What is Dominance?

What is Dominance?

I don’t pretend to have the answer. I have my own ideas, that constantly shift and grow with me and my experiences, of course, but I don’t think there is one true answer that suits everyone.

Last night, we had our first Monthly Kink and Non-Fiction Book Club meeting, and on a whim, I decided to audio record the discussion to share. It’s not high-end sound, but it is enough to follow the conversation, and get a feel for a mix of Dominants, switches and submissives talking from various levels of experience about what their thoughts and opinions of dominance are.

Right Click and “Save As…” to download the 1 1/2 hours of discussion, or just click and listen, after it’s had some time to load.

What is Dominance? MP3

And here are the two Creative Commons PDF books mentioned during the discussion:

How to Fuck A Woman’s Brains Out – Thorndaddy

Diary of an S&M Romance – Dollie Llama

Here are the questions we asked and answered:

  • What is the difference between dominance and controlling behavior?
  • Do you equate dominance with being a leader? Leading privately or publicly, or both?
  • What makes a person non-dominant to you?
  • How much of what dominants do is ordering someone to do something?
  • How much is fostering a desire in their partners to do what pleases them?
  • What are the personality characteristics of a good Dominant?
  • Do Dominants need to be a specific age for you to trust them? Why?
  • What is the difference between a Dominant and a Top? What about a Dominant and an Alpha? Or a Dominant and an Alpha?
  • Can a Dominant bottom? Are the best Dominants or Tops ones who have bottomed?
  • A Dom’s priorities, agree or disagree?
  1. Her Needs
  2. His Needs
  3. His WANTS
  4. Her WANTS
  • Who are your favorite Dominant personalities from film or TV?

Thanks to:


for joining me and helping me eat the HUGE amount of food I cooked, and given their insight into this topic. I changed some of my opinions on dominance, and clarified others thanks to these wonderful people.

I’d love to hear your thoughts as well, either after listening or just reading through the discussion questions and giving your feedback. More replies and differences of opinion add up to a better living definition, IMNSHO.


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