And that always bothers me.
And of course, I want to help, to fix it, but I can’t reach everyone.
But I can reach you.
So, here are three things that I see as RONG:
I’m new. I need someone to teach me.
WRONG. Not because you don’t need to learn. You do. A LOT . A lot. But because you don’t need to find someONE to teach you.
What you do need to do, IMNSHO, is to do as much learning as you can with the MANY resources available to you. Start with the Google (or bing or Duck Duck Go). Read writings on FetLife and in FB groups. Read books. Take classes, online and off (Dating Kinky offers 12-16 FREE educational events every month!).
And yes, do find people to learn from and with.
Not just ONE person. Don’t make that mistake of messaging every person who catches your eye online, asking them in the first message to be your mentor and teach you how to [fill in the blank kink: submit, get pegged, give oral, take a beating].
Meet people. Get to know them. Find out their skills, watch, and learn.
It’s really quite easy when it’s done organically.
Submission is a gift.
What gift? Yeah. Give that “gift,” and get NOTHING in return and see how much you love that dynamic. Better yet, let’s count the days until you’re crying abuse.
And rightly so.
Submission (or dominance or cuddling or play time or scening) is no free fucking gift. Everyone does what they feel is best for themselves in any given situation, and DESERVE a fair exchange (even if all they want is to serve in that moment).
Remember that for yourself and for them, too, and your kink journey will be better for it.
[Fill-In-The-Blank] are treated like [insert-whatever here].
This one isn’t WRONG so much as it could be wrong. The only right answer for this is:
[Fill-in-the-blank] are treated like humans.
Always humans. Until you have a dynamic, submissives are treated like humans, dominants are treated like humans, and so are switches, hucows, slaves, pups, littles, and more.
EVERYONE is treated like a human.
Not like a bad fetish porn version of their role.
Do not approach them with anything except their screen name (or preferred name, if they state one in their profile), and a friendly message UNTIL you have made a connection and know their preferences (and agree to them).
I could probably go one and on (and often do), but I wanted to be short (ish) and sweet (ish) today.
What are your thoughts?
What else do you see a lot in kink that is just RONG?