I get it. I’ve been through some shit.
You might have been through more. Or less. But that doesn’t matter, really. because, as they say, this is not the Olympics.
And frankly, our individual abilities to handle stress and bounce back are just that—individual. Judging you by MY abilities is pretty shitty, in and of itself. So, I don’t do that.
A few nights ago, we hosted an open house for the new Dating Kinky Live platform, and Zach Budd (he’s awesome, look him up!) said something like:
“Sure, some shit may have happened to you, but at some point you have to make a choice on how to treat others, and to pass that shit on or not.”
And this resonates with me.
Because I get both sides. I have been hurting and lashed out.
I have been lashed out at.
And eventually, that second experience happened enough times to get through my admittedly thick skull and convince me that I never want to put someone into the receiving line for my shitty behavior for something they didn’t do.
I’m guessing you’re probably smarter and will get it and be able to make that change simply by reading the logic, while I had to go through years of being a dunce before it really sank in for me.
Or, maybe you’re duncier, but you’re willing to make the effort. Well, that matters too. (I’ve written about that, here: https://datingkinky.com/blog/effort-means-a-lot/ )
Simply put, your trauma is certainly a reason. Probably even a REALLY GOOD reason for shitty behavior.
It’s not an excuse or a free pass, though.
And making that distinction, for me, made a huge difference.
YES, my reactions were valid. YES, I had good reason. NO, I didn’t have to behave that way and when I did (do) before I could stop myself, I know I need to apologize AND do the work on myself to be better.