On External Influence To A Relationship…

An m/w couple is cuddling on the couch, while another woman looks on with a dangerous expression.

@TheDemonPrince commented in an earlier writing posted on FetLife:

I have found this an eye opening experience in that very few people seem to give a shit about how they can impact someone else’s relationship.

That actually makes me sad to read.

It’s hard to explain why, from my perspective, because the comment is obviously written from a completely different perspective than the one I have about relationships, but let me see if I can try.

TLDR

Whosoever acts against me is held accountable for their actions. Never a third party.

Continue reading “On External Influence To A Relationship…”

Let’s Debate: The Responsibility Of The Dominant

The word everything in script.

WARNING: This is a long one, and I am very specifically taking a side in this one, then offering my reasoning up for debate and picking apart.

I’ve had several conversations in the past week in which the original writing I did on the responsibility of a dominant has been relevant:

The Responsibility Of The Dominant

@thewiz11 commented, and as I was replying, I realized it would be a good debate piece, allowing me to dig deeper into the meat of what this means to me, in my life, and defend my view against any and all comers.

Before I go there, though, let me explain something.

This is how I live my life. This is what the role of dominant means to me. It may not be what dominant means to you, and that’s cool. I’ve written a lot about dominance and submission and how they are sliding scales and how there is no WON TWOO WAY™ that works for everyone. YMMV.

That’s important. smiles I’m offering this up for debate to proof my convictions, and to allow others to take apart my points, if you so choose.

Continue reading “Let’s Debate: The Responsibility Of The Dominant”

No, I Won’t Stop Talking To Your Sub

Two red hand prints, one with a white "N", the other with a white "O", spelling "No."

Hi – As one Domme to another, might I enlist your support to please refrain contact with my cuckold and husband, “SubUserNameHere.” He is collared, tattooed and owned by me – and he has been very dishonest and naughty.

I’ve gotten messages like this before, so many times. So, I’m going to answer publicly, to set the record straight:

As one dom to another, no, I won’t refrain from contact if your sub reaches out.

There are several reasons for this:

1. I answer EVERYONE that sends me a message. This is my personal code.

Continue reading “No, I Won’t Stop Talking To Your Sub”

Do It Anyway…

A Post-It™ note that has "Just Do It!" handwritten on it.

What do I do when I want to speak up, but I’m afraid of rejection?

I’d love to go to that kinky event, but I have no one to go with me.

I’ve put myself out there, and I’ve been insulted over and over. I’m afraid of doing it again.

I’ve gotten comments like this, messages, had these conversations…

My reply is always:

Do it, anyway.

Continue reading “Do It Anyway…”

The Missed Benefits Of Argument…

Two men arguing.

I feel like people have lost the art of argument.

Or maybe many just never had it at all.

It’s not about convincing others or forcing them to your will, for me. Never has been.

Sometimes, it’s about being there for those who are watching, especially online.

But for me, a lot of the time argument/discussion helps me figure out if my opinions are any good.

If I can defend my thoughts, back them up, support them, counter others’ points… then I have a clue that it’s well thought out and possibly accurate.

So many people consider any disagreement with their opinions as some sort of personal attack or offense, instead of a valuable service provided free of charge by the world to help them become better people.

I tell people all the time that I LOVE when people disagree with me, as it allows me to see new ways of thinking, believing and understanding the world (even when I think they are wrong). It makes me a better person for knowing and makes my own arguments (for myself and with others) stronger.

Just some food for thought this morning.

Do you welcome arguments as a way to grow? Or do you avoid them or take offense?

Beyond Non-Consent…

A man in a black suit, white shirt and yellow tie looking comically surprised at what look to be a woman's hands wrapped around him groping him from behind.

I see a lot of complaints about how society has made it a crime to “even smile at a woman,” and the like.

Usually from men, but not always.

Usually whining, but not always.

And I wonder how this is so difficult to understand.

Then, I realize that it’s not so much the initial act that’s a problem. A touch without consent is really not such a big deal. A smile or a wink without consent is easy to deal with. A question asking for consent is simple…

But that is rarely where it ends.

Continue reading “Beyond Non-Consent…”

What Would You Do If The Bird Does Not Sing?

A piece of Japanese art showing a bird flying through flowers.

Oda Nobunaga said “Kill it if it does not sing.”
Tokugawa Ieyasu said “Wait until it sings.”
Toyotomi Hideyoshi said “Make it want to sing.”

Make it want to sing.

Pretty powerful stuff.

When you’re having trouble in your relationships, which path do you take?

Do you enter into battle?
Do you avoid the issue, or wait for it to correct itself?
Do you inspire others?

On Overwhelm

A vintage 1950s-style lady with a big smile pointing to the words, "I smile to hide how completely overwhelmed I am."

My whole life, I’ve been a doer.

I’ve taken the road less traveled, I’ve gone out and experienced things. I’ve really LIVED. One of my mottos is “Busy is better than bored,” and in fact, I’m not sure I know what bored is.

There is always so much to do.

Sometimes, it seems like there’s too much.

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed.

And it’s not like there is a super-obvious reason. I mean, yeah, I have a million things going on. I always do. I always have. Nothing has changed there.

Continue reading “On Overwhelm”