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Pet Peeve: The “Look at my butthole! Just LOOK AT IT!” Avatar

Pet Peeve: The “Look at my butthole! Just LOOK AT IT!” Avatar

Let me be clear: I totally get that I'm on a kinky site. I'm on A LOT of kinky sites, and have been longer than many people have known kink existed, or that kinky sites were a thing. Before that, it was Village Voice personals and the like for me.And, of course, in...

It’s Not About The L-Word

It’s Not About The L-Word

Someone who I did not know well told me last year that they could tell I loved them. I replied that that statement made me uncomfortable. I also noted that many of their pronunciations in the past also did not fit well with me, or accurately portray my thoughts. They...

A Domme By Any Other Name Would Still Smell As…Foul?

A Domme By Any Other Name Would Still Smell As…Foul?

I had a conversation recently with someone on a kink site that has stuck in my mind, and bothered me a bit. Not so much for myself. But for those who perhaps run afoul of some of the nasties in kink, or those who do their “research” through internet memes and stories...

Today, I seriously considered faking it. Do you? Ever?

Today, I seriously considered faking it. Do you? Ever?

And no, I don’t mean orgasms. I can’t remember that I’ve ever done that. I’ve been lucky in that department. Maybe too lucky, sometimes. You see, today, I seriously considered playing dead. Faking that I was done and out of pleasure to be had, because my partner was...

Start As You Mean To Continue, In Vignettes

Start As You Mean To Continue, In Vignettes

One night last year, I met a kinkster from out of town for some tea and chat, and the topic of making a real connection came up. I said that if you aren't open and honest from the beginning about who you are, you're crippling your potential relationship. The moment...

Androgyny, Me? NOPE.

Androgyny, Me? NOPE.

https://www.idrlabs.com/gender-coordinates/73.33-62.5/result.php I've been seeing these things. A friend's test inspired me to take mine. I don't feel Androgynous. I am feminine. I may have "traditionally" masculine traits, but what does that even effing mean? Because...

Love Without (Non-Negotiated) Expectations

Love Without (Non-Negotiated) Expectations

I've been writing. And editing. A lot. Not as much as I should be. In fact, this COVID things has had me in a bit of a slump and I’m behind. But I’ve written over 500,000 words this year so far, in books and blogs and classes and writings, and more. And I have a lot...

The Lie Of “But You Are So Strong…”

Years ago, someone asked me what they should do about a relationship issue. I asked a few questions, listened to the answers, then said, "You know what you need to do." Their reply was, "Easy for you to say. I can't do that." "If I can do it, you can do it," I...

I don’t want you to do the dishes…

I don’t want you to do the dishes…

I want you to WANT to do the dishes! LOL! 

One of my favorite lines from The Breakup (link). Back in 2013, I had this conversation with a guy I met on POF. The background: Natural sexual energy up the wazoo, a bit of gunshy-ness from a recent previous relationship,...

A case for dating profiles that allow others to self-deselect.

A case for dating profiles that allow others to self-deselect.

I often talk about dating online as creating profiles that specifically rule out people that you would be incompatible with, or don’t desire to connect with. I’m positively entranced with the concept and use it religiously. A friend of mine who often creates amazing...

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