You’ve probably heard of The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by bestselling author Don Miguel Ruiz and Janet Mills.

Today, we’re going to leave all that positive stuff behind, and look at the dark underbelly of communication: The Five DISagreements.

We’ll start with disagreement one:

Your word is your sword.

Some people say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

You know that for the silly children’s fantasy it is.

Words can hurt, and you do it with intention. You Carefully craft what you say. You hone your powers of oratory to sway people one-on-one or in a crowd.

You know how to use what they want to hear against them, and how your words can be used to give you an advantage over your rivals.

You are always looking to use the power of your words to your benefit, and you are proud of your ability to talk people into things, and to get them to do what you want.

I know this disagreement.

I realized just a few years ago that I embodied this.

Because I am verbally skilled, especially in heated arguments and discussions.

I can think quickly and put my thoughts into words.

I have been able to talk circles around my partners most of my life, and frankly, I thought that was because I was right.

Not just because I had a greater skill than they did.

I was a verbal bully.

My word was my sword.

It took a partner who I loved beyond anything, and who has earned so much love and trust and respect from me that I could not help but see that beating them down verbally (even thought I was NOT doing it intentionally) was unfair.

More, it was wrong.

Evil.

So, I stopped.

And when things get heated, I intentionally slow myself down, and give a lot of time and space for things to be said or worked out.

Because I want him to be able to participate in our relationship with me.

Not against me.

What has been your experience with this DISagreement?