Touch Is Not My Love Language, But It Is My Core

Two hands outstretched and clasped as for the Tango.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a very sexy person. A person who I wanted to touch. A lot. In happy ways, in dirty ways, and in ways that combine the two feelings to great effect.

And I did, some. There was a touch here for emphasis, a touch there just because. A hug started our meeting, and a wonderful hug (accompanied by a bit of growling) finished it.

And it was wonderful. Continue reading “Touch Is Not My Love Language, But It Is My Core”

Ask Your Friends When They Want You To Lie To Them

The words: Ask Culture V. Guess Culture

Have you ever done this?

I mean, in kink, we ask near-strangers which pronouns they want us to use, or what gets them off, but the things we assume FAR outweigh the things we get concrete information for.

On my calendar for today was a topic about “Ask” versus “Guess” cultural behavior, and as I followed my referenced links (one of my own and one to a comment on a writing that had, in turn been linked to in a comment on one of my writings), I was reminded of a conversation I was having yesterday.

Continue reading “Ask Your Friends When They Want You To Lie To Them”

TPE Does NOT Equal Abdication Of Responsibility, To Me

Total Power Exchange

Women think I’m weird because I seek to never make decisions.

To be honest, a man (or any gender) that never makes decisions is not what I want in the formation of a relationship, either.

I require a partner who can prove he is equal to me in most ways (superior in some), who brings more value to my life than he sucks out.

I would never consider making all the decisions in a relationship until I’ve had at least a year (more likely 2-3 years) with someone, and I know that we have a good foundation for a deeper commitment to FLR.

Continue reading “TPE Does NOT Equal Abdication Of Responsibility, To Me”

Writing Prompt: Avoid False Friendship At All Costs

Avoid False Friends

“Avoid false friendship at all costs.”

I agree.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

Stop and think about that for a few moments.

The people we surround ourselves with help us sort right from wrong, ethical from unethical, and desirable from undesirable.

So, surrounding ourselves with people who don’t like us (but pretend to) is also exposing ourselves to people who are duplicitous as a matter of course.

We are also exposing ourselves to a normal that may include other thought patterns beyond base deception.

So, yeah, avoid false friends.

But let’s take it a step beyond.

Continue reading “Writing Prompt: Avoid False Friendship At All Costs”

I’m Looking For A Sub Who Will Challenge Me

Help Wanted: Sex Slave

I’m looking for a submissive. A sub who will challenge me. A sub who isn’t afraid to speak their mind, except on the topics of household chores, my sexual gratification, politics, or whether Tim Roth is the hottest ugly dude ever.

In other words, a submissive who knows their own mind, and isn’t afraid to speak up, just not while I’m trying to read, while I’m shopping for clothes, during dinner, when we’re out hiking, or just before bed. Actually, I’d prefer they hold that thought until the prearranged time for such things every week.

Which, to be fair, sometimes conflicts with social stuff, and gets put off. But for only a week. Or three. Or whatever. I mean, it’s not that big a deal.

I’m looking for a submissive who’s guided by their personal ethics and morality, but never questions my habits or decisions—is that too much to ask for?

Continue reading “I’m Looking For A Sub Who Will Challenge Me”

Consent: What Is Legal? What Is Right?

Consent: Legal, Illegal / Ethical, Unethical

CW: Non-consent, etc.

I got a message a while back that I thought could make a fascinating post:

There is a gap between behavior that is unkind and behavior that is unallowable (ie, illegal.) My question, is which camp does consent fall into? I have always had the understanding that saying your consent was violated was pretty much equivalent to saying you were raped. However, I see people use the term consent violation to describe behavior that doesn’t require getting consent. Initially I just assumed they were wrong, but I see it enough that I think perhaps I am wrong.

Continue reading “Consent: What Is Legal? What Is Right?”

What If Hypocrisy…

A dial showing hypocrisy climbing.

…is most often just a sign that someone is in the throes of change?

I mean, yeah, there are politicians (and others) who build an entire life on hypocrisy, and that’s worth considering.

However, I don’t think MOST people intend to speak one way and do another, but often their thought evolution fast outpaces their habitual behaviors and there is a disconnect.

And it’s a key point, if this is what’s happening.

Because if we castigate them for what they are DOING wrong, we could halt or harm that progress. While praising them (or at least responding positively to them) for thinking the right (or in our eyes better) thing could strengthen and speed up that journey of change.

Just a Monday thought.

CC BY-SA, flickr/paloetic

Writing Prompt: Feminism In Today’s World—OR—Why “Feminism” As A Word Is Tainted, In My Opinion

Feminism: Graffiti on a wall in Jamaica shows a woman chasing a man with a club.

A friend sent me this video a few days back:

It’s a good one. Eliza VanCort obviously knows her shit, and as a communication geek, I picked up a few ways of thinking and speaking about communication that I didn’t have before.

Some of the video made me cringe, though.

Continue reading “Writing Prompt: Feminism In Today’s World—OR—Why “Feminism” As A Word Is Tainted, In My Opinion”

Don’t Judge. Refuse To Be Judged.

A photo of a gavel with the words, "I Refuse!" overlaid.

And part of refusing to be judged is knowing you are not judging.

Hmmm. That sounds awkward, but what I’m trying to say is that if you are silently judging everyone else, then you will feel, deep inside, that it’s OK to judge, and you’ll accept their judgment of you more readily.

So, don’t judge.

Or, at least be aware of your judging, and really pay attention to what you judge and why.

Because what you judge will affect what you are willing to be judged on, yourself.