The Difference Between Posting Your Junk And Sending “Dick Pics”

The Difference Between Posting Your Junk And Sending "Dick Pics"

Yesterday, I wrote about showing off what you have, and several people on FetLife mentioned the ‘dick pic’ thing, which is a valid consideration and rife with potential for hypocrisy.

Here’s my view:

1. Posting a photo of your junk (whatever your gender) on FetLife (or another adult social site) in your photos…

Is one thing. Your profile, your consent. If you post publicly, anyone can CHOOSE to see the detail (from the thumbnail in their feed or slightly larger version, should it go K&P on FetLife) and comment as they desire.

2. Posting a photo of your junk as your avatar…

Is another level, as that not only shows in personal feeds, but also shows up next to every message you send, comment you post, and so on. It’s still very much consensual, in that this IS a kink site and it’s expected.

On the other hand, it’s a bit more invasive, pushing your junk to everyone.

People do complain about this. And that’s understandable. After all, it can be a bit disconcerting having a conversation with genitalia.

3. Sending unsolicited non-consensual dick pics via messenger, kik, text, etc…

This is the main cause of complain of these three. It’s not necessarily in an environment where random genitalia is/are expected (or considerate), and without consent/solicitation, it’s no bueno.

Because in many of these cases, there is NO CHOICE to see or not.

And it’s not just the dick.

After all, we’ve probably all seen dick. I’ve seen A LOT of dick. So much that when I used ot post on Craigslist, I would tell people not to send dick pics, because I’d already received THE WORST, and they could not compete. Highlights of that joy included:

  • Unsolicited.
  • Video.
  • Appalling music. Really terrible.
  • The cum shot is a let down. It was more of a dribble than a shoot. AND it happened at 15 seconds in, with another 1min 45 left in the video.
  • Unflattering. The model seemed to have a nice body, but that position did nothing for their physique.
  • Grotesque psychedelic overlay. Who wants to look at a moldy-colored cock?

Many are quite lovely compared to that.

But the mindset of forcing your naughties on my eyes is as unattractive as the dick pics themselves. More, even.

I explained more here on why: Your Cock Vs. My Cock.

So, when discussing “dick pic shaming” versus nasty comments on personal profile photos, perhaps these are the nuances you’re looking for.

What do you think?

Of course, I’m open to your ideas and thoughts on the differences (if any) as YOU see them.

Let’s Talk About “Showing It Off”

Show Off!

A conversation I had about people who “show it off” online and how some people think about it.

“But heres what i dont get ( and im not talking about you ) why would a woman post pics of her tits and ass and more on a sexual fetishes site and then complain about a guy writing her to chat about similar sexual interests, or for sex? It just doesnt make much sense does it?”

Yes, it actually does.

I might enjoy people looking at my body and STILL not want that to be the only thing they can focus on, or even the primary thing.

It’s a perfectly sensible thing.

Here’s an idea, ALWAYS approach people as HUMAN first. If you connect, you’ll get to all the rest: objectification, degradation, power exchange, sex…

If you don’t connect, it won’t matter anyway.

“Im not the type to flaunt money but if i posted pics of my watch and cars id expect a certain type of woman to write me , and id expect to scare of the better quality woman because those were the photos i shared first.”

That’s victim blaming and it’s disgusting.

Why not blame the people who are not being considerate and polite, simply because of some photos online?

Does anyone have to be a jerk to me just because you’ve seen my breast?

(HINT) The answer is:

No.

Never.

“Well what do they expect, if they show it off like that?”

Why would anyone think that it’s OK for anyone to be rude to another human being or focus only on their sexuality or money or ugliness or fatness or whatever, just because THEY think they show it off too much?

Do you see how gross that is?

What do these people expect? They expect that other people will treat them like people—as a bare minimum.

I require that and more.

What do you think?

  • Do you think it’s OK to judge people negatively by their photos and treat them poorly as a result?
  • What reason is there, if any, to not just stay silent when you see something that you don’t like?
  • In your experience, have you gotten good results from treating strangers as less-than-human?
  • Is treating people with consideration and respect so much more difficult that any excuse is worth using to avoid it?
  • How do you feel about posting photos “showing off” what you have?

Image by 2196557 on Pixabay

SC Locals: I’m Teaching At The Academy In April!

The Academy Dungeon

So thrilled to have been invited by ChristianV to teach at The Academy in Georgetown, SC on April 6th!

And not only do I get to present at an amazing venue to a new group of people (one of my FAVORITE things), I also get to present one of the classes near and dear to my heart:

The Alpha Submissive—How to Yield Your Strength

You know you are submissive. And yet, you are a strong, take-charge kind of guy or girl, which makes some dominants complain of topping-from-the bottom, or claim that you’re not submissive at all. How do you find your submission and yield, when the time is truly right?

I started teaching this class five years ago, after one thousand too many submissives told me that they were confused about their submission, because they had been told that if they {fill in the blank with any bullet point below}, they were not REALLY submissive.

  • Had healthy boundaries—hell, have ANY boundaries at all.
  • Set limits.
  • Wanted to get to know a dominant before submitting.
  • Had opinions and—heaven forbid—shared them.
  • Took charge in daily life—especially at work.
  • Preferred to take their time giving over power.
  • Discussed what they are looking for and what turns them on (versus focusing ONLY on the dominant partner).
  • Had standards
  • Held themselves and others accountable.
  • Looked “dominant” (what does that even mean?).

I admit, I wrote the first thumbnail for this class as a defense for masculine-identified submissives who were constantly being told that if they did not act “beta,” dress in women’s clothing, accept pegging, or grovel and lick any woman’s boots that they were not “true” submissives.

Faugh!

However, even as I was writing it, examples were coming to mind of submissives of all genders being told they weren’t “subby enough,” and worse, wondering if it were true, because the more people pushed them that way, the less they felt like opening up to ANYONE.

So, this class was created.

And I’m thrilled to be presenting it for ChristianV and everyone at The Academy.

The FetLife Event link: https://fetlife.com/events/753092

The Academy Website: http://www.academydungeon.com

I hope if you’re in the area, you’ll be able to join me. smiles


Let’s Debate: Feelings Versus Actions In Love

Showing Love

I’ve written before that I Don’t Judge How Another Loves Me, and I believe this. I also say, though, that I do judge how someone makes me feel.

Or how they SHOW me that they love me in ways I can understand.

Someone can love you desperately with their feelings and still suck at loving you the way you need to be loved  with their actions.

I saw a saying like this on FB, and it really hit home for me.

After all, I think we’ve all made the mistake of doing the exact opposite of showing our love, even while we love deeply and fully and (dare I say?) desperately.

However, simply loving someone is not enough.

No matter how deeply.

No matter how desperately.

It’s far more important that they feel loved. At least to them.

And that brings us around to a few phrases that look at both side of this:

  • Treat people like you want to be treated.
  • No, treat people like THEY want to be treated (This is my preference, especially in D/s relationships).
  • It’s the thought that counts.
  • No, actions speak louder than words (How Do I Say…?).

And so on.

What do you think?

How much does the feeling matter, if the actions don’t back it up? Are “good intentions” enough? Is action a good indicator of feelings?

How do you gauge another’s intentions?

Image by pixel2013 on Pixabay

You’ve Heard Of “The Waiter Rule,” Here’s “The Ex Rule”

The Ex Rule
"A person who is nice to you, but is not nice to the waiter, is not a nice person."

“A person who is nice to you, but is not nice to the waiter, is not a nice person.”

People who are mean to those who serve, those who have less, those who they do not feel can help them, or directly benefit them are not nice people.

They are users.

They are self-centered.

Possibly narcissistic, and possibly socio/psychopathic, lacking empath and likely compassion.

(Which, in and of itself is not bad, but without compassion, it can be a nasty thing.)

“A person who has only mean things to say about their exes will probably eventually only have mean things to say about you.”

When a person has been the victim in every relationship they have, and chooses to focus on only the negatives with their exes, or place all the blame on others may not be that way to you right now—they weren’t that way with their exes to begin with, either, I’m guessing.

(Sort of hard to get into a relationship by being overtly asshole-ish, although some manage it.)

However, if you have a falling out, know that’s how they will probably talk about you.

And that’s probably how they talk about you in their head, too. When they’re not getting what they want.

Is that the energy you want in your life?

Kink In 15: Rain

Fuck!
Nothing like the smell of my lover’s neck.
A rainy day for snuggling and…

They say it’s only rained twice in North Carolina this month. Once for 11 days, once for 17 days, so I’m inspired, LOL! Give me some rainy day prose to make all this wet inspiration worthwhile.

The word of the week is “rain”. To participate, create a 15-word story with rain, rains, rained, or raining. I can’t wait to see your creativity! smiles


The Vulnerability And Scariness Of Pattern Interrupts

The Vulnerability And Scariness Of Pattern Interrupts

A friend reached out yesterday about pattern interrupts, because I’ve been preaching them for years, and they had an ‘Ah-ha!’ they wanted to share. They graciously gave me permission to share the conversation with you, because as we talked, I felt like they touched on parts of the pattern interrupt process that are rarely discussed, and I never thought to bring up.

But first, let’s talk about pattern interrupts.

What are they, and why might they be good?

A pattern interrupt is a technique to change a particular thought, behavior or situation. Behavioral psychology and neuro linguistic programming use this technique to interrupt and change thought patterns and behaviors.

Why a Pattern Interrupt Is Just What You Need, by Helen Roe
Continue reading “The Vulnerability And Scariness Of Pattern Interrupts”

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant – Pros & Cons

Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant

I love coconut oil as a personal lubricant. LOVE it.

It’s the only lube I keep around at all times.

I keep it in a small container next to my bed, available for massages and all other manner of sexy things.

I recommend it in my anal play class and books and in my orgasm class.

And I recommended it to someone in a Facebook poly group who has been having trouble with staying wet. Many people had the same thoughts: coconut oil was the most recommended single lube in the thread.

Continue reading “Coconut Oil As Personal Lubricant – Pros & Cons”

The 80/20 Rule Of Sex In Relationships

80/20 Rule of Sex In Relationships

They say that is the sex is great, it’s 20% of a relationship, and if it’s not going so well, it’s 80%.

They have a point, although I’d modify it a bit.

It’s not so much about the number of orgasms, or the skillset—that can be learned.

It’s about the overall sexual compatibility.

  • Does it feel like a metric fuck-ton of orgasms raining down upon your body or at least like it has the potential to become fucking fantastic with practice together?
  • Do you have similar sex drives (from asexual to want-it-damn-near-every-minute-andwhen-i-don’t-want-it-i-want-to-talk-about-it-and-how-we-can-make-it-even-better-next-time)?
  • Are you at comparable levels of ease related to TALKING about and discussing sex?
  • Do you like a significant enough number of the same things related to sex that you have plenty of room to grow and explore together for however long you imagine your relationship to last, or to whatever level you’d like to attempt?
  • And most of all, are you lacking disgust or disdain for their sexual interests?

If you have all these, then sex and it’s related issues will likely be about 20% of your relationship compatibility.

If you’re majorly questionable on any of these, then the issues you have related to and around sex will likely become 80% of your relationship.

Not that you will necessarily mean it that way. Or that it will be obvious.

But that resentments, insecurities, fears, and hurt will color every disagreement you have.

Sure, people get around this.

Some say to their partner, “I love you and I want you to be happy. Do that, and let’s enjoy what we continue to have together,” and sometimes that works.

Often, it does not, because, well, humans are imperfect, and resentments, insecurities, fears, and hurt can still color our reactions and responses.