Because I’m The Dom, That’s Why!

Because I’m The Dom, That’s Why!

The title is in honor of MsLiza from Community_House.

Someone in a discussion said these things:

The majority of dominant women are happy to reject traditional gender norms on the one hand while embracing them on the other (expecting chivalry, etc).

They want to be in charge, but they don’t want the responsibility of initiating conversations or the possibility of being rejected. That would hurt their oh-so-strong-and-powerful feelings.

It’s really quite tiresome to me personally. If I wanted conventional gender norms I’d date vanilla. It saddens me to see how many women out there claim to thwart traditional gender roles but only do so in tiny, ultra-specific contexts and the rest of the time march in lockstep to heteronormative, sex-negative, slut-shaming, male-devaluing mainstream culture.

I mean, is it that fucking hard to buy a dude some flowers once in a while? Is it that hard to act like the label you like to wear so much and go start a conversation?

Your post is spot on for me in a lot of ways… Here are my thoughts.

I do generally wait for a man to approach me—ONLINE.

There are just too many profiles to weed through, although there is the rare exception, and I tend to enjoy in-person interactions more, anyway.

In person, I am often the approacher, although not always. Maybe 50/50 there.

In relationships, the actual sexual “aggressing” is also about 50/50, including the mental interaction about sex and fantasy.

I initiate and lead the discussions about emotions and personal needs fulfillment about 75% of the time. And not just my own. I need to know theirs, and understand it.

I enjoy being courted. I require it. However, I also enjoy pampering and doing things for the men/subs in my life. Instead of flowers, I get them gifts I know they’ll like: a cool keychain, a tee they mentioned, a book related to a project they are working on, I’ll make them a special dinner, or dress in an awesome outfit they will find uber sexy.

And because I value them, I do this. Part of the reason I value them is because they have shown me their value in the relationship. I don’t value males I’m not in a relationship with or don’t know anymore than I value others I’m not in a relationship with or don’t know.

Yeah, some women are exactly as the picture you paint. They want it all, without reciprocity.

Some have accused me of the exact same things (and prostitution) when I joked that boys “tribute” me with silly socks.

Here’s the thing, though: I get to choose how I want my relationship. Because I am the Dom.

You don’t like how I run it?

Cool. I’m OK with that. Move on, and I will do the same, wishing you all the best in fulfilling your personal fantasies, while I fulfill mine.

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