I Was Told Today…”50 Years Ago Folks Didn’t Do Anal”

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

This young man also proceeded to tell me that cunnilingus:

“puts guys in a women s position”

and that

“it’s just now becoming a norm.”
“I feel it’s new.”
“Men in the decade have just started doing it”

Let me tell you something here. This young man grew up in a religious family who adhered to the Bible.

I wonder if they’d torn out the Song of Solomon, LOL!

About anal, he also had this to say:

“In this generation ideas. Changing”

I replied, “Nothing is changing. You shits think you’re fucking discovering shit. Puh-leeeeeease. This is old as the fucking hills. It’s not new.”

Of course, that’s when he hits me with the 50 years line.

Fuuuuuuck! I mean, really.

When we were in Spain this past week, Pet and I had the honor and pleasure of spending a day in the La Mancha region with two amazing men. One gave us a hiking tour with some history of the region, and he and I got into a discussion about a dear friend of mine (now passed) who had done some amazing work of researching and documenting homosexual pairings in the Spanish Armada and piracy.

Gay Spanish pirates!

(Oh, but only in the past 50 years, of course! LOL!)

I mean, this boy has never heard of the Romans?

Or even (again) in his own bible?

Or, I dunno, done even a tiny bit of research of his own?

This is a bright young man, listening to people who have convinced him that:

“Since women make all the rules of sex relationships love they own it and men have no say just blindly follow ass.”

It saddens me for this boy and our friendship, and for his future prospects at happiness. Deeply.

NOTE: I don’t believe men should have to eat pussy. In fact, I wrote about that more than 5 years ago: My Perspective: Why Guys Should Not Be Required To Go Down On Girls

When Good People Snap

I spent 22 years working with dogs as an enthusiastic amateur dog trainer. I worked in obedience, Rally, Agility, showing, rescue and rehab.

I did it for fun, and because I loved dogs.

And it made me a better human, too.

In fact, I learned a lot about humans from dogs and dog training. One thing I learned from Jean Donaldson in her book The Culture Clash, was about “The Bite Threshold.”

The idea is that even good dogs bite when pushed far enough.

And as people with dogs, it’s our responsibility to learn to see when “far enough” is coming too near.

To learn our dogs’ stress levels, and what adds to those levels, and see when it’s piling on and becoming too much.

For some dogs, their stress tolerance level is fairly low.

For others, it’s quite high.

However, add up enough stress, and dogs will hit the red zone where they are highly likely to bite. They may not. They may growl, or raise their hackles, or run and hide, or do ANYTHING except bite. Or they may not. Especially if running is not an option, or cowering is not making the stressor go away.

Continue reading “When Good People Snap”

I’ll Say The “C” Word Whenever I Want!

And I’ll be right.

You see, I read this piece a while back:

Please, not the C word

Where the author says that if they never hear the “C Word,” chemistry, in reference to relationships again, they’ll be happy.

“Like, ever.”

Then, they go on to give six banal reasons someone might feel chemistry.

Except for, you know, actual chemistry.

Continue reading “I’ll Say The “C” Word Whenever I Want!”

Healthy Boundaries: Oversharing

Back in March, I wrote about healthy boundaries in emotional intimacy, and talked a bit about “too soft” boundaries and oversharing.

I did not define oversharing—which led to some interesting conversations in the comments—because, to me, it’s a very simple thing.

of course, if I’d paused for a moment and thought about it, I would have easily realized that others might take a different view.

So, let’s discuss oversharing.

o·ver·share

/ˈōvərˌSHer/
verb
reveal an inappropriate amount of detail about one’s personal life.

A simple enough definition that I think we can all get behind.

The confusion that arose from my writing was not in that particular definition, but more along the lines of ‘Who gets to decide what is inappropriate?’

And THAT is the key to healthy boundaries, in my view.

I had said:

People with soft intimacy boundaries tell way too much too soon about their personal lives, often either scaring people off or signaling they are vulnerable to less-than-pure intentions.

They are commonly referred to as “oversharers.”

It’s more than that, though, because there are many ways to be open and transparent without necessarily having weak intimacy boundaries.

It’s often a combination of oversharing AND making themselves overly vulnerable to people who have not yet matched their level of investment and disclosure in a relationship.

In how I wrote this, I realize that I did not make clear my stance on this.

Oversharing, to me, is something that an individual must decide for themself.

In other words, no one else gets to determine whether you’ve overshared.

They might get to say it made them uncomfortable. Or that they were disgusted. Sure. But that you overshared? Nope. That’s not for them to decide.

At least in the way I’m using the word in relation to healthy boundaries.

Because healthy boundaries are about what you feel comfortable sharing and how vulnerable you can be at any given time, appropriate to the situation.

And only you can decide that.

For example, last week, someone told me that I told them too much about a situation with a mutual friend.

To them, it was too much.

I was surprised. I didn’t tell any salacious details, and they had solicited the conversation by bringing up the topic.

They felt I overshared.

I thought about it, and I don’t feel I did. If they felt uncomfortable, well, I can certainly respect that.

  • I did not violate any of my healthy boundaries.
  • I did not make myself more vulnerable than the relationship could account for.
  • I do not regret saying what I said.
  • It was done in a kinky space, not where vanillas or kids could overhear.
  • I did not violate another’s right to privacy.

The thing is, some people are closer to the surface than others. Some people speak their minds with less filter. Or without as much politesse. Or with less “fakeness,” as some might call it.

Take your pick. It may be a bit of everything.

I don’t think that being more open than most is inherently a negative thing, or should be classified automatically as oversharing.

Unless it violates your personal boundaries.

Unless you find yourself often thinking, “Ugh. I shouldn’t have said that. Why do I always say too much.”

THEN, you have overshared, because you have hurt yourself and put yourself into a position of regretting what you’ve said.

What are YOUR thoughts?

I know what I’m presenting is a different way of looking at this word than is commonly used. I’m presenting this primarily for the use in defining healthy boundaries, not for every life situation everywhere (work spaces, for example often have very different rules).

That said, do you agree? Disagree? I’d love to hear your thoughts.