“I just don’t even know where to start!”

I can’t tell you how many times people have said that to me in relation to kink and nonmonogamy.

“There’s so much I want to do and try, and see, and I can’t even figure out what role I am.”

So, don’t figure out a role. If that’s what’s blocking, you, choose ‘exploring,’ or ‘new to this,’ ‘in flux,’ ‘evolving,’ or choose nothing at all.

The kink scene is HUGE. There are SO MANY paths you can take. It can be really hard to know where or how to begin.

Know what? That’s OK. It’s pretty normal, actually.

It’s super easy to feel overwhelmed, especially when you’re new to kink. I know people who went to their first much and sat outside in their car before driving home again without going in (some multiple times).

The truth is: it doesn’t matter where you start. You can start wherever the heck you want, but you just have to start somewhere.

If you’re trying to figure out where to start, here are a few ideas:

• If you’re local to me (in North Carolina), consider joining WINN, a group specifically for newbies. Feel free to search on Fet or Discord or contact me for details. If you’re not local, look up newbie events or groups in your area.
• Dating Kinky has a Discord with daily discussions and amazing people.
• Check out munches or sloshes (pandemic permitting). They are a great way to connect with no pressure.
• Join a class. Dating Kinky holds online classes multiple times per week and they are FREE. You probably also have some local options available to you.
• Join a group. I’ve already mentioned Discord, but there are groups on Facebook and Fet, too. I can point you to a few, including Whips, Chains, and Duct Tape, one of the groups I admin on FB.
• Follow blogs.
• Search for podcasts.
• Watch YouTube videos.
• Post a classified ad.
• Make friends.

And, if you still need some guidance or even a little nudge, shoot us a DM, and we’ll be happy to help you out.

Then, instead of saying “I don’t know where to start,” you can start saying, “I should have started this ages ago!” 😂

What are your thoughts?

For those who are a bit more seasoned in the scene, what are your suggestions for getting started?

For those who are new, what are your questions about getting started?