Yes. It’s true. At least according to Cosmo.
The study gathered 810 men to read a story where they had to imagine an “attractive woman” either did or did not orgasm during sex with them. Each man was then asked to rate their sexual esteem and the extent to which they’d feel “masculine” after experiencing the scenario. The results are what you’d expect: Men felt more masculine and felt high self esteem when they imagined a woman orgasmed during sex with them. “These results suggest that women’s orgasms do function — at least in part — as a masculinity achievement for men,” researchers wrote.
They go on to say that men are making women’s orgasms all about them, and it’s misogynistic and wrong, mmkay?
Man giving women orgasms BAD.
In the same article, they complain that men have more orgasms than women AND complain that they take pleasure in giving orgasms.
So, I teach a class about orgasms for all genders. And I encourage everyone to want to give more orgasms.
However, I also note that people orgasm differently. Some take a lot of time, some do not. Some don’t orgasm every time, but really enjoy the process, some orgasm many multiples of times. There are fast food orgasms and gourmet orgasms. Mental and physical. Genital and non-genital.
So, let’s be clear:
Wanting to give orgasms is GOOD.
When that person wants an orgasm.
Feeling good about helping others feel good is GOOD.
Because it’s a happy thing to be happy because others are happy.
Pressuring ANYONE (male, female, NB, whomever) to have an orgasm is BAD.
It’s bad if you pressure them because you know they can and you want them to.
It’s bad if you pressure them because you need to feel good about yourself and your skillsets. Like orgasms are your gift to bestow upon another, a passive “receiver of the Os.”
It’s bad if you pressure them. Period. Full stop.
Personally, I love the feeling I get when I give an orgasm.
I also love withholding, as I choose within a consensual relationship.
I love the power of taking someone over the edge.
Yes, I know they can do it themselves. I know very few people who cannot orgasm more quickly and efficiently on their own.
But there is nothing to me like orgasming with a partner, with their touch that is familiar or unfamiliar, or surprising, or just… different.
I like my partners to enjoy orgasm with me over orgasm alone. Because I love to be a part of their pleasure.
And I like my partners (men and otherwise) to ENJOY giving me orgasms. Their need and desire for my pleasure pushes me over the top.
I don’t require them to hate my pleasure for it to be all about me. I don’t subscribe to that brand of feminism or FemDommery.
What are your thoughts?