This writing is inspired by two writings coming at a single quote from different points of view (FetLife Links):
Here is the quote:
“If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy. … Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
It’s attributed to Bob Marley. Some people content that, but I have found a few sources online that suggest he said it, so I’ll go with that. Here is an example: goodreads
I like this quote, and I understand it in my own way differently than I see others interpreting it.
Rather than “easy” to get into bed, get along with, going or to get to know, I see this as a message that the amazing woman for YOU (whomever the quote is speaking to) will not be easy for everyone, or even easy for you at first, in the sense that she values herself.
You may, in fact be every one of those things. For the most part, so am I, or so I’d like to think.
And yet, I am not that to everyone equally. I love sex, but I do not give it to just anyone who asks. I bet you don’t either. I give it to those who I feel worthy of it.
Worthy in the sense of driving the right car, or performing the greatest acrobatics? Of course not, but worthy by my own sense of values.
And you know what? It’s not easy to be that person. It’s a result of many choices made through life. So, being that one for me for a period of time is not easy, because you will have had to made the right character decisions in the past to be that person now.
As far as “If she’s worth it, you won’t give up, if you give up, you’re not worthy,” I see this as part of the long-term relationship struggle. I have had four long-term relationships in my life that have taken up just over half of my 40 years.
They are easy in many ways, but when they are not, it is easy to give up. When the going gets tough, the tough stick it through.
Not to make something work that doesn’t, but because something amazing is worth it.
Those who choose the easy path are not worthy to me. That’s not the same thing as a person or a relationship not being a good fit. That is not often an easy truth to face.
And the truth is, everyone you allow to get close to you IS going to hurt you. Not intentionally, although sometimes it will even be that (both physically, as many of us here enjoy, and mentally, when lashing out in their own pain), but they WILL hurt us.
They will also cause us the most amazing joy.
But every long-term relationship has some pain and suffering, because we are human, and not perfect. Because we cannot read minds. Because we misunderstand, and take hurt where none was intended, or give hurt where we meant to soothe.
Every person that we let get close has the power to hurt us, and if they stay close long enough, they will. It’s a fact.
Over the long run, the people who hurt us more than they heal us and cause us joy will likely be left behind as incompatible. The people who are amazing, who are worth the temporary insanities, the shouting matches, the tears (together or apart), will stick it through, and grow with you as people, learning, and becoming more as friends and lovers.
There are many people on this site reading this quote as slut-shaming. I believe it is open to interpretation.
Maybe Bob Marley did mean it that way. We cannot definitively know at this point.
However, why interpret it that way to yourself, even if that was the intention?
Ask yourself why your mind takes you down that path from such a simple and profound statement, and ask yourself why you are hurt or offended by it before blaming others for sharing and enjoying something you do not.
Why let a quote from someone you don’t know cause you discomfort, anger, or even pain, when YOU have the power to interpret it to fit your life’s needs and take away self-confidence, strength, and joy?
Why not choose to take the best from the world, and be the best in return, whether you let a quote define you or not.
In closing, I guess this is a writing about two things:
- Another viewpoint on this quote.
- Understanding and learning from my own negative reactions to words on a computer screen.
I posted this to share, obviously, or I would have kept it to myself. However, you, dear reader, have a right to all of your opinions as well. And hey, I’d love to read them if you’d like to share, because hey, you are all pretty damn amazing.