I identify as a dominant in my relationships. I switch in play from top to bottom, and everything in between.

I even enjoy the “submissive” (as they are called in ignorance) acts of bedroom play: dirty talk, hypnosis, etc. I love all these things from the top and the bottom. It’s incredibly sexy for me to be able to live the fullness of my life as a woman.

Outside the bedroom, I am in charge in my relationships.

And do you know who most often approaches me in a serious way asking about relationships_real, ongoing, long-term service relationships?

Dominants.

Men who identify as dominant.

Men who have lived decades in charge.

Men who have devoted their lives to being who they thought the people around them wanted them to be, expected them to be.

And who did it well.

Men who really, finally, definitely want to stop being inauthentic, and just be themselves.

I see as much sorrow in men being dominant to make others happy and to fulfill others’ dreams as I do in men submitting to please others.

And it’s not just men, of course.

I’ve seen over and over examples of people who have taken charge because their partners were not stepping up—not from a conscious decision or because it’s who they want to be…

My major relationship going on 6 years now, my Pet, is one of these people.

He has been in charge his whole life. He was thrust into that role. In work. In life.

He felt it was a facade, trying to please the people around him, make people happy.

And when he and I met (at a FemDom party), I KNEW he was not a submissive. Not like many others are. In fact, I figured he didn’t belong there. Was a lookie-loo.

Still, I gave him a chance.

Over the months that followed, I spoke to him about authenticity. I gave him tools. I gave him permission to explore ALL of who he is. His dominant side and his submissive self.

And boy, did he!

Now the joke is that the most dominant man some of my girlfriends know is my submissive.

And believe me, he has earned EVERY BIT of that.

My point is, I don’t care what you’re doing, who you are, what role you choose… to live a truly fulfilling life you have to be 100% authentic. THAT actually takes dominance in life, even when you pledge yourself to another in submission.

And if you think it’s weird, the idea of dominance in submission, think of the strong, dominant authentic men in the military, and how they are often subordinate to those they respect in the chain of command—you’ll get it.

Or think of an incredibly dominant and successful man putting himself under a sensei.

Or a celebrated knight to their monarch.

*Of course, if you believe in the dominance/submission continuum, this will make zero sense to you. Here’s another view: The Dominance / Submission Continuum Is An Incomplete Perspective

What are your thoughts?

Do you believe that dominance and submission are opposites or incompatible in a singular personality?

Do you believe that someone can be both dominant and submissive within one mind, based on the situation or on the people they interact with?

I look forward to your thoughts.