Ah! I hate this. Been there, done that, got the shitty self-image and broken heart to go with it.

Someone wrote to me, and asked:

How do I learn to initiate sex with and turn on my partner? We started hot and raw in the beginning, and now it’s…meh. I’ve asked when they have released, and it was about a week ago to porn. I’ve communicated that I’m sexually open to trying things, and I know we love each other. I don’t know what to do. Do you have some suggestions?

(I have anonymized this and have gotten permission to post this, so that the original asker can see what others suggest.)

My response:

Yes, but you’re probably not going to like it.

I’ve been in a situation that seems pretty much as you describe. And it didn’t work out. Not because I wasn’t willing. But because he didn’t communicate or put in the same effort.

Your partner has obviously got a sex drive.

They are playing to porn.

Just not to/with you.

So, that tells you something. And it should tell them something. Whether they choose to do something with that, well, that’s on them. They could suggest some ideas, and work with you. Or not.

And it’s up to you to determine how much you will do and how long you will wait.

What are your thoughts?

What would you suggest this person do? Say? Try? I’ll make sure they have the links to view this, and be able to read your replies.