That Door? It’s There For You To Leave.

A venn diagram with two circles overlapping. And arrow pointing to the overlap says, "The sweet spot for friendship, love, romance, sexytimes, etc."

I believe in making it easy for people to step out of my life.

If they don’t want to be here with me, they shouldn’t be forced to.

By making it easy to leave, I like to think that it takes away the resentment that comes along with being stuck, and gives us the chance to really dig in and make things happen, with a worst case scenario being “Well, it’s easy to leave.”

And frankly, if someone does not want to be with me, I don’t want them there.

Or rather, I don’t want to force them there. I may want them, of course. Heck, I want a lot of things, but if I learn they don’t want me or like me as much as I like or want them, I don’t want them as hard anymore. Because part of a turn on for me is being liked and wanted. And that’s the sweet spot for me.

It’s about two people. Two sides. A door that goes both in and out.

And if you’re not ready to leave, but we’re not in the sweet spot? I’m cool with that, too. Let’s find another kind of relationship, where we are both on the same page, enjoying what we have together, in the sweet spot.

But if you’re wanting more than I do, and you won’t stop pushing me, or if you give me an ultimatum, or if you want me to chase you to validate your feelings, or whatever?

That’s what that door is there for. Use it.

Yes, Your Feelings Are Absolutely Valid. Period. Full Stop.

A cute hedgehog saying, "Your feelings are valid, important, and deserve to be taken seriously. You are worthy and you deserve to be happy and healthy."

Your feelings are valid.

So are theirs.

Everyone’s feelings are valid.

Their behavior and actions may be unreasonable, even reprehensible. Their feelings are not. Same with yours.

Your feelings, your sadness, your anger, your frustrations—these are all valid.

Let me say that again:

Your feelings, your sadness, your anger, your frustrations—these are all valid.

Using your feelings to bully or silence others. Using them to justify belittling others. Using them as a weapon against others…

Well, that’s just bullshit.

CC: Emm Roy

You Have To Love Yourself Before You Can Love Others

Bullshit.
Hogwash.
Poppycock.
Balderdash.
Bunkum.
Hooey.

This is the worst sort of trite, mealy mouth, feel-good-pat-yourself-on-the-back, self-congratulatory crap, ever.

ANYONE can love. It’s simple.

And loving yourself has nothing to do with it.

The thing that makes this crapulous lie seem truthful is that if you don’t love yourself, you’ll probably not be very good at setting a value on yourself. You might act desperate for love.

Most people will react to that poorly. Because if you don’t value you and your personal boundaries, and you have to live with you every moment of your life, then how could you value me and my boundaries?

It can be done.

It happens ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

But it’s in our heads that it can’t. Because someone who was loved told you that, and you believed it. Because it’s easier to believe that than to tell them they are full of caca, and full of themselves, besides.

And as long as you believe that shite, you are buying into the idea that if you are not 100% social-media-perfect, you are not deserving of love, and that those who have love have their poo-poo WAY more together than you, you worthless sack of self love.

And THAT, is the most fucked up thing of all.

How do you trust?

How Do You Trust?

“My favorite definition of trust, which I read in a novel years ago: Trust is the residue of kept agreements.” —Jay Wiseman

This resonates with me, yet I find it lacking. I find trustworthy people inherently trust more. Whose agreements? Mine or theirs?

Because there are people I immediately do not trust. Call it intuition, snap judgment, whatever you want. And keeping an agreement will not really change that. I can’t remember a time I’ve ever changed my mind about trusting someone I who struck me as untrustworthy when I first met them. Continue reading “How do you trust?”