Dominance is easy.

Dominance is natural.

It isn’t hard or stressful or a chore.

Well, if you’re a dominant, that’s how it should be. Unfortunately, I see a pattern in so many people who choose to self-identify as dominant. A pattern of making dominance more difficult than it is.

They make their job harder than it needs to by not gathering information about their partners. They challenge themselves to be a leader by blustering in and saying, “I have all the answers and I am going to call all the shots!”

They are trying to know it all without listening their subjects. They’re trying to have the perfect answer without even knowing what the question is.

Yes, a dominant leads and calls the shots, but the more you understand those you lead, the better and more consistent your decisions will be.

Why make your job more difficult?

A dominant leader is first and foremost (in my mind) an excellent observer and an attentive listener.

This is what makes a dominant best able to lead. To choose the right reward for behavior. To know which words make them squirm with lust and which cut them harshly in reprimand. To grok their deepest fantasies, and be able to bring them to life in your own style, to tie them to you for now or for forever.

None of this is possible if you don’t pay attention.

You can’t fake it.

In other words, quit trying to be right to your partner all the time.

Focus on understanding what is right for your partner, so you can’t help but embody that as part of your dominance.