red below, and responses against those reasons in white.

Bisexuals / Switches will always want more. They will cheat, if necessary, to fulfill that “other” side of them.

People who identify as monogamous cheat all the time, with the same gender. It’s not about their sexuality, it’s about their ethics.

Many people love to engage in multiple activities, and yet, can choose one out of two to give up when they don’t have the time, the resources, or the ability to practice both.

A cheater is a cheater. That has nothing to do with kink role or sexual orientation.

Bisexuals are damaged goods.

They have been tainted, by the touch of whichever genitals YOU don’t approve of.

Does this mean that a person who is raped is now “tainted,” or is it just if they experienced it willingly?

Bisexuals are not “man” or “woman” enough. Switches are not “Dominant” or “submissive” enough for me.

Um, what does their sexuality or kink role have to do with whether they suit your arbitrary gender requirements or mental capacity to lead or follow?

I’ve actually had people in long-term relationships, completely happy with their dominant partner, say, “Oh, yeah. If she suddenly wanted to be a switch, I could no longer see her as a real dominant.”

I’ve heard the same from women about their husbands that they are married to and love: “If I knew he’d had sex with a man, I couldn’t respect or see him as a man any longer.”

I don’t get it. If someone is a “man” or “woman” to you now, how does a sexual encounter change that?

If someone is your dominant (or submissive) now, how does wanting to experience what you experience make them a different person and suddenly not as good at what they’ve been providing you?

Or… perhaps they’ve not been a part of your life yet. How does their sexuality or role determine how they fit with you, if they are willing to have the same relationship style/take the role that you need?

There is more competition for Bisexuals / Switches—they can be attracted to ANYONE.

With the population of this earth, simply cutting it in half(ish) will not significantly cut down on competition.

People are attracted to who they are attracted to. Being bisexual or a switch does not suddenly make them attracted to more (or even more kinds) of people than being straight (or gay) or dominant (or submissive).

Heck, I’ve known bi men into ONE specific sub-type of man and woman, and straight men into every woman they could lay eyes on. I’ll tell you who had more competition.

Same with switches. Some DO love everything, sure. Some are very choosy. Just like anyone else you know.

And here’s the thing: If you’re afraid of competition, it’s YOU that maybe shouldn’t be doing the dating/relationship thing. After all, even if you’re married to the sexually-oriented, perfect kink-role boopsie of your desire, competition is right around the corner.

Better to trust your judgement and your boopsie than try to rely on them having no other viable options.

There is no such thing as a Bisexual / Switch. They are just confused/pretending.

This is called bierasure or switch-erasure. It’s suggesting that sexual orientation and kink roles are binary.

They are not.

But the fear is that they are. That any woman who sleeps with both men and women will eventually leave their woman lover for a man. Or a man who sleeps with women and men will always leave her for a man…

Wait.

is this more misogyny?

Because men RARELY worry that their women will leave them for another woman. That’s the origin of the infamous “One Penis Policy.”

Are dicks magic?

Never mind that. Apparently, society is convinced they are, somehow.

It’s also obvious that some believe that while women occupy a wide spectrum of sexuality, men are either gay or straight, because female bisexuality is WAY more accepted.

My Perspective

I identified as bisexual for a long time. Now, I identify as heteroflexible, simply because I find myself MORE likely to engage with men-identifying people versus women-identifying people (although that was not always the case—up until about 42, I’d had WAY more women sexual partners than men).

I identify as a dominant switch. I am not submissive, although I tried. I switch in activities, though. As I suggested, though, I see my dominance as an innate part of who I am, and a little bit, well, disappointing. After all, I thought I could have it all, and I totally respect those who CAN submit.

What do you think?

  • Is biphobia justified? Is switch-phobia justified?
  • Would you date a bisexual or a switch?
  • Would you have sex with a bisexual or switch?
  • Would you have a serious long-term relationship with a bisexual or a switch?
  • Would it change how you see them, if someone you loved came out to you as bisexual or as a switch?
  • What other phobic or erasure statements have you heard/seen/read on this topic?

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