In my recent writing about standards, someone mentioned that while they think standards are good, that they can be taken too far, so that you eventually filter out all potential matches.

Which is the point I made in my recent video, “7 Reasons Your Online Dating Profile Isn’t Getting The Response You Want” when I said:

“Saying that you prefer someone who is X feet tall, with blond hair and blue eyes who makes over $100k, loves hedgehogs, and is semi-retired at 35 is getting a bit too specific.”

But even without all the “extras,” the numbers can be pretty disheartening (I’ll give you some numbers, and use myself as an example):

• Men, or masculine-identified people, make up roughly 52 percent of the world’s population. Women, or female-identified people, make up about 48 percent. Non-binary people are about .6 percent. So, depending on which gender you prefer, your pool will be sized accordingly. I’m in the 48%.
• If you are specifically looking for gay or bisexual partners, your pool shrinks even further. If you are looking for those who are NOT gay or bisexual, your pool still shrinks, but not as much. Women who identify as bi make up 8% of women, as gay, only 2%. Men who identify as bi make up 16% of men as gay only 4%. I’m bisexual, so that make me less than 4% of the population (8% of 48% = 3.84%)
• For those who prefer a specific religion, the potential matches narrow even further. This is based on numbers in America, according to one source that said the percentage are: 48.9% Protestant/Other Christian, 23% Catholic, 20.8% No religious identity, 2.5% Other non-Christian religion 2.1% Jewish, 1.8% Mormon, 0.8% Muslim. I’m agnostic, so I’ll fall into the 20.8%, narrowing my number to .8% of the population.
• If you require a higher income, you significantly reduce your options. 1 percent—The Super-Rich ($500k+/year), 5 percent—The Rich ($100k+/year), and 40 percent—Middle Class ($40k to $100k/year), the rest going to the lower class and the poor. Lucky for you (and not so lucky for me, LOL!), being the owner of a startup who doesn’t currently pay myself, I’m officially in the lower class category, so I’m holding steady at .8%.
• People who identify as kinky make up anywhere between 14-30% of the population, depending on which numbers you believe. I’ll use 30%, for all those who are open to kink, or who have tried it out. That makes my number .23%.

And a few other percentages:

• Loves to cook, 15% of the population (.036%)
• Dominant woman, 7.4% of the population (.0026%)
• Into pegging, 4% of women (.0001%)
• Enjoys outdoor activities like camping, backpacking, hiking, 9% of the population (.0000095%)

And that doesn’t take into account my mad communication skills, my banging booty (which could be a positive or a negative, depending on who you ask), the fact that I’m a cuckoldress, or a gazillion other things that go into making me.

But so far, that makes me one in 1,000,000 people.

If you take out the cooking bit (maybe you don’t care), outdoor activities, cuckolding, and bisexuality, that makes a dominant woman into pegging about 8 women in 1,000. smiles

Which is better, but still a bit daunting. Especially if you might have other compatibility issues.

And it’s going to be a challenge sifting through everyone to find those 8 women to connect with, and get those dates, see if you’re a match.

But you know what might make that easier?

Putting yourself where the kinky people are.

Like on Dating Kinky. On FetLife. In your local groups, like munches, sloshes, and socials. In special interest groups online and off. In educational events, also online and off.

Because while I might be one in a million generic people, in a room full of dominant women, I am one in 1,000, which is significantly better odds. And over the course of a year in an active FemDom group, you might meet 2-3 like me—or even better, 2-3 women who meet YOUR specific criteria.

f you are really serious about finding the right person (or people), put yourself where your people are in person and online. And even more, make the numbers work for you by making friends and networking. Because people who are kinky often know other people who are kinky, and know when they come on the market.

I tell people all the time, “Make kinky friends who you don’t want to bang.”

And I mean it.

Because those kinky friends introduce you to their kinky friends (because they like and trust you), and your chances of getting connected with THAT ONE-IN-A-MILLION PERSON go up.

It’ll still take time.

Even increasing your chances exponentially will require some luck and amazing kismet. But you can hurry it along by putting yourself in all the places and making connections, and being the amazing person that people want to introduce to their friends and groups.

And even though it might still take a while, you’ll have friends, mentors, possibly even lovers to keep you company, and it might not feel as hard or as long.

What are your thoughts?

Do you prefer to take full advantage of the resources and community offered to you when you are kinky dating? Or are you more of a loner, preferring to search one-on-one?