Ever Wanted To Be Less Shy?

Black and white image of a young person hiding behind their hands.

In my view, shyness is like a weak “outgoing” muscle.

The only way to fix it is to work it out, taking it past it’s boundaries over and over and over again, until it’s built up. And, like anyone who’s ever worked out will tell you, there is some pain.

You just have to take chances. Small ones and large ones. And take the consequences.

And that will make you mentally strong. Continue reading “Ever Wanted To Be Less Shy?”

Thing Is… People DO Make Assumptions

A projector in a dark room with the words "It'a called projection."

Last August I wrote a piece about how saying “I don’t do drama,” pretty much guarantees that people will assume you’re a primary source for it.

And a lot of people agreed.

They may be wrong, sure.

But they will assume it. Because of experience with so many others who say the same thing, then cause as much drama as possible.

It’s one of those things that is true MOST of the time in my experience.

Not all of the time. Continue reading “Thing Is… People DO Make Assumptions”

I Live My Life In Stories

A piece of paper in a typewriter with the words, "Once Upon a Time."

Not just because I’m a writer, although that certainly exacerbates it.

Something happens, and I build my stories around it… some call them memories. I like ‘stories.’ It has a nice ring.

ANYONE I interact with is part of my stories. You may see yourself in one. It may even be about you. However, I’ll say that’s rare.

By the time I write about something, usually the inspiration has been past for months. And what I’ve written is usually sufficiently generic that it can cover any of a half-dozen situations, because it’s become a story.

A story I tell myself about things, to help me explain my world. Continue reading “I Live My Life In Stories”

The 2% Chance…

A circle with "2%" inside.

My Pet is my first cuckold.

Coming off two relationships totaling 20 years of my life, who both claimed to be poly, and instead were jealous and possessive, I was skeptical.

And even without that skepticism, I’ve always known that fantasies are fantasies for a reason, and reality is often NOT the same thing…

So, even though we’d talked for about 6 months about what he thought about cuckolding, and I’d teased him with some scenarios, when I decided to go through with it, to plan it, execute it, and SURPRISE him with it…

I knew it could go horribly wrong. Continue reading “The 2% Chance…”

Poly Is Not Non-Stop Orgies (Poly Is Not, Part XV)

Illustration from De Figuris Veneris by Édouard-Henri Avril overlaid with a dark screen and a restricted sign on top.

Although, for some people, it may be orgies once in a while.

It’s not dating many multiples of blissful, exciting people. Except for when it is.

It’s not never being lonely. It’s often not being lonely. Sometimes it’s even needing space, and being alone.

It’s not jetsetting around the world footloose and fancy free. Sometimes it is.

It’s more often figuring out childcare and working around busy work schedules and life…

Just multiplied in complexity. Continue reading “Poly Is Not Non-Stop Orgies (Poly Is Not, Part XV)”

Why “WHY?” Is A Sucky Question…

A pencil writing "why?" on a piece of lined paper.

…to others or to yourself:

  • It doesn’t solve anything or change behaviors.
  • It is often interpreted as “explain/defend yourself.”
  • We are not logical creatures. In fact, it’s been proven that we often create the “why” after the fact as justification for ourselves.
  • There is not always a discoverable answer.
  • If it is discoverable, rarely can it impact what you need to do/change now.
  • It’s too open-ended, and without parameters, so often leaves people at a loss for an answer, yet under pressure to offer one.

I call why “mental masturbation.” Continue reading “Why “WHY?” Is A Sucky Question…”

Let’s Debate: Bi- And Switch-Phobia

The bisexual flag with the word "BOTH" overlaid.

Content warning: r^pe mentioned.

When I post these debates, I often don’t have an opinion, and I say so.

In this case I do, and I will say so. First, though, I’ll present the idea and the two sides as I see them. I’ll likely do this imperfectly. Just a warning.

Biphobia and switchphobia are not really “fears,” per se, but a pattern of beliefs that makes people less likely to find those who identify as bisexual or as a switch desirable.

There are many reasons/excuses, and some are similar for both bisexuality and switching, while some are different. Continue reading “Let’s Debate: Bi- And Switch-Phobia”

The IDEA of D/s

A cartoon person with a myriad of ideas floating around his head, including D/s, a candle, handcuffs, rope and more.

Hanging out with kinsters, reading FetLife, dating freaky folk, eventually it often comes to a point where it all seems so… mundane. So unimpressive.

Don’t worry.

That’s quite normal.

After all, humans see patterns in everything, and we are always relating it to ourselves, so we get used to even the most bizarre ideas, exposed to enough of them.

And frankly, real life often falls short of what we read, so often, it’s easier to just fall in love with an idea of something, rather than do what it takes to search for and find the tangible. Continue reading “The IDEA of D/s”

What Is The Source Of Your Frustration?

A cartoon lady looking quite frustrated.

If you feel frustrated with or have resentment towards another person not living up to who you think they should be, you are likely in a covert contract, and need to rethink your path, clearing it of entitlement and non-consensual expectations.

Communicate. Set personal boundaries. Act.


If you are frustrated with yourself because you want to be good at something and you know you can do better than you have been, then you are on the right track.

You could probably lighten up on yourself, but you are on the right track.