If only they would act more submissive, I could be more dominant.

If only they would show more affection, I could be more loving.

If only they would court me, I’d feel more sexual.

I hear things like this all of the time, and it frustrates me. OF COURSE, if we all had perfect situations and perfect partners, we could be perfect.

Well, I got news for you.

That’s a fantasy world.

Life is full of challenges and stumbles, highs and lows, laughter and pain. It’s not perfect, and that’s part of the beauty.

No one can live that life for you.

No one.

It’s up to you to choose what’s right for you and for those for whom you are responsible. To do what’s right for you (and possibly them), regardless of their behavior.

Are you a dominant? Or are you a dominant only if someone allows you to dominate them?

To me, one is who you are, the other is a play-role you take on.

Do you love them? Or do you only feel affectionate when they act perfectly?

If you love them, show it. Be affectionate because you want to, not just in response to their actions.

Do you want to have sex with them? Or do you only feel sexy when they do something for you?

Either choose to feel sexy with them, or communicate to them how to get you in the mood, so you can both enjoy, or wait around for them to press the right buttons in the right order.

And what if they don’t meet you halfway?

That’s OK.

That’s their choice and their right.

But it doesn’t have to define who you are or how you see yourself. Because you are you, nothing more and nothing less.

Now, if only they would give me the winning ticket for Powerball…