I’ve always thought Meatloaf had it backwards.
“I want you. I love you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever going to need you…”
THAT’S how I always thought it should go.
- I need air.
- I need food.
- I need water.
I don’t need another human being to survive. To be happy. To work. To love. To live.
Never have I ever thought I did.
And, frankly, that has caused some strife in my relationships. My partners WANTED to be needed.
I never got that.
To me, loving someone and being with them because I wanted them was far batter than being with them because I could not live without them.
But I didn’t get it. I never got it.
Now, I get it.
It’s not that kind of need. It’s not “I need you to pay my bills,” or “I need you to live,” or even “I need you to be happy.” It’s not that.
It’s not desperate need. Well, except that it is.
I need you to feel this way.
I need you to experience this depth.
I need you to touch me in the way only you can touch me that makes my body cry out to heaven.
I need you to hear out my crazy ideas and distill them in the way you know how.
I need you to wrap around me and cheer me up.
I need you near me, so I can breathe you in.
I need the feelings you create in me to exist, to be, to prove that I haven’t been crazy or unrealistic all these years.
I need you to have these things and more in my life.
This need, I understand.
Yes, I can live without. Yes, I can be happy without. But I will not have all of this. This that you have brought out in me. And I like all of this. I want all of this so badly.
I need all of this to be who I am right now.
And I like who I am.