I Posted An Ad On Craigslist And I Got Called An Asshole For Responding.

Silence, woman!

This is the last of this particular series… although not the last of my daily writings.

The first two are here:

#1 I Posted An Ad On Craigslist And I Got Compared To An Alcoholic Or Druggie
#2 I Posted An Ad On Craigslist And I Got Derided For Posting My Dress Size

This one is short and sweet, since I’ve had a jam-packed weekend, and there’s really not much to it… except and example showing why many women don’t reply to responses to their Craigslist ads (or personal dating site ads, or FetLife random messages) when they are not interested, and even more, why women don’t say why (which I get asked 4 out of 5 times when I simply reply with, “No, thanks.”

In my ad, this is the last line:

If you think you fit this bill, reach out. Send me a note. Tell me what interested you about my ad, and include a face photo.

So, I get this reply, with a face photo:

I would like to date you  I am in Raleigh

Aside from the grammar, the lack of immediate attraction to the photo, and the brevity in response to a very detailed post, there is no ‘what interested him.’

And frankly, to me, it read as incredibly entitled. I want to date you. I’m in Raleigh. Great! Ignore all of the other criteria I listed, because you being in Raleigh is all I really need to know… Oh, and that you would actually date me, unlike EVERYONE else in the area, right?

My reply was (and I sent this to quite a few men:

Thank you for the offer.

I’m looking for someone who can follow my directions and enjoy it.

Best of luck to you in fulfilling your fantasies!

Two others wrote back, a bit disappointed and trying to change my mind or figure out what they forgot (out of only two things? really?). This guy stepped it up a notch.

next time just dont answer and keep ass hole remarks to youself. If you were special as you think you are you would not be posting on CL

So, I’m an asshole for turning him down, and giving him a reason.

And, on top of that, he has to tell me that I’m not special, because I’m posting an ad on a site he trolls for ads… and um, that he responded to…

Oh! The irony!

Touch Is Not My Love Language, But It Is My Core

Two hands outstretched and clasped as for the Tango.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a very sexy person. A person who I wanted to touch. A lot. In happy ways, in dirty ways, and in ways that combine the two feelings to great effect.

And I did, some. There was a touch here for emphasis, a touch there just because. A hug started our meeting, and a wonderful hug (accompanied by a bit of growling) finished it.

And it was wonderful. Continue reading “Touch Is Not My Love Language, But It Is My Core”

On Overwhelm

A vintage 1950s-style lady with a big smile pointing to the words, "I smile to hide how completely overwhelmed I am."

My whole life, I’ve been a doer.

I’ve taken the road less traveled, I’ve gone out and experienced things. I’ve really LIVED. One of my mottos is “Busy is better than bored,” and in fact, I’m not sure I know what bored is.

There is always so much to do.

Sometimes, it seems like there’s too much.

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed.

And it’s not like there is a super-obvious reason. I mean, yeah, I have a million things going on. I always do. I always have. Nothing has changed there.

Continue reading “On Overwhelm”

“I Only Add People I Know.”

Add to Friends button with Weird Al profile.

When I first joined FetLife, I only friended people that I knew. After a short period, that became people I have met in person. It felt more comfortable that way. More managed.

It felt good, and it’s a valid position to take.

I’ve changed to pretty much the opposite now over the past few years. I’m a friend whore (slut?—it’s not like anyone pays). I don’t have to really be connected at all to be open to FetLife friendship.

Someone said “I don’t think anyone with 5,000 friends here on FetLife can meaningfully connect and must be promoting something,” and I agree. That’s true.

I AM promoting myself and my projects. For sure.

Continue reading ““I Only Add People I Know.””

My Results Do Not Equal Yours

The words: "Part Performance Guarantees Future Results," with a red circle/slash around it.

Yesterday, @Fentrix said in a comment on my writing:

As if talking about an opinion I’ve held that I’ve found useful in my life has anything to do with right or wrong, it has to do with utility.

To which I answered just this morning:

Yes! It’s useful to me. If it’s useful to you, I’m so glad. If it’s not, that’s cool, too. If I inspired you to think… I’m pleased as punch.

I don’t care that people believe in compromise in their relationships, in low context communication, in CNC… If it works for them and their partners, I’m all for it.

I do talk about how I think and why, and how I grow through issues, because when I’ve been doing all this, reading others doing the same thing (even in vastly different channels) has helped me learn more about myself and how I think.

And then looking at my calendar, I see that the point meshes quite well with what I intended to write about today. Continue reading “My Results Do Not Equal Yours”

This Is Not About Changing YOUR Mind…

A journal page with a giraffe on it, with a handwritten speech bubble containing the words, "It's Not Always About You"

In fact, none of what I write or discuss online is about convincing you to change your mind.

I don’t really care what you think/feel.

I mean, sure, if I think you’re a bigot, I’d love for you to not be, for the sake of the people around you and the people you may hold some sort of power over, but making you a not-bigot is not my goal on a daily basis.

After all, you have a right to think and believe as you see fit, and I’m pretty sure you’re aware of the consequences and are willing to live with those.

If you already have a strong opinion, I’m not writing to you.

Continue reading “This Is Not About Changing YOUR Mind…”

Nobody Listens Online…

The words scrawled: Why Doesn't Anybody Listen?

Actually, that’s not true. Not at all. I’ve found myself incredibly welcomed online for the most part, and I think many of you have, too.

Yesterday I wrote about listening as an active and integral part of communication.

I quoted Alan Alda saying:

“Real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you.”

And when I read what today’s piece was about, according to my calendar, I laughed at how life does sometimes. After all, this is a writing I’ve put off a gadzillion times, probably one of the first writings in my calendar over a year and half ago.

But today, I write it. Continue reading “Nobody Listens Online…”

I Live My Life In Stories

A piece of paper in a typewriter with the words, "Once Upon a Time."

Not just because I’m a writer, although that certainly exacerbates it.

Something happens, and I build my stories around it… some call them memories. I like ‘stories.’ It has a nice ring.

ANYONE I interact with is part of my stories. You may see yourself in one. It may even be about you. However, I’ll say that’s rare.

By the time I write about something, usually the inspiration has been past for months. And what I’ve written is usually sufficiently generic that it can cover any of a half-dozen situations, because it’s become a story.

A story I tell myself about things, to help me explain my world. Continue reading “I Live My Life In Stories”

What Is The Source Of Your Frustration?

A cartoon lady looking quite frustrated.

If you feel frustrated with or have resentment towards another person not living up to who you think they should be, you are likely in a covert contract, and need to rethink your path, clearing it of entitlement and non-consensual expectations.

Communicate. Set personal boundaries. Act.

If you are frustrated with yourself because you want to be good at something and you know you can do better than you have been, then you are on the right track.

You could probably lighten up on yourself, but you are on the right track.