Psuedo-needs in a relationship.

Psuedo-needs in a relationship.

Sometimes we want something so badly and for so long, without getting it that it becomes what I like to call a pseudo-need.

And these are both fun to play with and dangerous…

In all of my research, no one has ever died from being denied orgasm for a couple of weeks.

And yet, after just one ruined or denied orgasm, the tension can feel like a need. Add another handful on top of that, and well, fun for the dominant!


And, truth be told, the submissive. Or so those I’ve spoken to tell me.

And there are hundreds of ways to play with needs and pseudo needs.

  • Sexual release
  • Bathroom control (temporary)
  • Diet restrictions
  • Exercise regulations or restrictions
  • Sleep deprivation

Of course, when you’re moving into playing with actual needs (sleep, food, water, body functions, etc.), it’s dangerous, and I strongly suggest you know what you’re doing. Find a mentor to show you the safest ways to play.

The danger of a pseudo-need…

When we don’t have a want fulfilled often enough or long enough, we often miss it with a sort of visceral gut-feeling of want and yearning and desire.

Like the desire for a partner.
Or a specific type of play.
Or specific demonstrations of affection in a relationship.

So, we look for it, seek it out.

And it feels deeply like a need.

Which is dangerous because we may do things to get what we need that we would never do to get what we want.

We might be willing to cross lines and do things in service to that want/psuedo-need that we would never do when we are thinking clearly. We may relax our boundaries to get them. Or do things (like pressure others) that we wouldn’t do if our heads were working right.

What are your thoughts?

Have you ever wanted something so much that it felt like a need? That you did things that you later regretted trying to get that desire met?

I’ve found in my life that many things I thought I needed in a relationship, I didn’t even want, once my actual needs were getting met.

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