Dating Kinky
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So I wrote yesterday about labels in relationships, and how I personally feel that they are not useful to me early in a relationship, and that was read by many as an anti-labels statement.

It’s not.

I have had that discussion many times, and I am all for labels.

I am all for labels being used properly.

The GOOD thing about labels is that they provide a shortcut to longer conversations.

If I say, “I am a writer,” you can make assumptions about who I am and what I do, to jump-start a conversation that might be more relevant. Sure, you might be wrong in some ways, but that is easily corrected, and added to your experience.

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I’ve been hearing this idea for a while, and when I saw in my calendar today that this was my topic, I thought, “Of course!”

Because I’ve been having several conversations about just this recently, with a variety of people.

The Dating World Hates Men

I read this a few months back, which is what inspired this writing:

“I’m a guy and I don’t get attention, but women do.” Guys. Welcome to the dating world. It sucks. It’s biased. And it hates us.

Women will ALWAYS receive a much larger interest than us men. Why? Because they’re women. I don’t mean that in a sexist kind of way, I mean it in a societal kind of way. Guys want more, guys see a woman and immediately jump at the chance to be by their side. Guy are guys.

Which kinda made me puke a bit in the back of my mouth.

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I believe in making it easy for people to step out of my life.

If they don’t want to be here with me, they shouldn’t be forced to.

By making it easy to leave, I like to think that it takes away the resentment that comes along with being stuck, and gives us the chance to really dig in and make things happen, with a worst case scenario being “Well, it’s easy to leave.”

And frankly, if someone does not want to be with me, I don’t want them there.

Or rather, I don’t want to force them there. I may want them, of course. Heck, I want a lot of things, but if I learn they don’t want me or like me as much as I like or want them, I don’t want them as hard anymore. Because part of a turn on for me is being liked and wanted. And that’s the sweet spot for me.

It’s about two people. Two sides. A door that goes both in and out.

And if you’re not ready to leave, but we’re not in the sweet spot? I’m cool with that, too. Let’s find another kind of relationship, where we are both on the same page, enjoying what we have together, in the sweet spot.

But if you’re wanting more than I do, and you won’t stop pushing me, or if you give me an ultimatum, or if you want me to chase you to validate your feelings, or whatever?

That’s what that door is there for. Use it.

Hi! You’re beautiful and smart. Everything I could ask for in a woman. Just amazing. I’d love to get to know you.

Awww. Thank you. I’m flattered.

So, are you looking for a _______? (the role doesn’t really matter, for example purposes)

Well, I’m not really looking, but I’m open to the possibilities. smiles

Well, what are you looking for?

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