I Posted An Ad On Craigslist And I Got Called An Asshole For Responding.

Silence, woman!

This is the last of this particular series… although not the last of my daily writings.

The first two are here:

#1 I Posted An Ad On Craigslist And I Got Compared To An Alcoholic Or Druggie
#2 I Posted An Ad On Craigslist And I Got Derided For Posting My Dress Size

This one is short and sweet, since I’ve had a jam-packed weekend, and there’s really not much to it… except and example showing why many women don’t reply to responses to their Craigslist ads (or personal dating site ads, or FetLife random messages) when they are not interested, and even more, why women don’t say why (which I get asked 4 out of 5 times when I simply reply with, “No, thanks.”

In my ad, this is the last line:

If you think you fit this bill, reach out. Send me a note. Tell me what interested you about my ad, and include a face photo.

So, I get this reply, with a face photo:

I would like to date you  I am in Raleigh

Aside from the grammar, the lack of immediate attraction to the photo, and the brevity in response to a very detailed post, there is no ‘what interested him.’

And frankly, to me, it read as incredibly entitled. I want to date you. I’m in Raleigh. Great! Ignore all of the other criteria I listed, because you being in Raleigh is all I really need to know… Oh, and that you would actually date me, unlike EVERYONE else in the area, right?

My reply was (and I sent this to quite a few men:

Thank you for the offer.

I’m looking for someone who can follow my directions and enjoy it.

Best of luck to you in fulfilling your fantasies!

Two others wrote back, a bit disappointed and trying to change my mind or figure out what they forgot (out of only two things? really?). This guy stepped it up a notch.

next time just dont answer and keep ass hole remarks to youself. If you were special as you think you are you would not be posting on CL

So, I’m an asshole for turning him down, and giving him a reason.

And, on top of that, he has to tell me that I’m not special, because I’m posting an ad on a site he trolls for ads… and um, that he responded to…

Oh! The irony!

Dating Kinky, The Class

One of the most common questions I’m asked is, “Where Do I Find ______ (Fill In The Blank Amazing Kinky Person)?”

This class address that topic and others, including writing a profile, photos, starting a conversation, and more.

Dating Kinky Class Description:

In this class, we’ll cover some of the most important actions and attitudes for finding one or several lifestyle partners, from writing your profile and choosing the best photos to get your point across to making contact, common pitfalls, and some hilarious examples of ‘when personals go wrong!’

We’ll also discuss which online sites offer the best options for connecting with your kinky peeps.

This is a very interactive class, so bring your pencil or pen and some paper to write down those tips from the creator of https://www.datingkinky.com and the co-author of http://datingkinkybook.com


More about my thoughts on kinky dating:

Kinky Dating

 

Writing A Great Rejection In Four Easy Steps (And Two Are Optional!)

A cartoon girl holding hands out in front of herself, with an angry look of rejection.

Well, if any rejection can be great.

Maybe the title should be, “Writing A Rejection That Doesn’t Sting Any More Than It Has To To Get The Point Across In  Four Easy Steps (And Two Are Optional!),” but that’s reallllllly long, so I’mma stick with what I have.

I wrote a bit about rejection in my upcoming book, Dating Kinky.

Because, of course, rejection is a part of dating, and knowing how to both give it and take it more effectively makes dating sooooo much more pleasant.

You have a right to reject anyone for any reason.

Period.

Full stop.

Your life. Your rules. Continue reading “Writing A Great Rejection In Four Easy Steps (And Two Are Optional!)”

Kinky Dating: A New Example For The Book

A mostly dark black image with a man in red blowing a red smoke heart. Looks a bit disturbing.

Just Thursday, I was contacted by a self-identified male dominant on Collarspace for the first time. His message was short and sweet.

I replied.

His response inspired me, and I knew I had a perfect example of why, when it comes to dating kinky (or any kind of dating, really), I recommend making your profile very YOU, to disqualify those you don’t want to attract.

Continue reading “Kinky Dating: A New Example For The Book”

Thing Is… People DO Make Assumptions

A projector in a dark room with the words "It'a called projection."

Last August I wrote a piece about how saying “I don’t do drama,” pretty much guarantees that people will assume you’re a primary source for it.

And a lot of people agreed.

They may be wrong, sure.

But they will assume it. Because of experience with so many others who say the same thing, then cause as much drama as possible.

It’s one of those things that is true MOST of the time in my experience.

Not all of the time. Continue reading “Thing Is… People DO Make Assumptions”

How (And Why) To Get Rejected More Often

A cartoon beaver saying "NO!!" over and over.

Tell DreamBoopsie217 how you feel. Today. Clearly. No room for misunderstanding. From the heart.

I know it can be a terrifying prospect.

  • What if they look disgusted?
  • What if you lose your friendship?
  • What if they tell everyone?
  • What if you can’t handle it?

Do it anyway.

You CAN handle it, and you need to. Because this is only one in a long line of potential rejections coming up into your future with DreamBoopsie217, ESPECIALLY if they say they like you, too.

Huh? Continue reading “How (And Why) To Get Rejected More Often”

Do You “Test” Potential Partners? If So, How?

An image of one man peering into another man's ear.

“Your inner ear looks just fine. Excellent. So, that means you pass with flying colors. I’d officially like to ask you on a date, now.”

I have spent a lot of time in the PUA (Pick Up Artists) community. and I’ve learned a lot from them about people, and what people believe about other people—some of it accurate, some of it incredibly inaccurate, and a lot of it situational.

PUAs “test” women for specific characteristics that are indicative of enjoying casual sex. Continue reading “Do You “Test” Potential Partners? If So, How?”

For Every Woman Having Sex With A Man, There Is A Man Having Sex With A Woman

Men Only Want Sex

Therefore, “Women don’t have sex as much as men” is illogical. As is the idea that women don’t like sex as much as men.

I read on a debate I posted that the same 10% of men get all the women’s interest.

This sounds suspiciously like labeling certain men “Chads,” and saying women owe sex to men, but I digress… Continue reading “For Every Woman Having Sex With A Man, There Is A Man Having Sex With A Woman”

Polyamory Is Not The Key To Being A Better Partner (Poly Is Not, Part XIII)

Polyamory Is Not... A Series

Polyamory and dating more people does not automatically make you better at it. If so, serial monogamists would grow in each relationship, ultimately ending up at coupled nirvana…

I mean, think about it. I’m pretty sure you know someone who’s been doing something for years, and still sucks at it. Maybe your co-worker. Time spent does not equal skill.

I’ve been singing my whole life. Joyously. Loudly. And I suck. I have not gotten better, because I don’t really care to get better. I don’t study it, I don’t think about improvement, I don’t practice. I just do it.

Poly is the same.

I’ve heard people saying really misleading things about polyamory, like:

“Once you start being poly, you will learn more about yourself than you ever did in monogamous relationships.”

Continue reading “Polyamory Is Not The Key To Being A Better Partner (Poly Is Not, Part XIII)”

Writing Prompt: Your Current Roles/Labels

On FetLife, I am a kinkster. On my kinky dating sites, I am a dominant. I also identify as bisexual in some places and heteroflexible in others. I am a switch in activities and sexuality, but never in my relationships. I also identify as epicurean, insatiably curious, poly, feminine, bossy, cuckoldress, experience whore, ‘She Who Must Be Obeyed’, silly, geeky, lazy, ambivert, tea lover, and more.

More than anything, I identify as Nookie, which is both my long-time nickname and my role.

My given name is Heather, but few people use that regularly.

There were a lot of Heathers growing up. Once, I was in a class with three others… I’ve only know the one Nookie. Me.

Continue reading “Writing Prompt: Your Current Roles/Labels”