Who told you there’d be sex?
That’s what most people think of when they hear the word “nonmonogamy,” an immoral baccanalic lifestyle of all-the-sex-you-can-take, like it’s a buffet.
And to be honest, it is, in some ways. At least for many of us.
But that’s not all it is.
In fact, even for those of us who very specifically enjoy the “sex” parts of nonmonogamy, it’s still not even the “most” of living the life.
Just like sex is not the bulk of your life (or is it? How? LOL!), sex is rarely the bulk of anyone’s life and relationships, monogamous or not.
Work, friendship, sleep, eating, kids, finances, puzzles, even Game of Thrones ultimately get in the way.
Nonmonogamy is not non-stop orgies.
Although, for some people, it may be orgies once in a while.
It’s not dating many multiples of blissful, exciting people. Except for when it is.
It’s not never being lonely. It’s often not being lonely. Sometimes it’s even needing space, and being alone.
It’s not jetsetting around the world footloose and fancy free. Sometimes it is.
It’s more often figuring out childcare and working around busy work schedules and life…
Just multiplied in complexity.
Signing legal forms, rearing children, cleaning up puppy poop, realizing that you double booked, or that you need alone time, getting to date night totally exhausted, feeling too ill to play or too overworked, small and large dramas, laughter and tears, craving cuddles or hot sex, and finding it everywhere or nowhere…
Nonmonogamy. It’s your life, just with a bigger cast.
What are your thoughts?
For those of you who are monogamous, what do you think nonmonogamy is? Or what did you think it was before you learned better?
For those of you who are nonmonogamous, what do people think it is when you tell them? What were you surprised to learn yourself, as you grew in the life?
This is an excerpt from my book, “It’s Not Cheating! It’s Ethical/Consensual Nonmonogamy. A feel good guide to dating, mating and relating in multiples.”