I have privilege. In many, many ways. I know this. Not all ways.

Growing up, we were never rich. I never had the cool clothes. I was never part of an “in” crowd. I went to public schools, whatever was around. I didn’t go to camp, or take part in educational extra curricular activities…

Unless you call tromping around the woods catching critters like a wild child ‘educational extra curricular activities.’

I kinda do. LOL!

Anyway, some of the ways I am privileged include:

• white
• not poor (not rich, not even solidly middle class, but not poor)
• traveled (grandmother with money took me each summer)
• higher-than-average IQ
• loving, affectionate family life
• moderately attractive
• female

Wait, what? Female is not the “chosen sex!” Male is the most privileged sex.

Well, yes. That’s true. In most cases.

In kink and the world of sex, though, there is a lot of privilege that goes with being female, and I haz it.

Heck, just being raised in a loving, supportive family is HUGE privilege. Add tits, and I’m damn near giddy.

LOL!

Here are a few privileges I have just being female, in general:

– Men want me more than I want them.

– I can put up a profile on dating sites, and not contact a single person, while receiving 10-100 messages per day.

– Same in public. I’m approached by men 30x more often than I approach.

All of these things give me “right of refusal,” and I understand the power that has.

Another biggie, related to my writing about consent, is that as a female, I am held (by others) to lower standards of consent.

What that means is that I can touch men (and often women) without asking in ways that they cannot touch me without first getting my consent.

AND I WILL NOT GET CALLED ON IT.

Or, rarely.

I never have.

But, then, I’m generally pretty careful about my approach, and make sure that I do get consent, because that’s important to me for obvious lifestyle reasons, but also because it’s a part of my sexual identity. Verbal consent is fucking hot to me…

But I digress.

Being a woman has it’s perks.

Not the same perks as being a man with the same overall privileges but male, sure… but still, perks.

And I am aware of them.

So, I’m not sure where I’m going with this writing, except to say I am aware of my privileges, and I try to make sure that I build my own personal code based on the awareness that not everyone has them.

For example:

• I reply to every message on dating/kink sites, even if it’s, “Thanks, but no.”
• I always smile and thank men when they compliment me.
• I turn people down gently (unless they are assholes to me).
• I encourage men to learn more about women FOR OTHER WOMEN, not just for me.

I know it can be hard being a man in this lifestyle, without me making it worse.

And that’s not pity.

I know many men who do just fine. And everyone reading this can, too, but it takes MORE effort for men (especially single men) to fit in than it does women.

No, it’s not fair.

But it’s also not fair that men lose weight faster than women, are physically stronger (overall) than women, and can parallel park better.

We all have our dragons to slay.

So, you have yours. I have mine… and I, for one, will not go out of my way to make any one else’s dragons more fierce than they need to be.

Because I know privilege exists. Especially Pussy Privilege.

So, out of curiosity, have you ever thought about privilege? What privilege do you have? How have you worked around it, if you have?

Here’s an interesting video on general privilege that I think would be very cool to do with kink/sex: