So, in a lot of writings here on Fet and elsewhere, I constantly see notes about vetting the people you play with and checking references. I even wrote about it.
On another site, a young lady who was new to a town wanted to get some ideas on how best to check the experience of a Dom who was courting her.
She go the usual suggestions, then someone said something along the lines of:
I don’t check references, and I don’t trust people who speak of references. I do just fine on my own, thank you.
Granted, this is not a word-for word, but it does pretty much cover the concept as I read it, which got me thinking. And of course, once one person says something, all the others who are against or just not for references chime is as well.
And they make some valid points. And I thought of some other things that are rarely discussed myself, so I thought I’d write this. Continue reading “Let’s Talk About References…”
So, in PE (Power Exchange) relationships, we all have needs. Knowing what those are and understanding how to get those met is critical.
I’ve read a lot about how dominants should put their subs’ needs first. I think this is backwards and wrong, and I’ll explain why.
First, here is how I believe dominants need to prioritize needs in their relationship:
1. Dominant’s Needs
2. Submissive’s Needs
3. Dominant’s Wants
4. Submissive’s Wants
Let’s look at this. Continue reading “The Needs Hierarchy”
The dominant is responsible for one thing in their relationship:
The entire relationship.
The dominant is responsible for everything in their relationship. How they behave, the results they get, how their sub behaves…
Whoa! Wait just one darned minute here.
Am I off my rocker?
I don’t think so. Let me explain.
Continue reading “The Responsibility Of The Dominant”
Someone said in a conversation I’m in:
Those sort of atitudes, still alive in the 21st century, create a wall of misunderstanding and distrust that every man has to negotiate… <snipped>
And every woman.
Ever been in an argument, and had your partner tell you “I didn’t do X because you would do Y, and I didn’t want that,” and you were standing there wondering who the hell they think you are, because that was NOT your reaction? Continue reading “The Problem With “Women Don’t Want Sex As Much As Men””